Broke The NC Code of Conduct...

[LoneWolf768]

I should know better. I really, really, really don't need to be told about NC and how valuable a tool it is when recovering from an ex BPD'er. I have known all along the power of NC and how, when the code is broken, that power transfers to the ex.

I sent her 2 text messages on September 17th letting her know she finally saw our pic from almost a year ago on her Facebook page and took it down. Told her I knew how she felt about me but wanted to put it out there that I wouldn't abandon her if she needed someone to reach out to if life began to overwhelm her. I told her she now has my new # and could use it.

I sent two more texts this past Sunday. I'll say alcohol was involved but that's not why i sent two more. I just wanted to see if somehow a friendly text would come thru on my end. It didn't. It won't. I'm completely wiped out of her life. It was as if time was rewound and we never met.

Now, it's as if I'm having to go back to the beginning. She didn't reach out to me; I reached out to her. I imagine she's out having as much as as human beings can have and doesn't nor has ever cared about me and how I feel. At one time, we talked freely, openly, bonded (I thought) shared some intimate moments and plans for a future. It went bad. Real bad. She was just as responsible for the demise and never took responsibility for her part while I manned up and took responsibility for my part. So she blames me for everything, skates out, puts on a smile and waltzes thru life as if I never mattered?

I don't need to turn this into a pity party. God knows we're all crushed and hurting beyond words. Hence the reason to NEVER break the NC code. Please... .don't break the code!

It... .isn't... .worth... .it.  I'm sorry I let you guys down. I'm especially sorry I let myself down.

[Ironmanrises]

Lone... .

You are only human.

Maintaining NC... .

Is not easy.

For a reason.

Now that you saw... .

Why it is better to remain NC... .

I know it hurts... .

Trust me... .

The next time... .

You feel like breaking NC... .

This should remind you... .

Of the consequences... .

Of that.

Dont beat yourself up too much.

Use this... .

As your resolve... .

To not breach it again.

Hang in there buddy.

You are not alone.

(I have days... .

Myself... .

Where i wish to break NC... .

But i remind myself... .

Of the god awful sh¥t... .

That i would encounter... .

If i were to do so... .

That immediately... .

Stops all thoughts of that... .)

[hopealways]

I wonder what is worse: us breaking NC or them breaking their NC and contacting us. Either way, if you tell yourself you are moving on and will not respond, that is when the healing will really take effect. If you can almost laugh at the entire situation and move on, that's where I would like you to be. And you will be there.  But understand that their emotions are not like yours.  By you saying you will be there for them they do not react like a normal human. To them you are their prey who has agreed to be there for them whenever they decide they are hungry once again so they can come devour you and spit you out.  Don't do it, you deserve true love with it's normal ups and downs, NOT a psychotic individual.

[Learning_curve74]

LoneWolf768, nothing's perfect in this world, so why expect yourself to be perfect? How did you let us down? Maybe you let yourself down a little because you wanted to maintain NC, but it is hardly anything to punish yourself over beyond what you're already feeling, right?

I bet you were a kind and caring person who always tried to help and support your ex. It's not easy to change our habits and ways of thinking, so it's totally understandable what you did. Now you understand her true colors -- that she is a pwBPD and all that entails -- you can start to be kind and caring to yourself, the person who truly deserves your help and support right now! 

I should know better. I really, really, really don't need to be told about NC and how valuable a tool it is when recovering from an ex BPD'er. I have known all along the power of NC and how, when the code is broken, that power transfers to the ex.

What exactly is this "power" you are talking about? NC is simply a tool to create distance between us and the pwBPD in order to start detaching or becoming nonattached. We need this space to start our own healing otherwise it's like picking at the developing scab and then the wound never heals.

To say that she now has the "power", isn't that being superstitious? Do you believe she has some magical power over you? Think about this very clearly: are your actions a result of her thoughts and feelings or are your actions a result of your thoughts and feelings?

[Accepting]

To say that she now has the "power", isn't that being superstitious? Do you believe she has some magical power over you? Think about this very clearly: are your actions a result of her thoughts and feelings or are your actions a result of your thoughts and feelings?

I like this. A fundamental self-help tool I try to use on myself is by telling myself what I tell friends when they're down and out from something to do with a relationship (albeit, not pd r/ship... .but alas, hurting all the same) - You have to take responsibility for your own happiness. No matter what is going on with anyone else.

It's like constantly trying to ground yourself, realign, feel centred ... and feel okay despite external influences.

[winston72]

Thanks, LearningCurve... .a great reminder!

LoneWolf... .I am sorry you are hurting so much over this.  In my best words of professional advice: ":)ude!  Lighten up!  There is no "code" of NC, you did not let us down, you did not lose your power, she did not take your power... .as LearningCurve said, NC just gives you space to heal... .so you pinged her, you are hurt by her failure to respond, don't assume you know what is in her mind, mend yourself, have a plan, reset, go again."

Hmm... .wish I could always follow that advice!