Cut out of her life... no warning

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

After a close intimate friendship of five and a half years with my dBPD friend ,  and attachment to her 4 yr old who likes me and for whom I have been there all his life, she suddenly and without warning simply asked me to stop contacting her.  She would not give any explanation and her response to my sending her a txt asking her why she was doing this, was 'leave me alone'.

This has been devastating , I've never experienced anything like this from anyone else in my lifetime.   Prior to this  we had been getting along as well as anyone can with a BPD in their life, we had been away on a nice holiday earlier in the year.  A few days before she did this, we spent a nice day together, went to a movie , she told me about some other things that were worrying her, her work were trying to fire her and she was being harrassed by another guy.  She was relaxed and pleasant to me , although little distant and not happy but not due to anything I had done.

Has anyone been cut out of their BPD's life without warning for apparantly no reason ?  Is so for how long ?

In my experience, if she is unhappy with me for any reason , she normally leaves me in no doubt! In fact she enjoys telling me I'm sure , I've been shouted and screamed at and called all sorts of obscene names for the smallest of reasons, so this is so out of character, we parted quietly on good terms.

I have not messaged her for two months, and have heard nothing from her. I just wish I could know why she has done this. It has been 3 months now.

All so heartbreaking.   

[tryingtohelp]

After a close intimate friendship of five and a half years with my dBPD friend ,  and attachment to her 4 yr old who likes me and for whom I have been there all his life, she suddenly and without warning simply asked me to stop contacting her.  She would not give any explanation and her response to my sending her a txt asking her why she was doing this, was 'leave me alone'.

This has been devastating , I've never experienced anything like this from anyone else in my lifetime.   Prior to this  we had been getting along as well as anyone can with a BPD in their life, we had been away on a nice holiday earlier in the year.  A few days before she did this, we spent a nice day together, went to a movie , she told me about some other things that were worrying her, her work were trying to fire her and she was being harrassed by another guy.  She was relaxed and pleasant to me , although little distant and not happy but not due to anything I had done.

Has anyone been cut out of their BPD's life without warning for apparantly no reason ?  Is so for how long ?

In my experience, if she is unhappy with me for any reason , she normally leaves me in no doubt! In fact she enjoys telling me I'm sure , I've been shouted and screamed at and called all sorts of obscene names for the smallest of reasons, so this is so out of character, we parted quietly on good terms.

I have not messaged her for two months, and have heard nothing from her. I just wish I could know why she has done this. It has been 3 months now.

All so heartbreaking.   

[momtara]

This is rough (although typical BPD) and I am sorry.  I hate when someone doesn't get an explanation.  Some would say never to contact her, but closure (or at least a good talk) is important too.  My guess is that she will contact you again someday.  I find it helpful to revise an email or letter to the person over and over.  You can ultimately send it, or not, but at least you are working on something.

[Ironmanrises]

Trying... .

I am so sorry you experienced that.

I know how much that hurts.

To answer your question... .

Just read the accounts... .

On here.

The answer will scare you... .

Unfortunately.

We all have... .

In one form... .

Or another.

The why... .

She has a disorder... .

Called BPD.

Hell on earth.

She will/may return.

And if she does... .

She will... .

Cut you out again.

That is BPD.

Hell on earth.

Hang in there.

[tryingtohelp]

Thank you momtara,  the lack of closure is the nightmare and your suggestion of writing down some form of communication is a good one ... .I had been thinking of doing this but wasn't sure whether it was a good idea or not.   I have heard that BPDs often 're-connect' , I would just have liked to let her know I still love her and care about her as a human being but have not the courage to send any message at the moment , I don't want to be accused of stalking or harrassing her. 

[snappafcw]

This is the bit that sucks most of all. Coming to terms that I was easily discarded and that I never made a dent in her heart afterall.

However all these months on I still love her. I only want her to be happy and find peace.

I just don't think I deserved any of this not one bit and neither did any of you

[momtara]

Well, that's the thing - writing the letter will at least let you feel like you said what you wanted to say.  But if she doesn't respond, you will keep wondering if she got it.  And there's the risk of her calling you a stalker.  So I think it is a good idea to write it, revise it, and give yourself a time deadline for sending it - maybe wait a month to see if she contacts you.  At least it's clear you have a lot of love to give, for the right person, whoever that is (her or someone else).