A week away...

[houseofswans]

Hi lovely people.

I've been sunning myself in Mallorca this past week, hence not posting or contributing.

Naturally, my ex was in my head most of the time, but being 1,000 miles away from her (as opposed to 3 miles) sure made it easier to handle, especially as I had no opportunity to go online.

I've returned more determined than ever to try and finally flush her from my system. I'm going to see if I can get some therapy/counselling on the NHS to help me even further to prevent the same thing happening again with someone new.

And can I say that this was my first ever flight on a plane, despite reaching 60 years of age. I always said that I wouldn't go on a plane because of bad panic attacks I used to have some years ago. But I braved it out, and now I feel more confident and the world really has opened up for me.

Oh, and even though I told my ex a couple of weeks ago about the flight and holiday, there was no email on my return to say "Hope you had a good time and your first flight went well... ."

Nothing at all.

So I have just blocked her from my email - and this was easy to do because as I was doing it I kept repeating to myself "There you go, what more proof do you need that she doesn't give a damn about you, is just self-centered, selfish and self-serving... ."

And by-the-by, had someone offered me a job and accommodation in Mallorca, I would have snapped there hand off! Beautiful island, people, climate and food... .

I'm getting all wistful and I've only been back two days 

[KHC_33]

Once you have made that break don't dance with the devil sort of speak. I know it is very difficult to completely break from it. You are used to the push and pull factor.

If you really want it to be done. Let it be done. No Contact has been amazing for me. I has helped me to stay in a healthy state without him bringing me back to that level.

Moving maybe a good step for you. I moved right out of the city my ex and I lived in. New people, new places, you are learning about everything around you and mostly you are learning the new you.

Without any interference. That is the huge thing. The further they are from you the better it is FOR YOU.

Many hugs. 

[allweareisallweare]

Welcome back, HoS - I remain in NC now seven weeks and counting. I was worried for you a little as I say you had became inactive. But now I know you were sunning yourself I can stop  but the best thing is, you're back into the support network. You're right about anxiety and flying - I have aviophobia... .gah.

[houseofswans]

Thanks allweareisallweare & KHC_33

Nice to know that I've been missed 

No contact is the only way, and I am seriously considering moving from the area as I really don't want to see my ex again.

Far too painful to contemplate

[Ironmanrises]

Houseofswans... .

Welcome back friend.

Hi lovely people.

I've been sunning myself in Mallorca this past week, hence not posting or contributing.

Naturally, my ex was in my head most of the time, but being 1,000 miles away from her (as opposed to 3 miles) sure made it easier to handle, especially as I had no opportunity to go online.

I've returned more determined than ever to try and finally flush her from my system. I'm going to see if I can get some therapy/counselling on the NHS to help me even further to prevent the same thing happening again with someone new.

And can I say that this was my first ever flight on a plane, despite reaching 60 years of age. I always said that I wouldn't go on a plane because of bad panic attacks I used to have some years ago. But I braved it out, and now I feel more confident and the world really has opened up for me.

Oh, and even though I told my ex a couple of weeks ago about the flight and holiday, there was no email on my return to say "Hope you had a good time and your first flight went well... ."

Nothing at all.

So I have just blocked her from my email - and this was easy to do because as I was doing it I kept repeating to myself "There you go, what more proof do you need that she doesn't give a damn about you, is just self-centered, selfish and self-serving... ."

And by-the-by, had someone offered me a job and accommodation in Mallorca, I would have snapped there hand off! Beautiful island, people, climate and food... .

I'm getting all wistful and I've only been back two days  

In bold.

Nothing at all... .

Yet.

Remember... .

It is transitory.

A pattern of behavior.

I am 3.75 months NC... .

After round 2... .

I am still repairing the damage... .

Malfunctions... .

To multiple internal systems.

My CIWS self defense guns... .

Activate... .

At imagined... .

And... .

Real targets.

Sometimes... .

I cannot even distinguish... .

If the phantoms are even real.

I know the pain.

We all do.

Hang in there.

Keep posting on here.