A FB friend request.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Okay, I know No Contact means blocking her, but I didn't. After being told off in possibly one of my darkest and vulnerable times and told never to contact her again. She sends me a friend request, no message. I believe the term here is "Phishing." Anyway, so I of course I accepted it. It seems like every day of the week she is out partying and now she is hanging out with the scumbag next door neighbor. I can only make assumptions as to why she sent me this, but my first instinct is to say "hey, look at my life, I'm happy without you." She has really not sent me messages at all in the month since we have been broken up. I want to think the worst here. Any thoughts?

[Afool]

Okay, I know No Contact means blocking her, but I didn't. After being told off in possibly one of my darkest and vulnerable times and told never to contact her again. She sends me a friend request, no message. I believe the term here is "Phishing." Anyway, so I of course I accepted it. It seems like every day of the week she is out partying and now she is hanging out with the scumbag next door neighbor. I can only make assumptions as to why she sent me this, but my first instinct is to say "hey, look at my life, I'm happy without you." She has really not sent me messages at all in the month since we have been broken up. I want to think the worst here. Any thoughts?

[Clearmind]

Afool, we need to take some responsiblity here. She can send a FB friend request to anyone she wishes and for whatever reason she can come up with. Its us that needs to exercise a boundary to say "No" and not accept.

Why did you accept?

What were hoping to gain?

How does this help you in your healing?

Does this say more about you than her?

[Ironmanrises]

She wants to hurt you... .

Ultimately.

A pwBPD... .

Does not properly detach... .

From the non... .

Her friend request... .

Is a way for her... .

To stay connected to you.

But that connection... .

Will hurt you.

You will see things... .

That she will display... .

To hurt you.

NC is to help you have that wall... .

That you can stay behind... .

To heal.

It is your barrier... .

From her.

Hang in there.

[Afool]

I don't know why I accepted it. I honestly thought about it for 8 hours, but it was just too hard not to. I still really care about her and the Bad devil on my right shoulder is telling me to keep up the destructive behavior, I guess. It's easy to tell myself I'm done, but I feel like I'm addicted to her. I was good for 16 days, expecting her to never contact me, but in my heart knowing that I have a lot of trouble resisting her contact.

[Clearmind]

Its an addiction. We want to stay connected to see for ourselves that they will repeat patterns - the same ones they developed with us. Once we see that they have repeated the pattern we can let ourselves off the hook for being the ones to blame.

Self blame is debilitating. Trust that what she did was not your fault. Let her go on her merry way to repeat patterns and try to take small steps to severing the ties you have to her. This needs to be done consciously Afool - if we act on impulse and emotionally we will forever stay connected.

We want to be there when they fall! Being a white knight is exhausting and being a rescuer or care taker for a sick person is selfless. Be selfish and take care of you and your needs.

[Afool]

Ironman, you were so right. And it only took a few hours for her to go buckwild all over my Wall. She never deleted my number, woke up to messages. This time, I was able to tell myself, this is my fault. I knew what was coming. I definitely wasn't surprised. In the end, I laughed. It was a cruel laugh. I laughed at her pain. Doesn't feel good to say that, but it at least it is honest.

[Turkish]

I don't know why I accepted it. I honestly thought about it for 8 hours, but it was just too hard not to. I still really care about her and the Bad devil on my right shoulder is telling me to keep up the destructive behavior, I guess. It's easy to tell myself I'm done, but I feel like I'm addicted to her. I was good for 16 days, expecting her to never contact me, but in my heart knowing that I have a lot of trouble resisting her contact.

unFriend. Now.

I expect to go through what you are going through soon :^(

I hope I have the strength... .

[DownandOut]

I have blocked my ex on social media because she was using it to rub my nose in her new rebound relationship that she started 2 days after we b/u and I honestly couldn't take it - I wanted to say something snide so bad but didn't give her the satisfaction. However, I can't seem to muster the courage to block her family and friends. I really did love her family and most of her friends and that's part of the loss I'm feeling. Anyone else feel this way?

[Waifed]

It's funny because my ex Waif doesn't do these things. She is very private about her personal life and always has been.

She was careful to compartmentalize her entire life. I believe it makes it easier to move on when things fall apart. It is almost like she is resigned to the fact that every relationship is doomed for failure. That being said, I would never accept any type of an invite from her.

[blissful_camper]

Ironman is right.  She will use her wall as a vehicle to hurt you. 

Mine did. Even during our relationship my ex used his posts on his wall to hurt me. 

When it ended, I blocked him, his friends, family, and anyone that associates with him.  I thought of it like this:  would I allow my ex or anyone in his life into my home?  No. 

Block so that you have the privacy and space to heal. 

[goldylamont]

... .but my first instinct is to say "hey, look at my life, I'm happy without you." She has really not sent me messages at all in the month since we have been broken up. I want to think the worst here. Any thoughts?

always trust your first instinct when dealing with this person. you are correct to assume the worst. we can never know what they are thinking or feeling, but we sure as hell know what they have or will do. she's trying to further punish you and feed her own ego. i de-friended my ex (so happy i initiated this!), but didn't block her. 6 months later with NC, she starts contacting me... .when i didn't respond so much she ends up blocking me (for no good reason). i'm like, good riddens. well, a couple weeks after blocking me and never seeing anything of hers, all the sudden suggestive pictures she's taking with friend of mine pop up--the **only** way i would see these pics is if she removed the block specifically on those pics. it's petty and stupid, and that's why all the guys call her names 

facebook fraud should be added to the DSM list of criteria, right!