Message today

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Just got what may be the final message, Im kinda shaking.

Text me saying that she never loved me anyway and that she was deleting my number and Im never to contact her again.

Said she could never trust me again etc.

Bugger I didn't need to hear that  

[strikeforce]

Just got what may be the final message, Im kinda shaking.

Text me saying that she never loved me anyway and that she was deleting my number and Im never to contact her again.

Said she could never trust me again etc.

Bugger I didn't need to hear that  

[Ironmanrises]

If she was deleting your number... .

Why text you to tell you that... .?

Because she knows that will hurt you... .

To read that.

And... .

That she is really not going to delete your number... .

And will contact you again... .

In x period of time.

[strikeforce]

I have done so well the last 2 weeks I need a cry now  :'(

She text today saying it was a make or break chat, after 2 weeks NC.

I stupidly gave in in and agreed.

She hurt me bad.

[Ironmanrises]

Resist the urge... .

To reply to her.

I know it is hard... .

I know it hurts.

Let it out on here.

Vent.

Cry.

Nothing wrong with that.

Hang in there strike.

[hopealways]

If she was deleting your number... .

Why text you to tell you that... .?

Because she knows that will hurt you... .

To read that.

And... .

That she is really not going to delete your number... .

And will contact you again... .

In x period of time.

Ironman you always know what you are talking about... .yes this is correct-she just wants to get a response out of you so she can shut you down... .AGAIN. Resist the urge. This is all part of their game. They are so predictable.

[strikeforce]

I'm so angry, maybe with myself, I don't know.

I have deleted her number. I wont reply.

She was asking about how we could make it better, patch things up then bang, ''I don't trust you, I'm deleting your number, don't reply''

[bauers220]

Nothing for nothing but my guess is this... .she did NOT delete your number... .and she WILL reach out again... .probably very angry and cutting because you didn't reply.  Its a tantrum - let her have it.  She needs to sooth herself - not get it from you.  You think you are hurting her by not replying?  No you would be hurting you BOTH by replying.  She will never change as long as you or anyone is her enabler ... .this is why its called tough love... .save yourself first - loving yourself above all else.

Hang in there... .xo

[Ironmanrises]

Hopealways... .

Only because i experienced this hell... .

Twice.

In fact... .

She exhibited this behavior... .

Even when i was just friends with her(as we got really close)... .

So technically... .

3 times... .

Of hell.

Behavior... .

The push/pull... .

Literally... .

All the same.

I only became aware... .

Of the disorder... .

After she left me in round 1 of relationship.

Then... .

When she returned... .

True to BPD form... .

And displayed... .

Exactly... .

The same behavior... .

As before... .

And left again... .

Firmly cemented... .

The horrifying... .

Reality... .

Of what i got myself into.

It is why i know... .

She will try again.

Strike... .

Anger is fine... .

It is ok to feel that.

Harness your willpower... .

To keep her away.

[strikeforce]

Just out of the blue told me that after 3 hours of what I thought was positive texting? Im in shock, still shaking  :'(

[Ironmanrises]

You are not alone strike.

We are here for you.

You know... .

We know... .

Exactly... .

What it is... .

You are going through.

I know it hurts.

[strikeforce]

Thanks IMF, bauers220,  hopealways   

I dunno why I am so surprised this is crazy  

[Ironmanrises]

Welcome strike.


It is a disorder... .

Constant upheaval... .

Of reversal of feelings... .

Of unstableness... .

Of hell.

I f¥cking hate this disorder... .Too.

[peas]

Strikeforce, I know how you feel.

This is probably not the best advice. But I took a scorched earth policy when my exBPD guy broke up with me for the last time: I attacked back and assumed a BPD mentality. Yes, it's bad, but I "mirrored" his BS words to me. I finally spoke his language. I also attacked some of his weaknesses, the way he did to me during the r/s. Of course I did not mean it -- being mean and angry is not my style -- but I felt a small sense of power to for once railroad him instead of him railroading me.

Of course, this shut down any possibility of a future recycle and I'm sure he thinks I'm the devil.

My first reaction to your ex's text: Tell her you never loved her either, highlight one of her weaknesses, then immediately block her every which way (email, cell, social media) and stay away indefinitely.

[strikeforce]

Maybe there was a trigger I dunno, but she seemed sweet and wanting to work on getting back, we were almost there then bang she throw me away

[strikeforce]

Strikeforce, I know how you feel.

This is probably not the best advice. But I took a scorched earth policy when my exBPD guy broke up with me for the last time: I attacked back and assumed a BPD mentality. Yes, it's bad, but I "mirrored" his BS words to me. I finally spoke his language. I also attacked some of his weaknesses, the way he did to me during the r/s. Of course I did not mean it -- being mean and angry is not my style -- but I felt a small sense of power to for once railroad him instead of him railroading me.

Of course, this shut down any possibility of a future recycle and I'm sure he thinks I'm the devil.

My first reaction to your ex's text: Tell her you never loved her either, highlight one of her weaknesses, then immediately block her every which way (email, cell, social media) and stay away indefinitely.

Its what I may do if she contacts down the road but right now im sticking with NC, in fact im probably gonna go with 100% NC.

She just lost a great guy, not just a good BF but her best friend.

[bauers220]

Strikeforce, I know how you feel.

This is probably not the best advice. But I took a scorched earth policy when my exBPD guy broke up with me for the last time: I attacked back and assumed a BPD mentality. Yes, it's bad, but I "mirrored" his BS words to me. I finally spoke his language. I also attacked some of his weaknesses, the way he did to me during the r/s. Of course I did not mean it -- being mean and angry is not my style -- but I felt a small sense of power to for once railroad him instead of him railroading me.

Of course, this shut down any possibility of a future recycle and I'm sure he thinks I'm the devil.

My first reaction to your ex's text: Tell her you never loved her either, highlight one of her weaknesses, then immediately block her every which way (email, cell, social media) and stay away indefinitely.

Its what I may do if she contacts down the road but right now im sticking with NC, in fact im probably gonna go with 100% NC.

She just lost a great guy, not just a good BF but her best friend.

Strike - her best friend... .but was she yours?  Think about that.  My ex loved me to call her my best friend... .but she abandoned me so many times... .I didn't think I HAD abadonment issues... .after a couple years of this... .think I sure do.

Don't stoop to her level.  I have done that.  Last summer I was MEAN every time she split on me - and I mean MEAN - I mirrored her because I was getting sick.  I knew what her weaknesses were and I knew it mattered what I thought of her.  I did manage to hurt her deeply.

Two wrongs don't make a right.  YOu cannot fix crazy with crazy - fight fire with fire... .

She'll be back... .count on it

[strikeforce]

Yeah im not going to say anything nasty to her, im just going to completely ignore.

[strikeforce]

She wanted to fix things then just cast me off im gonna go insane

[Tricky]

strikeforce

I feel for you. I feel your pain and  You are not alone.

I've found it hard to see past my love and recognize manipulation, even when it's kicking me in the face! During our relationship and still now. It's easy to forget that she's seriously ill and unable to be any other way, although I know with all my rational brain that she definitely is. How can someone so gorgeous be so unaware and manipulative?

NC is an excellent tool. Stick to it, no matter how difficult, and maybe positively avoid any information about her. Ask your friends, and hers, to keep you out of the loop. Even small snippets send me reeling backwards and take over my thoughts.  Nothing positive comes from any contact, as far as I can see.

Hang in there.

[strikeforce]

Thanks Tricky 

She told me she had been diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (BPD) at a chronic level. Why did I not run a year ago?

Told me she had trouble bonding with her son. Why did I not run then?

The self harming, the blackouts, the manic turns that she claimed she was having. I should have run then too.

But I didn't.

My heads in a bad place tonight.

[recoil]

All of us should have headed for the hills.  Don't beat yourself up.  Learn from this experience.

I really like this phrase:

If you believe that every occurrence in your life presents a lesson and an opportunity for growth, then nothing bad can ever happen to you.

[MammaMia]

If you believe that every occurrence in your life presents a lesson and an opportunity for growth, then nothing bad can ever happen to you.



I like that.  Live and learn.  Problems arise when we do not learn from our mistakes.

Thanks, Recoil.

[bauers220]

If you believe that every occurrence in your life presents a lesson and an opportunity for growth, then nothing bad can ever happen to you.

I actually live this way.  I hold NO victim mentality and when I do feel sorry for myself over this - I actually can beat myself up for it - I know better... .

Unfortunately I have also used this mantra of mine to go back over and over... .believing this relationship would flourish once all the "lessons" were done... .and we'd be healthy and whole... .I discounted the fact that she is ILL ... .and that simply cannot be left out... .

[Tricky]

Maybe you didn't run because you loved her! And have a compassionate heart. And pwBPD manipulate everything and everyone, no one is immune to their illness.

I'm having a very bad day. That's one reason I'm here posting manically, trying to calm down, be positive, give and receive support and avoid temptation. Despite my best efforts some info about her has come my way - some details of the messed up propaganda she is putting out on Facebook, a medium she says she despises and very rarely uses. So tempted to look. I still have access to her FB account from my laptop, so I could do more than that. I'm struggling with the emotional and moral dilemma. I know I must ignore the information and concentrate on myself and my future. Can't get sucked into her manipulations. Should have stopped the conversation when I saw where it was heading. Struggling.

Arrgh... .

Strikeforce, try not to fall into the trap of contact. Stay strong

Best wishes

[Traumatized]

Just got what may be the final message, Im kinda shaking.

Text me saying that she never loved me anyway and that she was deleting my number and Im never to contact her again.

Said she could never trust me again etc.

Bugger I didn't need to hear that  

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this.  I've heard similar words myself recently and know how painful they are to hear.  And I understand the shaking too.  I had a full blown panic attack when my BPDx was breaking up with me, complete with crying, shaking, dry heaving, drooling, and uncontrollable teeth chattering.  It was rough.

It's good that you deleted her number and have vowed not to contact her.  It's been a week and a half since I deleted my BPDx's number right in front of her face so she could see that it was gone.  As hard as it has been for me, and no matter how badly I've wanted to talk to her/see her since, I have not contacted her.  She supposedly deleted my number too, but since she called me last week that clearly was not the case.  Of course I had her number written down at home so it's back in my cell phone , but that way I know when she's calling me (except for when she uses a restricted number).

Hang in there.  She'll probably be back to give you false hope and torment you again soon.

[saw_tooth]

Text me saying that she never loved me anyway and that she was deleting my number and Im never to contact her again.

Said she could never trust me again etc.

Those words in bold are as hurtful as hurtful can be.Saying such mean things is the only way she can get you to hate her and then get you to finally leave her.

She will not delete your number and might contact you again when in need of support or a shoulder to cry on.

You do not need to respond to anything she says henceforth,no matter how hurtful it is.When we try to explain to them that they are hurting us or try to hurt them back,they twist our words and throw them back in our face and play the victim always.Do not take the hurtful things she says personally,liken it to the profanity a 5 year old might utter if his favorite toy was snatched away from him.She has the emotional maturity of a 5 year old so brush it off.

Also,she might use anything bad you say to her now to lure you back later.She might say'You know you hurt me real bad when you said that.If you are feeling guilty about it and want to make it up to me meet me/take me back'.

Stay NC and do not cave no matter what.

Feel free to vent all you want here,we are all there for you.

Good luck,stay strong.

[heartandwhole]

Strikeforce,

I'm really sorry, that is so painful.     I can very much relate, to the shaking, the anxiety that something really bad is happening or about to.  I couldn't live on high alert like that anymore – giving my heart, only to be told that it wasn't wanted when I least expected it.

Your ex probably got scared.  When things get too good and too close, that's when the protective mechanisms kick in.  Remember, you may have become her trigger, which means whenever you get close enough to start feeling good, she will probably have to  push you away.  

Sadly, there's nothing we can do to make our partners whole.  No matter how things were before, we can't go back, hoping this time things will be different.  Nothing will be different unless we are.   

Someone has to break this cycle of pain.  Is it going to be you?  

[bauers220]

Strikeforce,

I'm really sorry, that is so painful.     I can very much relate, to the shaking, the anxiety that something really bad is happening or about to.  I couldn't live on high alert like that anymore – giving my heart, only to be told that it wasn't wanted when I least expected it.

Your ex probably got scared.  When things get too good and too close, that's when the protective mechanisms kick in.  Remember, you may have become her trigger, which means whenever you get close enough to start feeling good, she will probably have to  push you away.  

Sadly, there's nothing we can do to make our partners whole.  No matter how things were before, we can't go back, hoping this time things will be different.  Nothing will be different unless we are.   

Someone has to break this cycle of pain.  Is it going to be you?  

Something struck me here... .perhaps he may have become her trigger... .you know that makes sense... .And in turn she has become mine... .I always wait for the shoe to drop.  I got to the point where I noticed with or without her I was anxious - just different sides of the same coin.  I am here to say - I like the NC side best - at least I know what to expect from my life.  I have my power back... .when she is around I am pathetic - I give my power away - and for what?

[eeyore]

I got to the point where I noticed with or without her I was anxious - just different sides of the same coin. 

I am here to say - I like the NC side best - at least I know what to expect from my life.  I have my power back... .when she is around I am pathetic - I give my power away - and for what?

I'm not NC but I'm disengaged.  I'm myself, kind and respectful and that's all.  Oddly in our last conversation he said there were times he thought I was being abusive. I guess standing up for yourself after years of being a doormat must have surprised him.  But like you I feel like I have my power over myself back.  I don't live walking on eggshells anymore.  I'd rather be happy alone than in a relationship lonely.   

[AliveButBeatup]

Strikeforce, I know how you feel.

This is probably not the best advice. But I took a scorched earth policy when my exBPD guy broke up with me for the last time: I attacked back and assumed a BPD mentality. Yes, it's bad, but I "mirrored" his BS words to me. I finally spoke his language. I also attacked some of his weaknesses, the way he did to me during the r/s. Of course I did not mean it -- being mean and angry is not my style -- but I felt a small sense of power to for once railroad him instead of him railroading me.

Of course, this shut down any possibility of a future recycle and I'm sure he thinks I'm the devil.

My first reaction to your ex's text: Tell her you never loved her either, highlight one of her weaknesses, then immediately block her every which way (email, cell, social media) and stay away indefinitely.

Funny thing is I did something similar here very recently. I mirrored her behavior. I felt crappy about it, but it actually seems to have produced positive results.  She says she has deleted all of my text and e-mail messages and I am never to contact her again.  And I am confident I have been painted black in her circle of the world.  I am thinking she very well may be scouting for her next victim. She is still my wife, but as I told her in one of my fight back e-mails, I am hoping she finds someone else and that it would be excellent news when she does.

Oh --- we are getting divorced.

ABB