Borderlines are addicted to drama

[Reg]

Hi

Just a theorem.

Borderlines are addicted to drama, because drama = attention.  Would love to hear your opinion on the matter.

I've experienced this personally over and over again, from my ex partner and from someone else with borderline in my street.  Are your experiences the same ?

Reg

[Escaped 30.Sept.2013]

Hi

Just a theorem.

Borderlines are addicted to drama, because drama = attention. 

And, according to my therapist, there's a confusion between "attention" and "affection". Being yelled at is better than being invisble and ignored and dismissed as worthless.

One of the toxic results of 15 months with my ex-bf is that it 'trained' me to confuse the two badly as well, so I still have to fight hard in order to keep my email-checking down to only a dozen times a day, instead of having sound-alerts to tell me as soon as one comes in, etc.

(I blocked him on FB so he can't send messages there; and my mobile phone is set to silent so I have no alert to tell me there either).

It does feel at present like lack of contact from him means he hates me - despite my having spent all of September working up to proper No Contact, so I don't actually want him to keep contacting me. But all the same, not having any messages, texts, calls and emails from him feels a lot like rejection, that I wasn't good enough, that he doesn't care, etc., etc. because of all the 'training' during the 15 months, on top of my now-exposed childhood abandonment issues... .

But yeah - attention/affection. Big confusion. Craving affection, they'll do anything to provoke what passed for affection in their childhood, even if that's being screamed and yelled at.

[HarmKrakow]

Hi

Just a theorem.

Borderlines are addicted to drama, because drama = attention.  Would love to hear your opinion on the matter.

I've experienced this personally over and over again, from my ex partner and from someone else with borderline in my street.  Are your experiences the same ?

Reg

I wouldn't perse say that BPDers are addicted to drama. In essence a borderliner does want a stable relationship. They do, like all of us. It's purely their inability to maintain a healthy adult relationship with a emotional balance which creates the 214123 million symptons in a relationship where then the 'drama' will be created. And this goes from worse, to worse, to even worse ...

And at that point, the harder the shouting, the more the BPDer feels 'better'. So then the shouting contest starts until the bubble burst and then we start all over again.

But imho it goes to far to say that they are addicted to drama.

[happylogist]

Reg,

the real drama addicts are HPDs, but many BPD women (I think queen types) have also strong HPD traits, so yes - then your observation is true.

In other cases - drama is a side-effect of their erratic behavior, no impulse control, self-loathing with the  desire to be accepted. They don't like or want it per se, but have it all the time.

[Hazelrah]

Another way to look at it is that many pwBPD simply can't avoid drama, whether it's something they purposefully seek out or simply create with their poor decision-making, incomplete emotional development, depression, anxiety, etc.  Their lack of identity and inner turmoil often leads them to make rash, impulsive decisions, which can often temporarily relieve their pain, but will then potentially lead to a brand new series of issues that they and their loved ones are forced to deal with.   

I have never met someone as dramatic as my estranged BPDw... .there was no one in her life with which she did not experience some sort of intense turmoil.  Family, friends, co-workers, lovers (including her recycled bf)... .none of us were ever far away from some sort of real or imagined conflict with her. 

[Lucky Jim]

Craving affection, they'll do anything to provoke what passed for affection in their childhood, even if that's being screamed and yelled at.

Well put, Escaped.

there was no one in her life with which she did not experience some sort of intense turmoil.  Family, friends, co-workers, lovers (including her recycled bf)... .none of us were ever far away from some sort of real or imagined conflict with her.

Agree with you, Hazelrah.

In my experience, pwBPD abhor the absence of drama and will do anything to fill the vacuum.

I liken this experience to a BPD storm cloud appearing out of a clear blue sky.  I would be having a wonderful day with my spouse and children, when suddenly something would trigger her emotions and it would all turn sour in a matter of seconds.  Usually I never saw it coming.

Lucky Jim

[Learning_curve74]

I think they are in general addicted to drama as the tumultuous feelings are preferable to the numb emptiness they might otherwise feel. My exBPDgf once told me it was better to feel pain than to feel nothing. 

[Learning_curve74]

In my experience, pwBPD abhor the absence of drama and will do anything to fill the vacuum.

I liken this experience to a BPD storm cloud appearing out of a clear blue sky.  I would be having a wonderful day with my spouse and children, when suddenly something would trigger her emotions and it would all turn sour in a matter of seconds.  Usually I never saw it coming.

A common experience that many here can probably identify with!

It also illustrates the point that a pwBPD doesn't think and feel like we do at all; while we think we are having a pleasantly good time, in their heads their experience is something TOTALLY different! So when their perception of life is so alien to ours, it's no wonder their actions are also alien to us as well.

[HarmKrakow]

I think they are in general addicted to drama as the tumultuous feelings are preferable to the numb emptiness they might otherwise feel. My exBPDgf once told me it was better to feel pain than to feel nothing. 

Well, if it purely comes to that question, I also agree that I rather feel pain than nothing at all. The feeling of pain at least gives me the feeling of pain. Nothing is just nothing.

It relates to the question of being alone forever, or being in a relationship you don't completely like.

In my experience, pwBPD abhor the absence of drama and will do anything to fill the vacuum.

I liken this experience to a BPD storm cloud appearing out of a clear blue sky.  I would be having a wonderful day with my spouse and children, when suddenly something would trigger her emotions and it would all turn sour in a matter of seconds.  Usually I never saw it coming.

A common experience that many here can probably identify with!

It also illustrates the point that a pwBPD doesn't think and feel like we do at all; while we think we are having a pleasantly good time, in their heads their experience is something TOTALLY different! So when their perception of life is so alien to ours, it's no wonder their actions are also alien to us as well.

Acting upon a trigger which another person can not understand or at least not understand at that point is not BPD only. I wasn't like that, but I got PTSD out of my BPD relationship due to the mental abuse and now I also 'all out of a sudden' sometimes flunk crazy.

Same goes for people who are depressed where a wonder full day can get ___ed over due to a crappy trigger which reminds them of something nasty : (

[mitchell16]

mine seemed hooked on drama. She was always inthe middle of someones and her own. She would be in the middle of her friends drama when it didnt have anything to do with her. Funny when their (friends) life was quite she would stir up something with ours. If ours was going good, she created something to make it bad. Maybe not addicted to drama but she cant live without it.

once at her job and guy she knew but wasnt friends with him or his girlfriend she just knew them. He was trying to mess around with another girl behind his girls back. My exBPDgf called up his girlfirend and told her all about. I was shocked when she told me she did this. I didnt agree with his actions but it was none of my business or my BPD busienss. he wasnt a close friend or either was his girlfirend. But of course she was in the middle of it all, where she loved to be.