She's Playing Teen Mom

[Turkish]

I am trying to get her to leave my house, but with two little kids between us, it complicates things and I must be careful to a certain extent, or here come the lawyers... .After we put the kids to bed, she asked me if she could "go out." I looked at her, thinking (it's Thursday night and you have to go to work tomorrow?), but said, "I guess it doesn't matter, does it?" She was very nice. I got up at 4AM, and she still wasn't home, probably got home around 4:30.

This morning, I got up and got the kids ready. We usually share that, but most of the time I do it all (she would argue about this, but no matter). She did play with them for about 10 minutes, snapping pictures of them, while I was loading stuff into the car. Later, I saw her post pics on FB with the caption "Life is good!" I felt like responding, "yeah, especially when you can stay out and party doing who knows what with whom while your children's father stays home and takes care of your children," but of course, that would be non-productive. Let those who know and understand, see, and let those who don't, remain in their ignorance.

I guess I'm enabling this, but I am sick of living with a teenager for a roommate (who I am not even charging rent!). We have each things to do this weekend (me, with the kids, her off at some religious class that isn't kid-friendly), but Sunday night I am going to start pushing her, because she is waiting for some Section 8 thing so she can move someplace nicer than she could normally afford. Time to grow up and take some responsibility because now she's flat-out taking advantage of my kindness and patience. I suppose next time I will say "no, you need to stay home with your children. Doesn't matter if they are asleep or not. Stop living a double life."

[GreenMango]

I agree this will go on as long as you allow it.  If you make it real nice and comfy she may see what a sweet deal she has and never leave.  Scary huh?

After we put the kids to bed, she asked me if she could "go out." I looked at her, thinking (it's Thursday night and you have to go to work tomorrow?), but said, "I guess it doesn't matter, does it?" She was very nice.

This part here is where she was looking for permission.  Not sharing sharing your thoughts was like a green light.  It may help with the resentment and passive aggressiveness to start communicating like you mentioned.  It doesn't mean she'll reign it in but it could give you some peace of mind.

Are you worried if you do that she'll file for divorce first? 


I guess I'm wondering are you set on divorce/separation?  

I'm asking because if you aren't then there's going to be a better way to handle this.  If you are set then getting those ducks in a tow and not dragging this out unnecessarily is going to help you and the kids move on with your life.

[AliveButBeatup]

I am trying to get her to leave my house, but with two little kids between us, it complicates things and I must be careful to a certain extent, or here come the lawyers... .After we put the kids to bed, she asked me if she could "go out." I looked at her, thinking (it's Thursday night and you have to go to work tomorrow?), but said, "I guess it doesn't matter, does it?" She was very nice. I got up at 4AM, and she still wasn't home, probably got home around 4:30.

This morning, I got up and got the kids ready. We usually share that, but most of the time I do it all (she would argue about this, but no matter). She did play with them for about 10 minutes, snapping pictures of them, while I was loading stuff into the car. Later, I saw her post pics on FB with the caption "Life is good!" I felt like responding, "yeah, especially when you can stay out and party doing who knows what with whom while your children's father stays home and takes care of your children," but of course, that would be non-productive. Let those who know and understand, see, and let those who don't, remain in their ignorance.

I guess I'm enabling this, but I am sick of living with a teenager for a roommate (who I am not even charging rent!). We have each things to do this weekend (me, with the kids, her off at some religious class that isn't kid-friendly), but Sunday night I am going to start pushing her, because she is waiting for some Section 8 thing so she can move someplace nicer than she could normally afford. Time to grow up and take some responsibility because now she's flat-out taking advantage of my kindness and patience. I suppose next time I will say "no, you need to stay home with your children. Doesn't matter if they are asleep or not. Stop living a double life."

Wow --- this sounds so, so familiar. A religious class while displaying behavior which is anything but... .  My Christian wife on one of our break ups was up on a dating site faster than one can say psycho.  On one of her e-mails she said she is not my fool. She got that right. She is her own fool.  This week is an attack on the intangibles. I am spiritually bankrupt. I am not redeemable. No money will buy me out of hell.  Nope sweetie. I leave you and I will be out of hell. Pretty straight forward. We are getting a divorce. My days are my own once again. No more working on my project aka wife. No more days of self-inflicted insanity.

I wish you the best in your situation. Think things through carefully due to the children.

ABB

[Turkish]

I agree this will go on as long as you allow it.  If you make it real nice and comfy she may see what a sweet deal she has and never leave.  Scary huh?

After we put the kids to bed, she asked me if she could "go out." I looked at her, thinking (it's Thursday night and you have to go to work tomorrow?), but said, "I guess it doesn't matter, does it?" She was very nice.

This part here is where she was looking for permission.  Not sharing sharing your thoughts was like a green light.  It may help with the resentment and passive aggressiveness to start communicating like you mentioned.  It doesn't mean she'll reign it in but it could give you some peace of mind.

Are you worried if you do that she'll file for divorce first? 

No divorce, since we weren't married (which makes me thankful due to the horror stories I've read here!

[Turkish]

I guess I'm enabling this, but I am sick of living with a teenager for a roommate (who I am not even charging rent!). We have each things to do this weekend (me, with the kids, her off at some religious class that isn't kid-friendly), but Sunday night I am going to start pushing her, because she is waiting for some Section 8 thing so she can move someplace nicer than she could normally afford. Time to grow up and take some responsibility because now she's flat-out taking advantage of my kindness and patience. I suppose next time I will say "no, you need to stay home with your children. Doesn't matter if they are asleep or not. Stop living a double life."

Wow --- this sounds so, so familiar. A religious class while displaying behavior which is anything but... .  My Christian wife on one of our break ups was up on a dating site faster than one can say psycho.  On one of her e-mails she said she is not my fool. She got that right. She is her own fool.  This week is an attack on the intangibles. I am spiritually bankrupt. I am not redeemable. No money will buy me out of hell.  Nope sweetie. I leave you and I will be out of hell. Pretty straight forward. We are getting a divorce. My days are my own once again. No more working on my project aka wife. No more days of self-inflicted insanity.

I wish you the best in your situation. Think things through carefully due to the children.

She's enamored of Buddhism right not, even though she knows the karma thing will come down hard on her (she's said this). A guy at my Bible study/Men's Fellowship said if I could get her to come, he'd have his wife talk to her... .turns our his son and daughter in law went through something very similar 20 years ago... .after a few kids she decided she didn't want to play wifey and mommie anymore. It took his DIL 20 years of running (men, drugs, etc... .) to finally come to peace. She was actually open to it, but then started talking about the meditation class. Good, in my mind, for the kids. The church is very kid-centric, but hers is not.

I am definitely thinking of the children.