why do I get my hopes up that it will be over?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Okay, house sold, even though my ex walked out and had to be court ordered to return and finish signing the paperwork, it was completed.

But why did I get my hopes up that the next court hearing would happened on time and without hassle?

I agree to let I be postponed for a week because his attorney was out of town until the day before.

So 10/8/13 was to be the day. All at once, bunches of questions about expenses I am asking for... .rural property so septic system and water system had to pass inspection. He was informed of each inspection and the cost, I wrote the checks, well needed upgrades, I wrote the checks, since he was required to get financing on the house before 12/31/12, any house payments I would have to make were to be reimbursed (journal entry from divorce). Really, is it that hard to review these expenses and agree?

Oh did I mention that his two attorneys are filing for the proceeds from this so he will get nothing?

Of course he isn't motivated to move forward. He has nothing to lose.

My attorney brought this up with his attorney, hey I am living in the basement of friends for 2 years because I have to pay all the expenses while he just moves on with his life. Yes I could say more about him but why.

So frustrated, I so had my mind set that tomorrow it would all be done. So tired, so down.

[coffee shop]

Okay, house sold, even though my ex walked out and had to be court ordered to return and finish signing the paperwork, it was completed.

But why did I get my hopes up that the next court hearing would happened on time and without hassle?

I agree to let I be postponed for a week because his attorney was out of town until the day before.

So 10/8/13 was to be the day. All at once, bunches of questions about expenses I am asking for... .rural property so septic system and water system had to pass inspection. He was informed of each inspection and the cost, I wrote the checks, well needed upgrades, I wrote the checks, since he was required to get financing on the house before 12/31/12, any house payments I would have to make were to be reimbursed (journal entry from divorce). Really, is it that hard to review these expenses and agree?

Oh did I mention that his two attorneys are filing for the proceeds from this so he will get nothing?

Of course he isn't motivated to move forward. He has nothing to lose.

My attorney brought this up with his attorney, hey I am living in the basement of friends for 2 years because I have to pay all the expenses while he just moves on with his life. Yes I could say more about him but why.

So frustrated, I so had my mind set that tomorrow it would all be done. So tired, so down.

[ForeverDad]

I'd say don't agree to another continuance.  The lawyer(s) have had more than enough time to prepare.  Bring your papers to court and a couple sets of copies just in case for his lawyer and the court.  Let the judge decide whether to proceed or not.  ("My attorney brought this up with his attorney, hey I am living in the basement of friends for 2 years because I have to pay all the expenses while he just moves on with his life." -- tell the judge that!)  Appeal to the judge's common sense, that you've suffered through this long enough.  Hopefully the judge is peeved with him and them and will grant every one of your justifiable expenses - and some extra to reimburse your time and suffering.

You've learned this by now.  Lawyers start by asking each other to agree on continuances.  Feigned professional courtesy.  Whoop dee doo.  If they don't agree then it's up to the judge to decide.

[The Mrs]

All I can really say, all I can really offer is I am so sorry... .

I am new here, I have not followed your story and your struggle but I can hear and feel it in this post.  Of course you are  frustrated.  And rightfully so.  You were hoping for some sort of closure.  You will get it, eventually.  Yes, you are tired and down, but you will get up again and keep going and this will be behind you eventually.  

Like I said, I a truly am sorry for your pain.  Nobody deserves to suffer like this.

[coffee shop]

thank you foreverdad, I knew you would respond. You know how it is and how frustration these things are. I said no continuance, my attorney is trying to just send all the info to the judge and not have a hearing. My ex's attorney sounded like he would agree but I didn't hear before the end of the day. I guess if this happens I could be a week or so before we hear the findings. The good thing is I would not have to go to court and my ex would not be able to see again. Everyone agrees this is what he wants, conflict and better yet conflict in person.

thanks so much for the support!

[coffee shop]

thanks The Mrs I don't like bringing other down yet at times that is how low I am. Even though I am close to the end or maybe because I am close to the end I am really down. It has been a long 2+years, depending on friends and family and knowing that a 6 year marriage with no children should not have taken this long.

So many around me don't understand and really cant comprehend how this happens, Those on this board understand and give good wisdom/advice.

[catnap]

  coffeeshop

I admire your strength and resolve. 

[livednlearned]

Hi coffeeshop,



I'm right behind you on the house stuff. My hearing is Thursday, to get N/BPDx to refinance the house (supposed to be done 8/12), give me the title to my car, pay my legal fees.

Some days I can cope with it, but other ways I am so weary to the bone I can barely get through the day. Judge could order that N/BPDx pays me a million dollars and I wouldn't blink an eye. Even a financial windfall wouldn't make any of this worth it.

I never watch tv, but a friend got me watching Scandal, which is about a team of lawyers who "fix" problems of wealthy powerful people in DC. I spend the entire hour diagnosing the characters with different PDs. It's my guilty pleasure these days because there's all this vigilante justice, which seems to fulfill some deep need I have. Not healthy, but I don't care. This month will make it 3 years since I left N/BPDx and I'm still in court.  :'(

If a fixer showed up on my door, I'd swing it wide open for them.

[coffee shop]

We ended up going to court yesterday only the have opposing counsel argue for a continuance and get it. So it will cost me my attorney's time, my time off from work and my girlfriends time off from work (I don't drive myself to court since my b/NPD/exh tried to fun me off the road on my way home.)

Even though they received the expense spreadsheet last Thursday, it didn't include the receipts so they didn't know if I had paid them or not. My attorney argued that there had not been a question in the past as to whether I had paid them or not, everything was billed to me not him, and my attorney said we would send them copies of the receipts.

Then they asked for proof that I had made the mortage payments, from 12/12 through 9/13 (the divorce judge stated in the JE that if my ex didn't get finacing on the house or make payments on time I would be reimbursed for the payments). Seriously? would the balance on the loan go down if I hadn't made the payments? Of course I had thought to bring the copies of my canceled receipts so the judge dismissed that issue quickly. Then they asked for a listing from the loan company for payments I made for the past 2 years? It has nothing to do with anything, the house is sold and the loan was current.

I am waiting to see what motions they will file before next week so that this will continue on. I am not getting my hopes up again that this will be the end next week.

[coffee shop]

back in court this afternoon. Maybe this will be the end, maybe the judge will rule on everything, leave nothing for a later date and it will be over?

The purpose of this hearing is the divide the proceeds from the sale of the home. My attorney has a 2 page spreedsheet with the division, my ex sent a 26 page rebuttal. We will see how the day goes.

[coffee shop]

We did return to court on the 15th. My attorney was ready to argue the 26 page rebuttal from my ex. His attorney suggested they talk to the judge about him taking it under review. This is what my attoney suggested last week in court instead of a continuance. Ex did not want to do this and the Judge said he wanted everything to stay on record and agreed to a continuance. This week, my attorney just has casual notes because we didn't get the rebuttal soon enough to write anything formal & besides we expected the judge was going to hear the case to 'keep everything on record'. Yet when he was asked to review the judge agreed. My attorney argued that we didn't have a response to the recently submitted material from opposing counsel and the judge said email it to me but don't make it a long dissertation, just a brief response.

We started with a 2 page spreadsheet of my expenses to sell the house and reimbursement of the house payments which were ordered in the divorce JE, my ex submitted 26 pages of requests from where is his wheelbarrow, to pictures of how the lawn wasn't mowed before he was awarded the house last Oct. and pictures showing in April of this year when he was ordered out of the house due to not gettting financing and not making house payments for 4 months, he had the lawn mowed, to saying I had let the house get too cold and the softener tank had burst due to freezing, to saying I dug up an 8 foot tree and took it with me. Of course there was a lot more, and of course the house didn't freeze, I did remove a dead 5' tree, I left the house clean and in good working order. This is just a way to delay & distract the judge. Just rule on what expenses are allowed and what are not and divide the house proceeds. Be done already.

[coffee shop]

judge agreed with my ex's request to postpone the hearing for a judge decision. at least two more weeks. I can't deal with this.

[Free One]

judge agreed with my ex's request to postpone the hearing for a judge decision. at least two more weeks. I can't deal with this.

I am sorry. I know that feeling of being stuck in this overwhelming process.  You just want it to be over and done with. I know at this point, it seems endless, and you are probably tired of hearing it, but it does get better, so hang in there and take care of yourself. And vent. Often!

[ForeverDad]

Yes it sucks for a little longer but ponder this... .back in early 2012 you probably felt you could never ever get away.  Now, here you are in 2013, just a few more puppet strings to cut and you'll be totally free!  Who wudda thunk it?

[coffee shop]

Sounds like it will go to another hearing. Really? judge just review and rule. Yes it will be over. I am so ready to move on. Pay my attorney, I was all caught up after taking out my retirement fund. Now I am out of money again and not place to get more. I am 57 and will now have to work for the rest of my life to live. Before I met my N/BPD ex, I was comfortable. Not rich but knew I could take care of myself. Sad, very sad.

[livednlearned]

Sounds like it will go to another hearing. Really? judge just review and rule. Yes it will be over. I am so ready to move on. Pay my attorney, I was all caught up after taking out my retirement fund. Now I am out of money again and not place to get more. I am 57 and will now have to work for the rest of my life to live. Before I met my N/BPD ex, I was comfortable. Not rich but knew I could take care of myself. Sad, very sad.

That is sad. I'm thinking I'll be in the same position. After you get over the emotional and psychological stuff, you're confronted with the financial legacy.

You know, during my last hearing, when the judge was soo nice to N/BPDx, my L explained that he was letting my ex feel heard. Some disordered, unhappy guy got a bad ruling one day a month ago, and then starting waving a gun around in the middle of a busy downtown area. The police ended up killing him because he would not stop threatening people.

Your judge may be awful, which is probably the case. Or he may be doing this very carefully since he knows your ex has a dangerous streak.

Hard to say.

When I win the lottery, I'm sending everyone here a million dollars 

[coffee shop]

 

[coffee shop]

Judge reviewed statements from both sides but won't rule without another hearing. Monday back in court. :-(

[maxen]

Sounds like it will go to another hearing. Really? judge just review and rule. Yes it will be over. I am so ready to move on. Pay my attorney, I was all caught up after taking out my retirement fund. Now I am out of money again and not place to get more. I am 57 and will now have to work for the rest of my life to live. Before I met my N/BPD ex, I was comfortable. Not rich but knew I could take care of myself. Sad, very sad.

i am so so sorry coffee shop. i'm 56, and am going into a process that will hand over a tidy sum to a BPD spouse who left me in deceit and infidelity. i really sympathize with your situation. hope all turns out as well as possible.