at last

[roses65]

I finally have answers.  My mom at 93 was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and historionics.

this has given me closer and now know that I was not the problem.

I have been reading so much on this. My mom has most of the symptoms.  It has been a long journey to finally get answers.

I have told my daughter about the diagnosis of her grandmother. She did not seem surprised what I told her as she has seen my mom's craziness.

[GeekyGirl]

Hi roses65 and welcome! 

I'm glad that learning about BPD has brought you some comfort and answers. It can be a real eye-opener to finally have a reason behind your mother's behavior--I know it blew my mind when I discovered BPD.

How are you doing now? What has changed since you learned about your mother's diagnosis?

[roses65]

I am doing much better. It was hard to not know  why my mom was the way she was. I got into genealogy hoping I could find a relative who could tell me what was going on with her family. MY mom would always say she could not remember anything about her life before she met my dad. Mom said she did not remember any relatives that she met, new nothing about her grandparents etc.   If I asked to many questions she would get angry and say" Why are you badgering me"! I would then have to ask other people if it was wrong to ask questions about your mother's life. I got into the doubting stage of thinking " Maybe I am wrong to ask her"? When other people would say there is nothing wrong with asking questions, it made me feel somewhat better.

Mom would rip up all her medical files so the next DR. would not be able to see what the other DRs. wrote about her. Only reason that I was able to confirm that my mom had BPD was that I had sent for my Dad's military records and there for 5 pages of medical files from the Red Cross (Back then they used the Red Cross Social workers for the Military to handle problems. I was 3 and my brother 4 and sister 11 when the Social Worker  came out to the house. There had been complaints from the neighbors about the yelling they could hear from our house. When they came to assess the situation they said my mom was in such a state that she was horrified what she had done and the social workers were afraid for the children. My mom had lost all track of time and was a emotional mess. Prior to them coming my mom was in a historical state. Dad had to take leave as they could not afford treatment from private DR. So we had a mom who was BPD and a father who had PTSD from being a pow and his father giving physical abuse to his children, and my dad doing the same and never giving us any love. So not a happy time.

After my mom was placed in a skilled nursing home at 90  after a couple of years with her anger towards me, I asked a psychiatrist if he would work with her. He finally gave her a diagnosis of BPD. After reading  books from library I said "Oh my God" that is her! I am the scape goat and my sister is the golden child. Mom  always had the "Golden Uterus" as she would say "I owe her my life"

I have more to tell but wanted to give a little background.      

   

[P.F.Change]

Hi, rose65! Glad you found us.

It's never too late for a  I imagine. There may or may not be many years left for your mother, but this information can still be valuable to you as you continue your own journey. What kind of support are you getting for yourself? Have you ever considered talking with a therapist about what you have been through? Is there anything you would like to work on while you are here?

Wishing you peace,

PF

[roses65]

I am working on having to justify everything. When my mom would throw me under the bus, I felt I had to tell everyone that was not true.

Even in my own situations I felt if someone said something about my decision I felt I had to make them understand my decision when i shoud not

have said anything

I felt people would be mad at me or think bad about me. Have been working on this

[sophiegirl]

Hi Roses65, my mother is 88 and I recently found the term BPD to describe her. Previously it was a very long list of issues but 3 letters is much easier. There is literature to read and so many people here who have experienced almost exactly the some abuse from their mother. knowing I'm not alone has been quite a turning point.

I've also asked mother about her past. I recall my grandmother as being cold and cutting, when I was little we would visit her once a month and she would make my mother cry. But mother describes her as a wonder mother which I don't really understand. Whether I will find out more I doubt. Let us know how you get on with your journey 

[P.F.Change]

I am working on having to justify everything. When my mom would throw me under the bus, I felt I had to tell everyone that was not true.

Even in my own situations I felt if someone said something about my decision I felt I had to make them understand my decision when i shoud not

have said anything

I felt people would be mad at me or think bad about me. Have been working on this

Yes, I understand exactly what you mean. It is a good thing to work on! You deserve to have your own needs, feelings and values, and you don't have to Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain (JADE) them to anyone. What you think about yourself matters a lot more than what anyone else might think.

Good luck with this work and I hope you will keep reading and posting here. 

PF