Totally get your concern.
My first guess is that if you are wondering if you are walking on eggshells, then you most likely are walking on eggshells, and that isn't good for you, your bf, or your r/s.
However figuring out which side of the line you are on is always tough. I'd describe the "good" side of the line in a different way:
There were times where I really wanted to say something or ask for some sort of support or validation of my feelings.
But I was 99.99% sure that any effort to get that kind of support from my wife (at the time) would result in me getting the opposite of what I wanted from her.
I had to accept that at that time, the kind of support I want wasn't going to come from my wife, and I needed to find another source for it one way or another.
This version involves using the communication tools (S.E.T., validation, not JADE'ing, etc.) and feels like choosing to improve my r/s with my wife, building on successes and working within limits.
And most importantly, I felt like I was choosing to do the right things. I didn't feel forced into anything.
I am already not being the "real me" in a sense so then doing something unhealthy like not seeing my friends as much is also not the ""real me" either
That's the sort of behavior I'd look to change if I were you... .and no, it isn't at all easy to do it, but it is worth it!