this is the part where i mees things up

[Depression = 72% of members]

during the six months ive been apart from my ex BPD g/f we have talked about, starting over many times. most times it leads to her telling me she needs a few days to think and clear her head. thats when i would get upset thinking this was a game to her and block her change my number, all the kind of things you would do if you didnt want to be with someone again.

well im kind of at that point again. last month i refused contact from her for 28 days. when i made contact two weeks ago i told what my boundraies are, she seeming to be willing to respect them.

she let me know she wants to come back and feels the same about starting over but may not be able to as shes not sure she can control herself.

ive not talked to her in nine hours or so and i can feel my old habits wanting to take over, i feel like txt or emailing her that i want answers foolish i know ive made that mistake.

just trying to not vent right now and not take a old run down road again

[simplyasiam]

during the six months ive been apart from my ex BPD g/f we have talked about, starting over many times. most times it leads to her telling me she needs a few days to think and clear her head. thats when i would get upset thinking this was a game to her and block her change my number, all the kind of things you would do if you didnt want to be with someone again.

well im kind of at that point again. last month i refused contact from her for 28 days. when i made contact two weeks ago i told what my boundraies are, she seeming to be willing to respect them.

she let me know she wants to come back and feels the same about starting over but may not be able to as shes not sure she can control herself.

ive not talked to her in nine hours or so and i can feel my old habits wanting to take over, i feel like txt or emailing her that i want answers foolish i know ive made that mistake.

just trying to not vent right now and not take a old run down road again

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

Seems like you might have your work cut out working out what you want and centering yourself. Getting involved with a pwBPD while you are doing a fair amount of push/ pull yourself is likely to be a reciepe for disaster

[simplyasiam]

very true and that part of the reason i refused contact with her... .so i could clear my head and now that im seeing thing more clearly i can see the mistakes ive made and i working on fixing them

if only we would had a name for this some years ago

[waverider]

Even once you know what it is, it takes quite a while to change your own personality enough to cope with it.

[simplyasiam]

very true and admiting you have to change is half the battle

[Grey Kitty]

I agree that noticing/understanding your own patterns that you wish to change is a huge step.

... .i told what my boundraies are, she seeming to be willing to respect them.

I'm a big fan of boundaries... .but not the ones the other party has a choice whether to respect or not. Because when they are dysregulated, they will choose differently.

I don't know what boundaries you are speaking of. If they aren't like this already, can you set them up so that you take a clear and simple action to protect yourself if she crosses them?

[simplyasiam]

i quess trems for u having contact would be better way to say it.

she not be married or pregnant must be wanting to rebuild our family and be willing to get help and sstick with it.

she told she wanted thosse thing and was not married or pregnant.

we talked for a week now, last nite in the nicest way i could put i told her its time we make up our minds as to what we are going to do.

i told her she didnt have to answer me then i wanted her to think it over. i dont know when or if she will answer me but i know its not good for the two us to go on like this.