Why I suspect they ARE "better off" after us

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

My point of this post was to share information that describes why we might feel our exBPD's have it better when we break up, what we do with that info is up to each of us.

We make a lot of generalizations on these boards and perpetuate conventional wisdom, some of which I agree with and some I don't. It just seems a recurring theme during our healing is "we are worse off/they move on okay" and most of it is speculation or a reaction to our own low point and I found an article that possibly gets to the Why of this.

Great points, peas!  

The description in the article definitely shows why we nons would feel that they are better off IF they did not have BPD. Most of us have not yet wrapped our heads around the fact that they do not feel and think exactly like we do -- a lack of acceptance.

The pwBPD is not better off in my eyes as they are like a person with a dental abcess who chooses to temporarily numb the pain by drinking a fifth of liquor. It blocks the pain for a short bit but in no way are they any better off than the person who goes to the dentist.

Sounds like you had a great therapy session, peas! Good job! 

[Learning_curve74]

My point of this post was to share information that describes why we might feel our exBPD's have it better when we break up, what we do with that info is up to each of us.

We make a lot of generalizations on these boards and perpetuate conventional wisdom, some of which I agree with and some I don't. It just seems a recurring theme during our healing is "we are worse off/they move on okay" and most of it is speculation or a reaction to our own low point and I found an article that possibly gets to the Why of this.

Great points, peas!  

The description in the article definitely shows why we nons would feel that they are better off IF they did not have BPD. Most of us have not yet wrapped our heads around the fact that they do not feel and think exactly like we do -- a lack of acceptance.

The pwBPD is not better off in my eyes as they are like a person with a dental abcess who chooses to temporarily numb the pain by drinking a fifth of liquor. It blocks the pain for a short bit but in no way are they any better off than the person who goes to the dentist.

Sounds like you had a great therapy session, peas! Good job! 

[musicfan42]

This thread struck a nerve with me and I had no idea why.

My BPD ex was still interested in an ex-girlfriend. I had to hear ALL about this girl. I could tell objectively that she was just a user-after his money whereas I genuinely liked him as a person. I actually warned him that the girl was toxic however he didn't listen and got back with her and lo and behold, she used him yet again.

I have a tough skin so I accepted his rejection as just that-rejection and I knew that someone else would find me attractive... that it wasn't the end of the world. But at the same time, I'm not made of stone so it was hurtful to offer love and affection to someone and see them interested in someone cold-hearted and callous.

My BPD ex also wouldn't comply with treatment-wouldn't attend therapy often enough, wouldn't take his medication for BPD as prescribed... now who was that hurting only himself? He struggled with mood swings, severe depression, anxiety yet he wouldn't follow medical instructions.

His quality of life would have been so much better had he complied so yes in the short-term, he hurt my feelings but in the long-term, he's only hurting himself because no matter where he goes, there he is. You can't run away from who you are-it'll catch up with you eventually... not immediately but over the long haul, problems build up and it's just a chaotic life overall. I don't feel sorry for him because he made those bad choices and that's it... .it's his own fault.

I dumped him because he kept going on about that girl (I was not going to put up with that!) But anyways, he contacted me after the break-up... sent me a lovely message but by that stage, I was over him yet he was still pining over me... .I heard it all... "oh I was so honest and good to you and I don't know why you abandoned me". I wasn't going to fall for it. I was the one who was honest and good to him-he was taking MY character traits and acting like they were his own.

[Ironmanrises]

My point of this post was to share information that describes why we might feel our exBPD's have it better when we break up, what we do with that info is up to each of us.

We make a lot of generalizations on these boards and perpetuate conventional wisdom, some of which I agree with and some I don't. It just seems a recurring theme during our healing is "we are worse off/they move on okay" and most of it is speculation or a reaction to our own low point and I found an article that possibly gets to the Why of this.

Great points, peas!  

The description in the article definitely shows why we nons would feel that they are better off IF they did not have BPD. Most of us have not yet wrapped our heads around the fact that they do not feel and think exactly like we do -- a lack of acceptance.

The pwBPD is not better off in my eyes as they are like a person with a dental abcess who chooses to temporarily numb the pain by drinking a fifth of liquor. It blocks the pain for a short bit but in no way are they any better off than the person who goes to the dentist.

Sounds like you had a great therapy session, peas! Good job! 

In bold.

Spot on Learning.

Great analogy.