First contact after 7 weeks NC

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Very strange. I told her I needed NC a few days before she got officially married and she seemed to paint me black then. 7 weeks later and today I get an email that simply says "Hi." Not even a subject line. I felt my stomach drop when I saw it. Doesn't help that I'm going out of the country in a few days and am really stressed about that. I guess marriage wasn't the answer if she's got to engage me again. Part of me wants to respond. Not going to lie, I'd love to hear that her relationship was going to crap (validation) but it's probably not worth the risk of getting sucked back in. Can't believe I'm still somewhat addicted to this girl.

[me757]

Very strange. I told her I needed NC a few days before she got officially married and she seemed to paint me black then. 7 weeks later and today I get an email that simply says "Hi." Not even a subject line. I felt my stomach drop when I saw it. Doesn't help that I'm going out of the country in a few days and am really stressed about that. I guess marriage wasn't the answer if she's got to engage me again. Part of me wants to respond. Not going to lie, I'd love to hear that her relationship was going to crap (validation) but it's probably not worth the risk of getting sucked back in. Can't believe I'm still somewhat addicted to this girl.

[Octoberfest]

From an outside perspective (meaning I understand the BPD dynamic, but I am not intimately involved in your situation so as to know the details), she told you the answer to all of your questions already.  Just "Hi"? Given the history, if that isn't the most obvious attempt at phishing I don't know what is. I understand however that, when you are the one in the situation, oftentimes you need more definitive proof to believe that she isn't happily ever after.  It is hell... .if my BPDex reached out to me, even doing the same thing that yours did here to you, saying "hi", it would be INCREDIBLY hard for me to not respond... .and I blocked her number and have been NC for 2.5 months. Just because I would be curious to hear what she has to say.  I KNOW, have evidence, that she has been doing the EXACT same things with the new guys that she did with me... .All of the cheating and the lies.  But I would still be hard pressed to hold the silence.

I don't know that I really answered anything here, but know you aren't alone in feeling the struggle not to respond

[hopealways]

That's how they always phish - "hi" or "how are you". NEVER "Im so sorry for all I did, I want you back can we meet and talk" or even "can we talk".  So pathological they are. Just throwing their line out to their obsessed victim so he bites and they get another dose of ego boost.

[me757]

She emailed me again with a youtube link to a sad love song. Jeez this is so sudden. I thought that she had finally moved on after she got married. I figure it's either because he is away and she can't be alone or they got in a big fight. I don't envy that guy. 7 weeks married and she is already phishing for an ex that she previously cheated on him with. This after me telling her not to contact me anymore and subsequently being painted black. I think this shows that marriage so far has not gotten rid of the BPD or whatever her issues are. I'm obviously not totally over her and crave that idealization phase but luckily her being married blocks that chance.

[happylogist]

That's how they always phish - "hi" or "how are you". NEVER "Im so sorry for all I did, I want you back can we meet and talk" or even "can we talk".  So pathological they are. Just throwing their line out to their obsessed victim so he bites and they get another dose of ego boost.

Classic! And followed with a sad song that supposedly expresses precisely and accurately all feelings and thoughts! I find it really convenient, because it is up to a receiver to pick up the key line and put the emphasis. Also saves time for the one who sends it, and the most important - they are not really accountable for the words that are said by someone else, are they?  FB/email, "hi" and "how are you?" and a link to youtube - an essential BPD toolbox!

I think this shows that marriage so far has not gotten rid of the BPD or whatever her issues are.

Exactly! And she needs to deal with those problems and show you that she is more responsible in her thoughts and actions besides writing one-word phishing messages and links.

my advice - wait with replying a bit more... .7 weeks is a very short time for healing... .You seem to understand very well what is happening with her.  If she has more to say - she will write. But again think, feel... wait... and then act. Be strong!

[AliveButBeatup]

That's how they always phish - "hi" or "how are you". NEVER "Im so sorry for all I did, I want you back can we meet and talk" or even "can we talk".  So pathological they are. Just throwing their line out to their obsessed victim so he bites and they get another dose of ego boost.

I am in the beginning stages of a divorce. Some progress in that she told me she has deleted all of my e-mail and text messages. I looked through my stuff that was recently returned to me. My toothbrush and some dental floss were returned.   It appears she is truly trying to purge me from her life. Maybe not. She tells me never to e-mail her again.  Two days later she send a phishing e-mail. It is a forward of an upcoming meeting related to what I do in my business. I didn't respond. I suspect there will be more to follow.

ABB

[Learning_curve74]

7 weeks married and she is already phishing for an ex that she previously cheated on him with. This after me telling her not to contact me anymore and subsequently being painted black. I think this shows that marriage so far has not gotten rid of the BPD or whatever her issues are.

This is real life, not a movie or fairy tale where true love conquers all. She is mentally ill and wishing away her illness isn't even believable enough to work in a fairy tale.

You choose to go NC. What was your rationale behind it and your ultimate goals?

[me757]

My goal was to get over her. I've made a lot of progress since I went total NC in July. She kept calling and texting so I broke it in August to tell her to please leave me alone and then she got married a few days later. There was 7 weeks NC until yesterday with those odd emails. I can tell how much I've recovered in these last 3 months and now I'm definitely looking at her less as an ex and more as a person who just really needs help. It must mean the anger from everything she has done is finally starting to wither away. It also helps that she showed me that she still has her issues and it wasn't just our relationship. Maybe that's selfish thinking but it does validate me more.