Do they adopt the personality of new guy?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My ex uBPD gf said after we broke up for the 18th and I hope final time that she has to find a new life now. She said she feels empty and I was her moral compass. She said she doesn't know how to live. She said she needs to be in a relationship with anyone now. Claims that feeling alone is too overwhelming and that anyone will do. I told her that its not fair to the guy that may fall in love with her. She said she doesn't care about him and she wants me to break her and her future guy up no matter how far in the future that may be. When I said I would never do that she raged on me and said I was throwing her away.

Has anyone ever met up with their ex and noticed that they are totally different and have adopted an all new personality? How long does it take for them to morph?

[nyfit1]

My ex uBPD gf said after we broke up for the 18th and I hope final time that she has to find a new life now. She said she feels empty and I was her moral compass. She said she doesn't know how to live. She said she needs to be in a relationship with anyone now. Claims that feeling alone is too overwhelming and that anyone will do. I told her that its not fair to the guy that may fall in love with her. She said she doesn't care about him and she wants me to break her and her future guy up no matter how far in the future that may be. When I said I would never do that she raged on me and said I was throwing her away.

Has anyone ever met up with their ex and noticed that they are totally different and have adopted an all new personality? How long does it take for them to morph?

[blissful_camper]

Well, my ex adopted certain character traits that I have when we were in a relationship.  It was really just a mimic on his part.  After I left the relationship, and I spoke with him, it seemed he had 'reverted' to his own unrefined personality.  I really began to notice this about a month after the relationship ended.  I can't say how he's behaving now, as I'm not in contact with him.  I imagine if he's in a new relationship he has adopted her character traits, for better or worse!  Eek! 

[peterparker]

I haven't met up with mine yet, but I can see she's engaging in activities that she refused to do with me, which points to something very odd.

I think what you're talking about is mirroring. Because a pwBPD has such unstable or non-existent sense of self, they attach very quickly to the next person who will validate their worth, because they can't self soothe. They can't attach as quickly as they need to by being themselves (since the self isn't as concrete as it is with a non) but by becoming everything the next person wants them to be. Sex is usually a fast way to gain false intimacy, and securing a new person by idealizing them and becoming their 'perfect match' secures them in place.

I've heard some take on accents, clothing styles, and other things - for mine it was just interests.

In our honeymoon phase, she said everything that what I was wanting in a relationship. Long walks, reading together, going to thrift shops, chatting in bars, building a community of friends together.

I spoke to my ex a couple of weeks ago, and she said something weird about the new guy.

"When I hung out with him the first few times, we totally weren't compatible" They've been together for 4 months now and she's done many many things with him that I invited her to do that she called 'stupid' and 'boring'.

He is very different than me, and yet I can sort of see herself moulding into what he wants her to be.

I don't think it matters who they're with. If they can potentially feel less empty inside, they'll change themselves however they can to maintain that feeling.

[thisyoungdad]

I don't really recall about character traits but I do recall especially early on that she would buy new clothes or whatever to be more like me in style. The funny part was I didn't care, I liked her for who I thought she was. There were a lot of things like that which I suppose are character traits maybe. In the later part of the 5 years I don't recall seeing that much but a lot in the start... .or that is when I noticed it more. It is really so sad.

Sometimes when I think of her I think of a scene from the movie Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere in it. She had just broke up with another guy and comes to the realization she doesn't know how she likes her eggs cooked. With one guy she liked them scrambled, with another over easy etc... .and that realization for her. Unfortunately for the pwBPD in our lives they don't go on like her character did, to find what they really liked (or who they really are) because they aren't able to. For me though I think of that scene a lot when I think of her, but the ending is much sadder to me.

[peterparker]

Unfortunately for the pwBPD in our lives they don't go on like her character did, to find what they really liked (or who they really are) because they aren't able to.

This so true. After my relationship ended, I started to reconnect with who I was before I met my ex. I feel like healthy people can be alone, even if it does hurt for a while. We are able to face our demons, do the hard work it takes to look at ourselves and try and understand what happened and relearn our hobbies, our preferences and what makes us us.

The people who left us behind aren't able to do this work, because as I've seen it said in other posts, to look inward would be too painful.

[Ironmanrises]

Unfortunately for the pwBPD in our lives they don't go on like her character did, to find what they really liked (or who they really are) because they aren't able to.

This so true. After my relationship ended, I started to reconnect with who I was before I met my ex. I feel like healthy people can be alone, even if it does hurt for a while. We are able to face our demons, do the hard work it takes to look at ourselves and try and understand what happened and relearn our hobbies, our preferences and what makes us us.

The people who left us behind aren't able to do this work, because as I've seen it said in other posts, to look inward would be too painful.

In bold.

Bingo. 

[Waifed]

My ex was such a lazy, worthless slug I can't imagine how she could morph into anything else. Short of sex and spending money to make herself look better she had nothing. She didn't clean, washed her clothes but rarely folded them and couldn't cook.  She never even put a dish in my sink. Worthless... .

I'm pretty sure she was starting to see an OCD dude right before I dumped her. She mentioned it under her breath one day about him being the only other person she was attracted too.  Her condo was clean the last time I saw it. First time it was clean in 3 years. Her lazy ass is never going to be able to keep that act up. Lol... .

[musicfan42]

My ex was such a lazy, worthless slug

... .some of the phrases people use here are priceless!

[Learning_curve74]

My exBPDgf could change personality based on who was in the room with her. It was scary how quickly she could do a complete 180. 

[fromheeltoheal]

My exBPDgf could change personality based on who was in the room with her. It was scary how quickly she could do a complete 180.  

Yes!  My 45 year old BPDgf was reasonably 'normal' when it was just the two of us, but when her 17 year old daughter, whom she was intimidated by(!), showed up, she regressed to a high school girl, and I got a continuous stream of "humor" at my expense from both of them.  What the heck?  It became clear after a while that they were the same emotional age and the daughter was much more confident, so I had to be the fall guy for high school silliness.  And I was trying to have an adult relationship with an equal.  Ha!  Silly me, jeez I did a great job of ignoring the obvious for too long.  Harumph.

[Supernova9star]

I don't really recall about character traits but I do recall especially early on that she would buy new clothes or whatever to be more like me in style. The funny part was I didn't care, I liked her for who I thought she was. There were a lot of things like that which I suppose are character traits maybe. In the later part of the 5 years I don't recall seeing that much but a lot in the start... .or that is when I noticed it more. It is really so sad.

Sometimes when I think of her I think of a scene from the movie Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere in it. She had just broke up with another guy and comes to the realization she doesn't know how she likes her eggs cooked. With one guy she liked them scrambled, with another over easy etc... .and that realization for her. Unfortunately for the pwBPD in our lives they don't go on like her character did, to find what they really liked (or who they really are) because they aren't able to. For me though I think of that scene a lot when I think of her, but the ending is much sadder to me.

Yes yes yes. He was like a chameleon. Virtually all my interests and personality traits were tried on for size with him. In fact I overheard him in conversation with others practically quoting things I had said to him in previous conversations he and I shared in private. It was like he wanted to extract all the things about me that he liked and claim them for himself. Meanwhile I felt like bits and pieces of my soul were being carved away and the life was being sucked out of me for 8 years. After he left me 2 months ago, he called after a month and I broke NC for about a week before he dumped me on my face again. When I saw him he had completely morphed into a different person. He was hanging out with a coworker and it was like he was becoming him now. It was actually scary to see how different he was in such a short time frame.  Is there actually a core to these people or do they just walk around like human sponges their entire lives?

[Supernova9star]

Yes!  My 45 year old BPDgf was reasonably 'normal' when it was just the two of us, but when her 17 year old daughter, whom she was intimidated by(!), showed up, she regressed to a high school girl, and I got a continuous stream of "humor" at my expense from both of them.  What the heck?  It became clear after a while that they were the same emotional age and the daughter was much more confident, so I had to be the fall guy for high school silliness.  And I was trying to have an adult relationship with and equal.  Ha!  Silly me, jeez I did a great job of ignoring the obvious for too long.  Harumph.

Yes my ex did this! Whenever my 12 year old's friends were around I witnessed a side of him that was so childlike and immature. It seemed so natural for him to act this way too. He told me it was how he "related" to the kids. But seriously, I felt like the only adult. And yes, emotionally I think that is where he truly was/is. Sad really.

[fromheeltoheal]

Yes!  My 45 year old BPDgf was reasonably 'normal' when it was just the two of us, but when her 17 year old daughter, whom she was intimidated by(!), showed up, she regressed to a high school girl, and I got a continuous stream of "humor" at my expense from both of them.  What the heck?  It became clear after a while that they were the same emotional age and the daughter was much more confident, so I had to be the fall guy for high school silliness.  And I was trying to have an adult relationship with and equal.  Ha!  Silly me, jeez I did a great job of ignoring the obvious for too long.  Harumph.

Yes my ex did this! Whenever my 12 year old's friends were around I witnessed a side of him that was so childlike and immature. It seemed so natural for him to act this way too. He told me it was how he "related" to the kids. But seriously, I felt like the only adult. And yes, emotionally I think that is where he truly was/is. Sad really.

Hey, I have ready access to my inner 15 year old too, hope I never lose it, but fortunately he's a well-behaved child and the adult is in control.  Note to self: spend time with kids with any potential new girlfriends; could avoid another train wreck.

[Escaped 30.Sept.2013]

 Is there actually a core to these people or do they just walk around like human sponges their entire lives?

So far as I can gather, from reading in here and elsewhere and from my T, the answer to that is:

- pretty much, nope, there is no core to a BPD, and that's where their problem lies.

And it seems they do not know what is wrong with them, either. Some of them know that "I always end up hurting people" but they seem not to realise they have any choices in their behaviour. They appear to feel 'doomed' to have everything collapse around them every time.

But they do not know who they are - they have no "sense of self" and throughout a relationship, what they do is a desperate struggle for survival. They are literally fighting for their lives, subconsciously, as they frantically mirror to try to make us love them, desperately try to balance fear and shame at being so completely unloveable that we are surely about to leave them, complete terror at the prospect of having no-one there to validate them because if there is no-one saying "I love you" then the BPD ceases to exist. They really are, from all I can read, terrified of being alone, because if they are alone, then they no longer exist.

- What that translates to in actual terms is: they draw us in, chew us up and spit us out.

We just have to try to accept that, bizarre as it seems, this is not personal.


We all have read of the (rare) cases in which a person with a major psychotic mental illness appears normal but suddenly stabs a total stranger on the subway. We're all familiar with the concept that to the ill person, the stranger was a threat, a danger, someone persecuting them, that they stabbed the stranger in self-defence.

What really helped me, was realising that my BPD ex-bf had his behaviour driven just as powerfully by his subconscious, albeit not psychotic.

And that there are reasons in my own childhood and my own behaviour for why I stayed 'in' for 15 months and didn't see red flags/ ignored red flags.

I am still dealing with hurt, upset, anxieties, but now I can see that these come from within me. My own fear of rejection, being not good enough.

He didn't cause this - but he exposed what I'd covered up for decades.

[fromheeltoheal]

He didn't cause this - but he exposed what I'd covered up for decades.

And therin lies the gift of a BPD relationship; I've grown a great deal since I climbed out of hell.

[Escaped 30.Sept.2013]

And re the OP (sorry, got a bit off-topic in earlier reply )

Yes, I watched my ex-bf be several very different kinds of people.

In private with me, I got this considerate philosophical thinker, who was widely-read, widely-travelled, who thought about stuff, with a fast line in lousy puns, who loved word-play, very intellectual, loved history and political history and so on.

On his Facebook Wall, he was like he'd been at college (again, then I'd known a different man from the public one, twenty years earlier). The public persona was more loud, with strong opinions and a tendency to debate, especially political things. Lots of humour, but it was clever humour, like puns, paradoxes, he loved putting two things side by side to compare the differences and could be really witty. He would have 30 or 40 FB-friends commenting most weeks, a really active Wall.

Twice in the last 8 months he had what I thought of as "FB-crushes" and both times his Wall changed subtly, in one case went over to a really earthy sense of humour, lots of toilet-jokes, very like a 12-year-old boy. In the second (my Replacement), it was more childish humour, very "giggling together behind the bike sheds", lots of "let's sail away on a pirate ship!" and "ooh, maybe a big dinosaur will come and eat us both up!".

In both those cases, his FB-friends lost interest steadily, and at the point where for my own sanity I defriended and blocked, he had only my Replacement, her friend and about 3 others commenting most weeks. It was pretty bleak, and it must have added to his fears of being alone. I think it's picked up a bit since then, because I was told he'd been 'courting' various other women as FB-friends, so I guess he's lining up the next Replacement.

I now have blocked every access and told everyone to stop telling me anything at all about him, her or their FB activity. That is the best move EVER

But yeah - definitely changes in demeanour, in humour, etc., with both those two.

[Escaped 30.Sept.2013]

He didn't cause this - but he exposed what I'd covered up for decades.

And therin lies the gift of a BPD relationship; I've grown a great deal since I climbed out of hell.

Indeed. It's ironic, as my ex-bf portrayed himself to me in mirroring as the Knight in Armour, come to rescue me... .he only ever wanted to be "a force for good" in my life, and he did do me a lot of good in those early months. And now, what I get from the breakup really is, as my signature says, the rest of my life.

Without him, I'd have drifted on, into worse and worse abusive relationships, and I'd have died before my time, from domestic violence, murder or drink. I was in a bad way when we re-met, and my ex picked me up and dusted me down and pretty much did rescue me. Then his condition nearly destroyed me, but I am now becoming a healthier, stronger person and am starting to get pretty excited about the future! Never thought I'd say that... .

[maxen]

i don't think mine has taken on the personality of the new one (i've met this person) but she has found a role to play. the new one is a bit tough and is protective, and my stbxw is dressing differently. when we were first married she wanted to subsume herself in me to an extent and i was never perfectly comfortable with that, i though she was great in herself and said so, which you'd think would be the most desirable compliment, but not for a BPD.

[Clearmind]

Everyone on this planet mirrors to a certain extent. Borderlines mirror because they have no sense of self. It is a sad reality for them really - inner turmoil of feeling lost, alone and misunderstood has been ingrained since they were probably around 3. Mirroring is magnified in those with BPD. BPD is a disorder of relationships and extremes. Mirroring is pretty normal, however with a pwBPD the frequency and depth of mirroring would be considered beyond what is healthy.

Did we recognize it?

Why not?

Why did we consider it endearing?

Why did we mistake this extreme behaviour for love?

Interestingly the idealization phase was fraught with mirroring from both us and them. It felt great like you found "the one" - this was our thought process as well as the Borderlines. So mirroring was done by both! Think about it - how much of your own self did you loose during the course of your relationship. That shattered feeling when we separate from our ex's, which brought you here to bpdfamily for answers, means something.

We do have some delving to do into our own past - a person with good self worth does not get involved with a Borderline and would be more interested in there own needs rather than saving a disordered person.

Not everyone is capable of healing from their past - I have seen many members come and go and come back again devastated 2 years after the break up - detaching involves you processing your past more than processing and picking apart the actions of your ex.

[leftbehind]

from Supernovastar

He was like a chameleon. Virtually all my interests and personality traits were tried on for size with him. In fact I overheard him in conversation with others practically quoting things I had said to him in previous conversations he and I shared in private. It was like he wanted to extract all the things about me that he liked and claim them for himself.

Holy Sh*t!  This was my experience with my exBPDbf to a T.

He was hanging out with a coworker and it was like he was becoming him now. It was actually scary to see how different he was in such a short time frame.

Exactly.  Oh, it's so painful.  Here I am up in the early morning hours ruminating about this.  And the fact that no-one else understands this except the people here make it worse.  Thank you all for saving my sanity once again.

[Century2012]

That is exactly what they do. They don't have a sense of self, or at least not one that they like very much, so they "mirror" the people around them.

I saw that when we were dating. And it bugged me.

And yes, they will mirror their rebound.

Mine was all politeness and composure around me, except when he was drunk.

His rebound has a really quick temper and immediately feels defensive and goes on the offensive when she "perceives" a threat.

When I had some contact, the "be friends" stage, I saw that in him, thinking, where the heck is that coming from?

[HostNoMore]

To paraphrase Clearmind, mirroring is a complete normal behavior.  To a BPD, mirroring is a tactic to gain trust, though I believe it is not always a conscious choice on their part.  They've learned to do it as it is highly effective.  To a third party, it looks like they have just assumed the personality of their new toy.  To the non in a BPD relationship, it literally appears as if you've found your perfect match.

For example, I will mirror someone whenever I am trying to make a sale.  However, I do not use mirroring as a tactic to abuse someone for my immediate advantage.  I do know that my percentage of closing is much higher if I somewhat mirror my prospect versus if I do not use mirroring at all.  I also know that I get referrals if I do not abuse my clients and live up to their expectations so we all win versus a one sided BPD/non relationship.  Mirroring is not in my normal mode of operation though as it really is a false front.  I prefer to turn it off once I've established the trust of my clients so they can see the real HNM.

I think that we need to learn to recognize any malignant mirroring as a BPD takes mirroring to the Nth degree and is not very subtle about it either.  My BPD relationship has taught me to value the cliche of if it's too good to be true then it probably is not.

[fromheeltoheal]

detaching involves you processing your past more than processing and picking apart the actions of your ex.

Yes, and detaching is a process.  Those of us enmeshed with a BPD have usually been blamed for everything for a long time.  Once the fog clears and we get educated and a little grounded, turns out plenty of the strife was their fault, and it's natural, and healthy, to slam them for a while, especially to supportive people.

And in a healthy and complete detachment that is a phase that ends, and we start looking at our part, and eventually all we're looking at is our part, as we grow and heal.  It's not linear either; I don't think about my BPD ex very much anymore, but the other day I was missing her massively for a while.  Where did that come from?  Digging... .

[Oliolioxenfree]

Has anyone ever met up with their ex and noticed that they are totally different and have adopted an all new personality? How long does it take for them to morph?

In my case yes. I took him about a year … I dont know for the women before me though.

 

At first I was flattered and thought we had shared so much in common... then things got creepy.  My BPDexbf would like everything I liked on FB, music hed never heard, bands hed never listened to, people hed never met…but I liked them so he did also, places hed never been, Bars hed never been to.  He liked all of these things after he saw I liked them (some of them even after we broke up.  We live in separate cities 2 hours apart and he started liking my favorite lounges bars and clubs hed been to maybe once, if ever)

Then he started moving on to people, he began following my male friends and I on spotify (this included several guys he never met, but I had told him I was old friends with.  He even started stalking my ex boyfriend before him and follows him as well) He followed them on google +, facebook friend requested them when hed never met them.  This was all AFTER the breakup in which he left me for another woman.  This was how I knew he had BPD.

He also started using my expressions.  I have my own expressions that I don’t think a lot of people use, and he began using them ALL THE TIME.  He began to morph into the male version of me.

I stopped checking spotify because he was creeping around on there too creating playlists of my music and basically copying entire playlists I had and was renaming them weird ___ like “my past” and stupid things like that.  Meanwhile he was with the woman he dumped me for…makes tons of sense, but only to a disordered BPD person.

The last time I checked his and my replacement’s fb pages maybe back in July?, I noticed that he had started going to concerts of bands  he absolutely loathed when he was with me. His likes had changed... they were all thigns that were her likes…  She doesn’t listen to the same types of music or does she the same things.  So turns out He had morphed into her.  (its been about 8 months that they’ve been together (maybe more who knows)

I remember once he told me “I have no hobbies no interests... I don’t even know what they are” 

He had no real identity of his own. 

He sucks.  I pity him. 


In my case yes.  I dont know for the women before me though. 

At first I was flattred and thought we had shared so much in common... then things got creepy.  My BPDexbf would like everything I liked on FB, music hed never heard,

[Ironmanrises]

Has anyone ever met up with their ex and noticed that they are totally different and have adopted an all new personality? How long does it take for them to morph?

In my case yes. I took him about a year … I dont know for the women before me though.

 

At first I was flattered and thought we had shared so much in common... then things got creepy.  My BPDexbf would like everything I liked on FB, music hed never heard, bands hed never listened to, people hed never met…but I liked them so he did also, places hed never been, Bars hed never been to.  He liked all of these things after he saw I liked them (some of them even after we broke up.  We live in separate cities 2 hours apart and he started liking my favorite lounges bars and clubs hed been to maybe once, if ever)

Then he started moving on to people, he began following my male friends and I on spotify (this included several guys he never met, but I had told him I was old friends with.  He even started stalking my ex boyfriend before him and follows him as well) He followed them on google +, facebook friend requested them when hed never met them.  This was all AFTER the breakup in which he left me for another woman.  This was how I knew he had BPD.

He also started using my expressions.  I have my own expressions that I don’t think a lot of people use, and he began using them ALL THE TIME.  He began to morph into the male version of me.

I stopped checking spotify because he was creeping around on there too creating playlists of my music and basically copying entire playlists I had and was renaming them weird ___ like “my past” and stupid things like that.  Meanwhile he was with the woman he dumped me for…makes tons of sense, but only to a disordered BPD person.

The last time I checked his and my replacement’s fb pages maybe back in July?, I noticed that he had started going to concerts of bands  he absolutely loathed when he was with me. His likes had changed... they were all thigns that were her likes…  She doesn’t listen to the same types of music or does she the same things.  So turns out He had morphed into her.  (its been about 8 months that they’ve been together (maybe more who knows)

I remember once he told me “I have no hobbies no interests... I don’t even know what they are” 

He had no real identity of his own. 

He sucks.  I pity him. 


In my case yes.  I dont know for the women before me though. 

At first I was flattred and thought we had shared so much in common... then things got creepy.  My BPDexbf would like everything I liked on FB, music hed never heard,

In bold.

My exUBPDgf displayed similar behavior... .

On facebook/instagram.

And this all started... .

Even when... .

We first became friends... .

On facebook.

She would comment... .

And like...

All my stuff.

She would post... .

Directly... .

On my wall... .

Constantly... .

To the point... .

Where my friends... .

Thought... .

"Ironmanfalls... .

She is really into you... .

Have you guys started going out... .?"

My response was:

"We just became friends... .

I havent met her yet... ."

My friends:

"But she appears to speak to you... .

As if... .

You and her... .

Are already an item... ."



I recognized... .

The red flag... .

But i ignored it.

A price... .

I would come to pay... .

Much later.

That same attention... .

She would lavish on me... .

In friendship phase... .

She would withdraw... .

In her push phase... .

In the push/pull behavior... .

Of BPD.

And she would... .

Literally... .

Unlike... .

And delete... .

The very statuses... .

She once liked... .

And delete comments on my statuses... .

Stretching back months.

Who does that... .?

It was all behavior... .

That i would come to face... .

When the relationship... .

Turned intimate.

That behavior she exhibited... .

In friendship... .

Was a precursor... .

To what was to come.

And it came.

Full blast.

[Oliolioxenfree]

In bold.

My exUBPDgf displayed similar behavior... .

On facebook/instagram.

And this all started... .

Even when... .

We first became friends... .[/quote]
These things are eerily similar and it helps.  Because they all share these common features which helps makes their disorder more identifiable to those of us on these boards.  It helps others to read and understand.  This is the disorder.  This is what they do.

Thanks Ironman

[Escaped 30.Sept.2013]

On facebook/instagram.

And this all started... .

Even when... .

We first became friends... .

On facebook.

She would comment... .

And like...

All my stuff.

She would post... .

Directly... .

On my wall... .

Constantly... .

To the point... .

Where my friends... .

Thought... .

"Ironmanfalls... .

She is really into you... .

Have you guys started going out... .?"

My response was:

"We just became friends... .

I havent met her yet... ."

My friends:

"But she appears to speak to you... .

As if... .

You and her... .

Are already an item... ."

Bloody hell - my Replacement did that to my then-boyfriend.

He FB-friended her, after over a year vaguely knowing her on a mutual friend's Wall.

Within a week she was liking 100% of his 5 or 6 statuses or shared pics every day. He would 'like' every comment she made too.

It drove me batty - but since he never replied to her comments except very rarely and then very patornisingly, I thought "oh well she has a crush on him, but he's not interested". He basically ignored her, except to 'like' a comment if she made one.

But she was ALL OVER his FB Wall. Almost everyone else stopped commenting and several told me privately they felt they were intruding, and were confused and had he and I split up? We'd got back together a few weeks earlier, after he dumped me inexplicably several months earlier (when he was pursuing a FB-crush whose every utterance he liked and replied to, frantically tagged her in everything, posted links tagging her, everything - but she was happily married and had no interest in him, so he came back to me (I now realise - at the time I didn't make the connection).

Then he hit a crisis in his family and I supported him through it - when it was resolved, he told me how strong I'd been for him, how I was the only one he could talk to about the crisis, how he couldn't have got through without me, but he was taking off for the weekend to calm down after the family stress. I invited him to mine but he said he needed solitude. I understood, and said I hoped his weekend went well.

So he flew abroad and spent the weekend with her... .after only a few weeks FB-friends.

And when he came back, it was all tagging her and posting links for her and so on, just like it had been before.

I suspect he had no interest in her at all until he had the crisis in his family and I became The Strong One for a while. That didn't feed his need to be in control, so he sought new adoration.

But oh my yes, the FB-liking of things he had told me he loathed... .I couldn't understand what he saw in her because she had virtually none of his interests... .

Now I understand PBD - I understand what he saw in her was his own potential-self, his own existence... .

[Escaped 30.Sept.2013]

Bloody hell - my Replacement did that to my then-boyfriend.

He FB-friended her, after over a year vaguely knowing her on a mutual friend's Wall.

Within a week she was liking 100% of his 5 or 6 statuses or shared pics every day. He would 'like' every comment she made too.

It drove me batty - but since he never replied to her comments except very rarely and then very patornisingly, I thought "oh well she has a crush on him, but he's not interested". He basically ignored her, except to 'like' a comment if she made one.

But she was ALL OVER his FB Wall. Almost everyone else stopped commenting and several told me privately they felt they were intruding, and were confused and had he and I split up?

God, I wonder if this time he's picked someone with a Cluster-B disorder?

I have a horrible suspicion she fits NPD in TONS of ways... .bloody hell... .the poor sod... .oh well. His problem, sadly.

[Waifed]

My ex was such a lazy, worthless slug

... .some of the phrases people use here are priceless!

I was trying to be nice 

[blissful_camper]

Has anyone ever met up with their ex and noticed that they are totally different and have adopted an all new personality? How long does it take for them to morph?

In my case yes. I took him about a year … I dont know for the women before me though.

 

At first I was flattered and thought we had shared so much in common... then things got creepy.  My BPDexbf would like everything I liked on FB, music hed never heard, bands hed never listened to, people hed never met…but I liked them so he did also, places hed never been, Bars hed never been to.  He liked all of these things after he saw I liked them (some of them even after we broke up.  We live in separate cities 2 hours apart and he started liking my favorite lounges bars and clubs hed been to maybe once, if ever)

Then he started moving on to people, he began following my male friends and I on spotify (this included several guys he never met, but I had told him I was old friends with.  He even started stalking my ex boyfriend before him and follows him as well) He followed them on google +, facebook friend requested them when hed never met them.  This was all AFTER the breakup in which he left me for another woman.  This was how I knew he had BPD.

He also started using my expressions.  I have my own expressions that I don’t think a lot of people use, and he began using them ALL THE TIME.  He began to morph into the male version of me.

I stopped checking spotify because he was creeping around on there too creating playlists of my music and basically copying entire playlists I had and was renaming them weird ___ like “my past” and stupid things like that.  Meanwhile he was with the woman he dumped me for…makes tons of sense, but only to a disordered BPD person.

The last time I checked his and my replacement’s fb pages maybe back in July?, I noticed that he had started going to concerts of bands  he absolutely loathed when he was with me. His likes had changed... they were all thigns that were her likes…  She doesn’t listen to the same types of music or does she the same things.  So turns out He had morphed into her.  (its been about 8 months that they’ve been together (maybe more who knows)

I remember once he told me “I have no hobbies no interests... I don’t even know what they are” 

He had no real identity of his own. 

He sucks.  I pity him. 


In my case yes.  I dont know for the women before me though. 

At first I was flattred and thought we had shared so much in common... then things got creepy.  My BPDexbf would like everything I liked on FB, music hed never heard,

My ex said this too -- when I suggested he develop interests and hobbies to counter his anxiety, and depression.  The idea made sense to me and I thought it would be helpful to him to engage in contemplative activities outside of work so he could have time to himself to think, and get to know himself.  He agreed, but never did a thing to do any of them, to include just taking simple walks in the evening so he'd have time to himself to reflect.  Then I heard the reason: "I don't know what I like". There's just nothing there but emptiness.