I don´t feel alright some days about our sex life...

[LostInWonderland]

I am not familiar with the acronyms yet, but my fiance (BPD) had a meltdown tonight because I didn't want to have sex. See, he just says stuff like "Lets have sex" and such too. Or "can I have a HJ/Bj?" And it just turns me off. Then he goes ballistic. I told him he just needs to seduce me more often and maybe our sex life would be more active and pleasant. But, it is always the same. Lack of intimacy, excessive "let's do it." Ugh.

[lemon flower]

the first couple of times I had sex with my BPDboyfriend it felt like he was performing an act and it was obviously very important for him that I would be "impressed", I knew immediately he wasn't really interacting to my needs, but then again, it was kind of cute and I thought it came out of nervousness towards me.

since then I experienced different faces of the lover he can be, actually I must say he can be really mindblowing and caring, and sometimes even emotional (when he's drunk) but it's never (nor will it be ever) really fulfilling for me because he can't capture the level of intimacy that I long for in a steady , longlasting relationship, and I can tell it is one of the reasons why I stopped our relationship.

but still I do miss him, and I miss the sex, and most of all I miss him lying next to me, ironically , he's a super sexy and attractive man, and everytime I meet him, I struggle with myself because I'd love to touch him... .

[hergestridge]

As a man I love to be able to seduce sometimes. But the only thing that works with my BPDw is "let's ___". And that only works if she's in the mood (a few select days per month).

She holds fantasies about romantic weekends, erotic massage etc, but when push comes to shove she finds gentle touching or caressing to be mostly irritating or frustrating. Bed is one of those places where it becomes apparent she's not wired like normal people.

[an0ught]

Good discussion of a not so simple topic. For those who have not seen it here is a link to a related workshop:

SELF-AWARE: When is good sex a bad thing?