He is getting worse and I can't cope anymore...

[Nearlybroken]

Well, so much has happened that I barely know where to start and it's all been so crazy that I don't think this post will make much sense.I would like to think that I have handled our split well.Despite my heart being broken into a million pieces and wanting him to hurt the way he has hurt me,I have ensured that I divided our possessions/sorted our finances/not asked people to take sides etc.He currently lives in a flat that I own as he had nowhere to go.He wanted our large TV so I asked him to bring the small one from my flat so we could swop.He turned up without it... .having decided that he needed two TVs.I decided not to argue about this (as I do not have the strength anymore).During his visit I asked him if he could take a look at my phone as I am constantly getting unwanted notifications whenever my friends on FB are playing games.I thought this to be an innocent request but transpires I was unwittingly lighting a touchpaper.I was accused of 1) Hacking his FB account 2) Forcing my friends to spy on him on FB (though he did comment that he did not blame my friends as I would have forced them to do it) 3)Hacking his phone/computer 4) controlling him.He refused to look at my phone, screamed that I was horrible and spiteful and walked out of our house hyperventilating and panicing.I did not follow him to check if he was OK (first time ever).I bumped into him a few days after this incident at a friend's coffee shop.He sat down where I was and was talking LIKE WE WERE STILL TOGETHER!Laughing and joking with my friend, making normal conversation with me.I made him look at my phone to prove that I was receiving these messages.He apologised to me.He stated " you know how I am a very private person and value my privacy above all else so I was angry when I thought you had hacked my phone".I pointed out to him that he was aware I couldnt use my own phone very well so was most unlikely to have the skills required to hack a phone.He responded with " we have resolved the issue... .please dont tell me anymore as I will think this is a confrontation and I will have to walk away.It's how I handle confrontation.You know I cant deal with confrontations ".Stupidly I said "So does that mean that you can say or do whatever you want but people can't react ?".His response "Yes".We parted and I later got a sex text from him followed by a "sorry not meant  for you... .doh!" text.Gutting.He then texted me to say that he had blocked me and 6 friends of ours on FB as he could not be sure who I had forced to spy on him... .despite the fact he accepted   when he saw my phone that I was receiving random messages.I even got one when he was holding my phone.Two of the people he has blocked are very very upset as they had no idea why he would do this.I then got the usual abusive twisted thinking s***t thrown at me ( won't bore you with the details) and painted black.He has told his family that they can speak to me but not mention my name as I have hacked his phone!How in God's name when he sees HARD EVIDENCE that I had not hacked anything with his own eyes, apologises and rectifies that problem for me can he still maintain to me that his version of events is correct?He also told me that he could only talk of certain things with me for "self preservation "reasons.I still dont know what that means.He is behaving like I am some dangerous psychopath and I can honestly state I have done nothing at all to him.It seems like he just cannot handle me being "in the right" so has to create senarios in his head to reassure himself that I am this nasty person.I swear his behaviour is getting worse and now he is involving others.I just cannot cope with his view of me.To think that someone thinks I am a vile person capable of nastiness really hurts me... .and when it is someone I loved so much and dedicated my life to ... .awful.Can someone help me with this?As an aside... .he is on my mind 24/7.I cannot stop thinking about him.Does anyone have any tips to try and stop this.I am physically and mentally on the bottom and dont think I am strong enough to cope with this.NB.xxxxxx

[123Phoebe]

Nearlybroken, it's not your problem if he doesn't have a place to go other than the flat that you own.  You're posting on the Leaving Board, yet you are very much attached to him.  He has ended the relationship, yet has a roof over his head (your roof!), 2 TVs (of yours!), gets to emotionally push you around etc... .

Nothing is going to change until you change things.

Your friends and family might start to wonder how much of what you say is true, since our actions speak a lot louder than words.  If he's so bad, why hook him up with all these amenities?

Have you checked out the Staying Board lessons?  I'm not suggesting that you stay, but if you're choosing to stay in contact, the lessons could help a lot of your future interactions.

It's up to you how much more you're willing to take.

We are in charge of our own lives!

 

[Nearlybroken]

Everything that you say is true 123P and thanks for the advice.It means a lot ,I am currently having therapy which is helping me to deal with some issues and comes to terms with the fact that I am actually facilitating the emotional abuse on myself.I know what I SHOULD do but I just find it impossible to be strong where he is concerned.I think that it is because I have seen him when he has been upset and anxious and this plays in the back of my mind.He once alos self harmed when I did something he didnt like... .and this really really made me feel guilty .Also, where I am concerned he has the ability to twist and exaggerate everything so any "normal" reaction on my part is turned into something only an evil person would do and the more I try to rid him of the belief that I am awful the worse it gets .I don't know... .maybe I just can't handle the fact that someone thinks I am capable of such nastiness.I wish I had the answers.The funny thing is that I am now on the receiving end of things I heard him say to his ex wife so I know it is he who has the issues.And you are right about my friends maybe not believing me... .noone can understand why I am so "reasonable " with him.I can't :-(