A Rotten Pumkin

[nolisan]

 Hello my friends. I was just recalling where I was a year ago and thought I would share my Halloween or Samhain story with you. Oct 7th was the ending of the BPD r/s and I was shattered ... .but my healing instincts were starting to kick in.

It had been the Halloween before (that's two years ago) that I had fallen in love. We had gone to a pagan celebration of Samhain - that was her brand of spirituality and I felt privileged to be invited. We stopped at a coffee shop and in the soft fall light I saw her in a new way - as someone I desired. We had been friends for over a year at this point.

So fast forward - idealization, devaluation and betrayal - the r/s didn't make the 1 year mark. I felt like I had been run over by a truck.

In fact I hadn't even harvested my garden before freeze up (I live in Canada). I had a medicine ball sized pumpkin still sitting outside. A few days before Halloween I thought "Hey - I should bring it in - maybe it will be OK to make a jack-o-lantern". So I did.

The day before Halloween I checked it. It looked great on the outside but when I went to pick it up I realized it had gone rotten inside. WOW ... .a symbol of my ex ... .she looked good on the outside too! I saw an opportunity for a healing ritual.

Halloween eve - the night I had fallen in love the year before I stepped out on my back porch - rotten pumpkin in hands. From there, with all my strength, I threw that large pumpkin into a bare patch of my garden - now covered with a few inches of snow. SPLAT! It exploded - bright orange pumpkin ejecta for at least a yard in circumference.

This might sound silly but this ritual brought me great pleasure and relief. I left the splattered pumpkin there. First the birds pecked at it then one night a deer wandered in and ate the whole thing. The pumpkin had been removed and recycled back into the earth. That felt good.

Anyone else out there used any rituals in your healing?

Noli

[Lucky Jim]

Hi Noli,

I burned a guitar case last year at a guys weekend with some high school buddies.  Before adding it to the bonfire on the beach, I had a friend write some choice words and quotations on it, in day-glo paint!  It was fantastic to let go of something that symbolized painful memories of my BPD r/s.  It also marked the end of the abuse from my BPDxW.  Like you, Noli, I felt better afterwards and would definitely recommend such a ritual for healing purposes.

Lucky Jim

[DownandOut]

Noli - I'm big into symbolism and I really believe that that happened to you for a reason. I'm also glad you saw it for what it was (a symbol of your ex). I especially like the part where you smashed it! That ritualistic smashing must have done wonders for you, I'm hoping I could experience something like that! Thanks for posting!