eyvindr
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« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2013, 12:21:55 PM » |
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Hi Waifed,
I found your post interesting, because you described to a tee my ex gf's behavior following all of the major arguments we had, after I'd reached the end of my rope and stood up to her madness.
With my ex, it never involved infidelity -- one of the things that has been hardest for me, in fact, is that she's a really nice person, when she isn't consumed by the BPD, or NPD, or whatever the heck it is. Her worst "offenses" involved lies of omission (about stupid things, really -- like her finances and stuff -- just things that she was embarrassed about), and "spinning" the truth (w/ regard to things like eating crappily, or spending money on her daughter that she couldn't afford). Just wanted to clarify here, because it is important.
What made this hard for me was my feeling that, if she'd just get some quality therapy, and possibly some meds, even short-term, to manage her anxiety and OCD issues -- everything else could fall in line, and we would be able to have mostly good, positive times, with the normal degree of r-ship bumps that all couples occasionally experience. It really feels like I was robbed of a great r-ship with a terrific woman because of this appalling mental disorder.
But -- after hours or days of being harangued for the most maddeningly ridiculous things (like some female work acquaintance posting a winky emoticon on my FB page in response to a silly post, or haranguing me for ignoring her when I went to have dinner with my family, on Christmas eve -- to which she was more than welcome but chose not to -- and I didn't treat the occasion like a fast-food grab 'n go event) -- I'd eventually lose my patience and tell her how it was -- and she'd completely crumble. I realize it's b/c it was only then that she was able to consider that potentially I really wasn't kidding about being unwilling to continue in a relationship, if these types of things were going to continue to ruin our ability to spend time enjoying each other and our r-ship.
So, I'd agree with you -- it's about them feeling the fear that you actually may leave them (in their world, abandon). Not sure about the replacement issue, because I don't really think my ex was like this -- but it does fit with the patterns we read about in the literature and hear others share.
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