have you reached the point of anger in your healing?

[simplyasiam]

not mad and crying but real anger. im not sure if its a good thing but im pizzed and im letting it show and telling ppl why im mad.

[winston72]

Yes!  And only very recently, and I only posted about it for the first time today.  And…I feel very good about it!  I am historically not very comfortable with my own anger.  I avoid it and it manifests elsewhere within me, generally in the form of anxiety.  I will intellectualize feelings by explaining everything about what happened.  But, my ex lied to me and cheated on me!  And it hurts.  And I am angry about it.  And I discovered it two years ago.  TWO YEARS!  And I am really only now just tapping into my genuine feelings about it. 

I feared the anger would cause me to spin out of control or would drive me away from her or make me a bad person or distract me from "understanding" what really happened.  I did everything rather than just listen to myself and accept myself.  Just could not allow me to feel what I was really feeling.  So…anger was not and is not the point, it is the acceptance of our genuine selves.  That, of course, is a main part of healthy living. 

And, as you mention in your post, telling others about what I am feeling is fine!  A revelation!  What I was doing previously was a kind of covering up…it was an extension of my denial of her wrongdoing and my hurt…pretending.  I know I did this because I thought it was helpful to her, I thought it would enable "us" to restore trust more quickly. Ugh.  Dumb.  Incorrect. 

Losing my internet…will post now!

[winston72]

Maybe a little more time left for my signal…denial.  Getting out of denial.  bpdfamily.com!  Aha!  And than allowing them to move me as they will; meaning I am learning to feel the emotions that naturally flow from what happened…the feelings following the facts.  My learned behavior as a little one growing up was to modify, muddle, intellectualize, rationalize behavior that was hurtful to me and to deny my own emotions because they would/will not be accepted and addressed.  And I did it big time with my BPD ex.  Big time.  So, the work has been to try to see the facts of her, me and us and to allow the feelings to flourish…and then to reflect on how it all fits together and what I might want.

[rags_and_feathers]

Congratulations!  That sounds like a very healthy embracing of normal emotions -- I know it isn't easy, and I applaud you!

[MovingOn311]

O ya, I would say I am angry towards my uBPDxw.  Not only did she go behind my back to get the divorce papers rolling and not even bring it my attention, she also blamed me for everything as to why the relationship failed.  Not paying enough attention to her, not doing my chores around the house, etc.  Well, of course when this all happened, I was devastated and didn't know about BPD.  Well, fast forward a year or so and my buddy found out how she used to make out with random guys at bars when we were married.  At first I blew it off and said to myself, doesn't surprise me, typical BPD behavior.  Well, after it sunk in, it really pissed me off.  The nerve of her to blame me as to why the relationship ended while she's off cheating.   

Needless to say, I hope this woman takes a long walk off a short pier and hope to god she never tries to go for a recycle cause it would never happen in a million years. 

[KHC_33]

Yes. I have a lot of anger. In that anger there is acceptance. You go through the stages of grief. Denial. You realized how much of yourself you lost or has been damaged.

Once you get past the anger there is a acceptance.

The definition is below:

Acceptance in human psychology is a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit. The concept is close in meaning to 'acquiescence', derived from the Latin 'acquiēscere' (to find rest in).

When you do finally find rest. Not to run but to face it and accept it. That is the key. When we do that we can heal. We are no longer running but dealing with the past wounds and present hurts of BPD relationship.

[maxen]

yes. in the last 3 or 4 days i have become ENRAGED. and i don't care who knows it. it was there all along but i was suckerpunched with the end of my marriage and in total devastation until just now. and by enraged, i mean bookshelf-smashing, window-punching fury. by all accounts i've reached this early in the process (4 months) so i probably will retreat to weeping and humiliation, but i also feel i've turned a corner.

Needless to say, I hope this woman takes a long walk off a short pier