Ultimate NC Codependent

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

BPD wife moved out 3 months ago with a police escort. 3 weeks later I asked about getting the car back. Same day she filed a Protection from Abuse order. No contact for two years and she lives at a "Confidential" address. No contact. No closure in the relationship/marriage. I was told to get a lawyer.

I knew she had a mental illness, because she told me on our first real date. She said she just didn't know which one. I loved her then, and I love her now. I said, "I will be here for you." I am seriously codependent. We've recycled this marriage before, many times. Two years is the ultimate silent treatment. We have only been married for just over two years! I am totally lost in the FOG.

On the other hand, the car registration runs out this month. She served me with divorce papers (after I tried but failed to serve her at her confidential address... control issues). My lawyer filed a counter-case.

Or maybe she really isn't that into me anymore. Neither of us wanted to go through a divorce. It is like a pre-scripted, self-fulling prophecy. I saw the red flags, and ignored them. But if I could just talk to my wife again we could work it out.

[oblivian2013]

BPD wife moved out 3 months ago with a police escort. 3 weeks later I asked about getting the car back. Same day she filed a Protection from Abuse order. No contact for two years and she lives at a "Confidential" address. No contact. No closure in the relationship/marriage. I was told to get a lawyer.

I knew she had a mental illness, because she told me on our first real date. She said she just didn't know which one. I loved her then, and I love her now. I said, "I will be here for you." I am seriously codependent. We've recycled this marriage before, many times. Two years is the ultimate silent treatment. We have only been married for just over two years! I am totally lost in the FOG.

On the other hand, the car registration runs out this month. She served me with divorce papers (after I tried but failed to serve her at her confidential address... control issues). My lawyer filed a counter-case.

Or maybe she really isn't that into me anymore. Neither of us wanted to go through a divorce. It is like a pre-scripted, self-fulling prophecy. I saw the red flags, and ignored them. But if I could just talk to my wife again we could work it out.

[slimmiller]

Or maybe she really isn't that into me anymore. Neither of us wanted to go through a divorce. It is like a pre-scripted, self-fulling prophecy. I saw the red flags, and ignored them. But if I could just talk to my wife again we could work it out.

Why do you want to work it out? With BPD, the real blessing is when they finally loosen their emotional talons and free us

You state that you are 'co-dependent'.  I agree that most of us nons probably are to a  degree but for me I think of myself as more 'caretaker' then codependent.

I found the book, 'Stop caretaking the Borderlione and Narcissist' extremely helpful in dealing with this

[GreenMango]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear about the order.  The extreme responses are pretty shocking.

About the legal parts like the car... .we also have a family law board.  I think you may get some good advice there too on where to next.

[oblivian2013]

Thank you for your replies.