My anniversary pledge to not feel guilty

[Cmjo]

On October 11th I will mark one year since the day I finally left my uBPDex.

From this day on I pledge to move forward in a positive way. I have talked, written thought endlessly about the pain, the guilt, worried about my kids, had insomnia, depression, terrible neck  pain, exhaustion, neglected myself... .

But now I ACCEPT that he has a disorder and will never change

I REALISE that the gaslighting and rage towards mainly me but also the kids was all seriously damaging psychological and emotional abuse, and for 12 years I glossed over it and pretended it wasnt that bad or I could make it better, but I couldnt.

I am GLAD that I made the decision to leave and resisted all attempts to make me go back

I LOOK FORWARD to healing and being able to find a truly loving relationship with a man who really deserves me, respects me and supports me

I am not GUILTY about leaving him, I have saved myself and my children who might have a chance of a better relationship with their father without me there to trigger him, life is going to get better... .

Thanks for listening and to this forum who have helped me get out of the FOG, its a slow process but you can do it!

[Learning_curve74]

Looks like you are on a good path, cmjo. Best wishes to you! 

[qkslvrgirl]

Congratulations on clearing the FOG and attaining the altitude where you can see beyond the pit of despair. I woke up after 12 years to realize that I had stopped enjoying so much in life, including travel; so I made plans for a three-week holiday in Thailand. It was marvelous!

You mentioned travel and living abroad... .maybe you can decide on someplace you'd like to go and start planning. When I first woke up to my desire to travel again, I simply started by stating my intent. As I repeated it to myself and others, the path opened up.

Keep moving and find your passions again.

Best wishes,

Quicksilver Girl