How much can one actually believe from what they say about drama in their life ?

[Reg]

Hi,

I know we all have heard the many stories of abuse, bad luck in life etc.

However, I know many of us may ask themselves the same question.  How much can we actually believe of all this ?  Is it just partially smoke and mirrors to get attention ?

I know many of the stories my ex has told me about physical and sexual abuse are the truth.  I say many, as her husband (the one from who she is going to divorce since almost 5 years) was very angy to me when I found out about his abuse.

However !  A number of stories will always remain a mystery to me.

I have for example someone who was living in my street and who is a known BPD, who was blowing up stories beyond believe.  She has had several car accidents, due to her irresponsable way of driving = speeding.  

About one of them in the past she told that she had been seriously injured.  The newspaper however, which has the article on line, said that nobody was injured, and the photo of the damage was not what she had said it to be.

She also was writing on her FB page on one moment that she had again another serious accident.  Her car, a Mercedes of course (I say this laughing, she suffered the same problem as my ex, a known brand was to give her a bit of an identity) had been very seriously damaged at the back.  Just two or three days later I saw her driving the same car, with just a little damage to the towbar !

Everything in their lives is about drama, drama, drama.  But if we look closer to it, it is all about getting attention, and more attention, making people to feel for them that life is giving them so much 'injustice'.

Would love to hear about your own experiences on the matter !

Take care !

Reg

[Bananas]

Hey Reg,

I can relate to this.  My ex made up some crazy stories to get attention.  But there were a lot of half truths, so just enough truth to make things believable or easier for him to back out of.  ("you misunderstood me, I never said that" But also a lot of exaggeration!  The stories would get bigger with each telling.  My ex loved to be the victim. 

Since we have mutual aquantainces, I am finding out a lot after the fact.

Some of the more shocking examples:

He told me a relative died to get out of going on a vacation with me.  The truth was that the relative had died, but several years before he met me.

He told me he nearly lost a limb in an accident, that he almost died from the blood loss.  I was suspicious because there was no scar.  Turns out the limb was only fractured.

He told me his ex-wifes bf pulled a knife on him.  Turns out it was him that had the knife.  Scary, I know... .



As my T says I really can't believe anything he says.   

 

[Learning2Thrive]

Hi Reg,

I have been pondering the same thing on and off over the past few weeks. 

My X also had numerous times she was pulled over (speeding)... .I was with her on 3 occasions. But she was always let off.  She has the prettiest green eyes and the softest, little girl voice.  OH my... .you should see her turn on the show. 

Looking back, I now suspect she has perfected staging rear-end accidents.  She reported at least 3 to me. All of them happened on the same stretch of road.  Within a mile of each other... .and very little, if any, damage to her car. And she never reports them to the police.  What is the common denominator?  SHE IS! Something is not right there.  I believe it is an adrenaline fix for her.

She also told me a year ago... .when I was going to leave her (only be her friend)... .that she has been diagnosed with lung cancer.  I took her to treatments, but was never allowed to go in.  Had to sit in the parking lot and wait for her to text me. I never saw any medications, no medical paperwork, etc. She would not give me her doctor's name and told me she uses a 'false' name for medical purposes (and won't give it to anyone ever) because of her former career as an advocate of victims of domestic violence.  There is a LOT more to that story... .but I no longer believe she has lung cancer.  A year later, she is waaaaayyy too healthy and has always been able to go out and do ALL the things she WANTED to do... .including skydiving early this spring.

Who lies about having cancer?  Rhetorical question... .I know the answer. 

I have to face the fact about me.  She supplied me with a lot of crises to rescue her. I am a rescuer, fixer, care-giver.  I need to fix me so I can be whole again.  This is a lot of work, but I'm making progress and like the changes very much.

Hope you are doing well today.  Hang in there... .every day is new and filled with possibility.

[mitchell16]

mine would tell half truths and extreme exgerartions.

Had 4 th stage cancer prior to us meeting. But no chemotherapy or radiation.  when I researched that not of my researched showed this was possible. never heard her family talk about it at all. Only her friends which she had met after the cancer. so they only know her story

was raped. But the story changed I think at least 3 times in two years

when we met her last boyfreind was mean and broke into her house. later to hear her say it he was very good to her.

was always getting slpped date rape drugs.

said her sister alway stole her boyfirend. But what issaw it was her that was flirting with her sister boyfriend.

when It came to me. I was always doing things that I never remeber happening or saying. Of if I did say it. She would say that I said it in a rude manor.

Her father was abusive growing up. Not sure but he always seem like dteh nicest man.

so nothing adds up with her. so yes I think most of what the tell is exgearration or flat out lies.

[numb_buddha]

I had asked myself that same question many, many times. I still do. It's part of trying to make sense of the nonsensical, of looking desperately for closure. We've been in our own silent wars with these people and barely know how to begin telling the story.

I remember new "traumas" being introduced later in the relationship. "I was held at gunpoint once."

"I had a boyfriend who rode motorcycles and he died."

"I have Lyme disease." Note: Never once saw a mark on her body.

"I have arrhythmia."

"I am anemic."

When we first met, she told me all of the good bacteria in her gut had been eviscerated due to antibiotics she took for her tooth. In retrospect, I see how this was used as an excuse for several months to not be available and to turn conversations on her pain and needs. 

[Jbt857]

She also was writing on her FB page on one moment that she had again another serious accident.  Her car, a Mercedes of course (I say this laughing, she suffered the same problem as my ex, a known brand was to give her a bit of an identity) had been very seriously damaged at the back.  Just two or three days later I saw her driving the same car, with just a little damage to the towbar !

I drive a Mercedes!      

I LOLed!

[starshine]

Well, my uexBPDbf would tell me the most serendipitous stories- one was about his ex rear ending him and being drunk so he drove her home.  He seemed to have a LOT of run-ins with his exwife- and we don't live in a small town.  I mean, I live in the same town as him and haven't seen him for 6 months.  I really think so much of what he told me is suspect, probably lies or at best half truths.  He would be going to "therapy", but really the bar was where he was.  Weird how he was able to rewrite history.  We were together for 5 years, and he ended it one day- even though we never had a conversation about breaking up.  He threw me out of our house, but will tell people we broke up because I moved out.  He would tell me with his words how much he valued me, our relationship, the life we were building together.  But he devalued me so quickly, in an instant.  And 4 days later he was actively pursuing another relationship with someone else- who I thought was a friend.  Turns out they are both sick, mean, and greedy people. Whew! He totally fits the waif archetype- a victim through and through. He sure could talk a good talk though- he was smart and high functioning enough that I couldn't understand what the heck was going on.  What it boiled down to was that his actions didn't match his words. 

[ScotisGone74]

 a victim through and through. He sure could talk a good talk though- he was smart and high functioning enough that I couldn't understand what the heck was going on.  What it boiled down to was that his actions didn't match his words. Posted by: starshine

Thanks for sharing, mine was female twin of that guy. 

Here are a few quotes:

On her ex husband:  "He stole from me, he cheated on me, I can't just settle with him"      and then two years later about him:    "#$%^&W is coming over to sit for pet, oh he called to say he would"     "I will always love (blank), I still love him"   

about me asking about all the dog poop in her bathroom where she blocks off her dog while she is gone  "You just hate this dog because he is here for me"         

other things      "If you loved me you would be over here right now with me rubbing my back"   while I'm at my kid's soccer game after getting off work for 13 hours.       

"If you loved me you would get me pregnant, my monthly cramps are just going to get worse until I have a baby"           

Two months before having another guy move in with her    after going out to dinner at her favorite restaurant in

Nashville   " That was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, I love you more than you know"   

[Aussie0zborn]

Mine had a lot of stories about being abused by men throughout her whole life with one drama after another and I mostly believed them, although a few were rather far fetched. I was content knowing I couldn't be any of those guys and never had too many dramas and I was content knowing I was bringing stability into her life. It also gave me sense that she was serious about wanting to grow old together.

She only ever had one speeding ticket in her whole life. She drove responsibly but when she drove my car she would hit the gas and tear around corners. I was shocked.

Now that I am on the receiving end of her post relationship abuse and vexatious legal action I see that half the drama was perceived and the other half of her own doing.