I guess what gets to me at a time like this is the fact that I'd really like to talk to him about the things he said that hurt, but I know I never can. He isn't emotionally mature enough to have that discussion. If I tell him how his words hurt me, it'll send him in a downward spiral because he is so stunningly sensitive to criticism. He'll hate himself to the point where his hurt is far worse than my hurt. And why would I do that to him? So I just sit on my emotions in situations like these, knowing that's the only option I have.
I think you are making some assumptions which may not necessarily be true. You use a lot of absolute words such as:
never, far worse, only option. If you get used to talking about your situation in that way, you will begin to believe that you really don't have options, which is not true.
It's important to find a way to talk about the things that hurt you. I too have a tendency to not bring things up because I don't want to hurt my better half, but they usually just simmer until they reach the boiling point and I end up saying something to her that is even more hurtful.
Plus, you can't let his overreacting be the bellwether of whether or not you deal with things in a healthy fashion.
There surely will be a price to pay for raising the issue. But, there is likely a way you can raise it in a kind manner which will make him be more conscious of his behavior in the future. It becomes easier during the heated moments to say: "it hurts when you say that" if you have discussed it during the quieter moments.
