Virtual Family Sites?

[Exasperated]

Are anyone of you who has BPD parents aware of any sites for finding parent figures or virtual families? I was on Creating Extended Families, but it was very expensive and not widely used

[GeekyGirl]

Interesting--I've never heard of any, but it's a good concept. What other ways have you tried to find parental figures or role models?

[zone out]

Exasperated

I have never come across this idea before.  But I have found myself forming friendships with a number of older ladies over the years.  I was hardly aware of it at the time, but certainly I think some have fulfilled the need for a role model.  It is the sort of thing that needs to occur naturally, like a natural friendship but it can be mutually supportive so long as neither party has unrealistic expectations of the friendship.

[Exasperated]

You're really lucky it happened for you that way. Not everyone is as fortune, but I glad it worked out for you. I try not to judge how people look for ways to connect with others. If it's not happening for someone in traditional ways I would encourage them to keep trying however possible. For example, myself and many other have tried online dating with mixed results just as when you meet potential people to date by happenstance.

As technology evolves there will be lots of new and interesting ways people connect. I think the concept of Creating Extending Families is great is hopefully the site will grow and similar ideas will pop up. I'd encourage  people that are interested to check it out so it will grow! 

[GeekyGirl]

It's funny... .I look at family differently now than I did years ago. There's my family of origin (FOO), and yes, they're family, but there are people that have become family. A good friend of mine is openly gay and his parents have never accepted that. He has built himself a network of good friends that have essentially become his family. It takes work, but it is possible.

As technology evolves there will be lots of new and interesting ways people connect.

I agree... .it's connected all of us, right? 

[Suzn]

Wanted to add my welcome Exasperated.  

Are anyone of you who has BPD parents aware of any sites for finding parent figures or virtual families? I was on Creating Extended Families, but it was very expensive and not widely used

We have a virtual family here, it's free and since we are a world wide site there is always someone here to talk for support.

Welcome to our family Exasperated.  

I have never come across this idea before.  But I have found myself forming friendships with a number of older ladies over the years.  I was hardly aware of it at the time, but certainly I think some have fulfilled the need for a role model.  It is the sort of thing that needs to occur naturally, like a natural friendship but it can be mutually supportive so long as neither party has unrealistic expectations of the friendship.

This is an excellent point. As we learn communication skills and about identifying our boundaries here we can extend this to the "real world" and build relationships (friends or otherwise) so that we can develop an important overall healthy sense of belonging. The virtual world is a great place to practice these skills, the goal is to branch out to the world we interact in daily. Practicing these skills with friends ultimately improves these skills with family.

[HarmKrakow]

Wanted to add my welcome Exasperated.  

Are anyone of you who has BPD parents aware of any sites for finding parent figures or virtual families? I was on Creating Extended Families, but it was very expensive and not widely used

We have a virtual family here, it's free and since we are a world wide site there is always someone here to talk for support.

Welcome to our family Exasperated.  

I have never come across this idea before.  But I have found myself forming friendships with a number of older ladies over the years.  I was hardly aware of it at the time, but certainly I think some have fulfilled the need for a role model.  It is the sort of thing that needs to occur naturally, like a natural friendship but it can be mutually supportive so long as neither party has unrealistic expectations of the friendship.

This is an excellent point. As we learn communication skills and about identifying our boundaries here we can extend this to the "real world" and build relationships (friends or otherwise) so that we can develop an important overall healthy sense of belonging. The virtual world is a great place to practice these skills, the goal is to branch out to the world we interact in daily. Practicing these skills with friends ultimately improves these skills with family.

I second this I've had some very nice inter personal contact with a few here even outside the board!

[still_flying]

I do not know of any resources like this, although honestly I have had more success having these kinds of things grow organically with people in my geographic community. I have the benefit of being at a stage in my life where everyone is experimenting with forming new meaningful social attachments, though.

I personally would not choose to use this site for building healthy family-style relationships. My gut tells me that being as open as I need to be on here would not be doable if I were to try and make social connections. So I use the same guidelines that I've had in every therapy group I've been in: Be truly kind and helpful to eachother, but don't take the relationship outside of the therapeutic context, because that can muddle things up.

/my $0.02