Controlling my emotions

[Justme1]

Typically, I'm a very level headed and laid back person. Although I rarely interact with my uBPDm, when I do I can usually view our interactions from a detached perspective and analyze the situation. I try hard not to take her verbal attacks and behaviors personally. It hasn't always been this way, but that's where I am now.

I find it extremely helpful to read about BPD as well, but I've noticed that sometimes a few hours after either interacting with her, talking about her, or reading about BPD I break down.

Simply put, I think I'm bottling up my emotions and letting them all loose at once.

Can anyone offer constructive advice? How can I release this pent-up anger and sadness gradually, in a healthier way?

[GeekyGirl]

Great question! Many of us learned some unhealthy ways to express emotions as children and as adults, we can learn better habits.

One thing that I've practiced is deep breathing--sometimes just taking a few deep breaths and counting to ten can take the edge off. Exercise has helped a lot of members here (nothing like a workout to let some energy and aggression out!), yoga has also been helpful (that's my fave), and many members are very artistic as well. You'll find some poets, artists, and musicians here. Those are all some healthy ways to let out frustration.

Also, are you in therapy (or T, as we call it here)? That's a safe place to work on your emotions.

[MyNascence]

Hi there, Justme1!

Even though I'm an incredibly calm and patient person overall, I was unable to control my actions and reactions around my mother for a very long time.  As a lovely person once told me, "some people may know how to push your buttons, but remember your parents are the ones that installed them."

It's no wonder it was so easy to lose my temper! 

I found that for me, trying to control my feelings and reactions was very difficult, but when I started focusing on finding peace overall - healing and becoming my own person - I was able to be calm in the face of adversity, so to speak. 

Buddhism and lot's of reading and helping other people on the boards helped me.  Ultimately I decided to go NC but I did so after I learned to control myself, so I did it out of a sense of pride and not anger. 

I hope you are able to find your peace.