Facebook games.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I blocked her this time, I am committed to therapy and nc.

Because she is blocked she can not see anything of mine unless she logs out and checks my public one. She told me that she just sits there and hits refresh for hours on previous break ups.

I posted nothing negative or even anything about the break up (Tuesday officially). We have one mutual friend who is a friend from my work. Over at his place last night, he says "so what's up with (her name's) post?

I reply, I have no idea, I haven't checked her Facebook at all (this break up). Is she writing bad stuff?

He tells me she wrote "finally out of a horrible, abusive relationship... .I cut him off, didn't need to hear it. I was furious, which I'm sure was her plan. Now she was in my head.

I knew I shouldn't but couldn't resist posting a public statement of my own. It read... .

"Finally out of a horrible relationship!

It took being pushed to the edge of my sanity, lots of therapy, but feels good to finally be told the truth.

I wish her all the best, long tough road ahead of her."

It was public for 3 hours then I made it only friends who could see it.

I then posted a cartoon picture of a black widow with the words "sorry Ms Black Widow, I survived" public.

I hate that she is in my head like this.

[2pts]

I blocked her this time, I am committed to therapy and nc.

Because she is blocked she can not see anything of mine unless she logs out and checks my public one. She told me that she just sits there and hits refresh for hours on previous break ups.

I posted nothing negative or even anything about the break up (Tuesday officially). We have one mutual friend who is a friend from my work. Over at his place last night, he says "so what's up with (her name's) post?

I reply, I have no idea, I haven't checked her Facebook at all (this break up). Is she writing bad stuff?

He tells me she wrote "finally out of a horrible, abusive relationship... .I cut him off, didn't need to hear it. I was furious, which I'm sure was her plan. Now she was in my head.

I knew I shouldn't but couldn't resist posting a public statement of my own. It read... .

"Finally out of a horrible relationship!

It took being pushed to the edge of my sanity, lots of therapy, but feels good to finally be told the truth.

I wish her all the best, long tough road ahead of her."

It was public for 3 hours then I made it only friends who could see it.

I then posted a cartoon picture of a black widow with the words "sorry Ms Black Widow, I survived" public.

I hate that she is in my head like this.

[babyducks]

  2pts,

Being smeared is pretty common here on the boards,  unfortunately it goes with the territory and is very hard to deal with.  It is very hard to not react when being raged upon and pwBPD rage.  Everyone's normal reaction is to defend themselves.

The thing is when you JADE, justify, argue, defend or explain yourself,  it gives the pwBPD control of the conversation and allows their emotions to escalate.   Which doesn't usually have a good result.

In a way she was right,  she is out of an abusive relationship.   Its not a stretch of the truth to say SHE was abusing YOU.

Take a couple of deep breaths, turn off the computer and go for a long walk.   

babyducks

[2pts]

Thank you, I forgot to mention she dxBPD

.

[Surnia]

  2pts

I can relate with your feelings about having her in your head again. 

You will find your way back to more peace, therapy, daily life.

In our days we have to learn to deal with modern medias too.

I think Babyducks is right about breathing and a long walk - or a workout with your favorite music, something like this.

[Waifed]

I am glad my ex doesn't resort to these childish games.  She knows that I won't put up with it and would embarrass her tenfold. 

[Oracle]

I refuse to stoop to his level of blocking, and I have noticed that he sits and waits for me to message and when I don't he doesn't block me just deactivates his account.  I made the mistake of asking if everything was ok when he last did this, I won't make the same mistake again.

Tbh I do get some kind of satisfaction out of this, tho it does make my insides burn with nerves when I see this, i suppose if he does eventually block me I will know he is no longer interested in me.  Weird!

[EdR]

I refuse to stoop to his level of blocking, and I have noticed that he sits and waits for me to message and when I don't he doesn't block me just deactivates his account.  I made the mistake of asking if everything was ok when he last did this, I won't make the same mistake again.

Tbh I do get some kind of satisfaction out of this, tho it does make my insides burn with nerves when I see this, i suppose if he does eventually block me I will know he is no longer interested in me.  Weird!

Idk... I don't think our explanation is necessarily theirs. That's what makes it hard for me.

Blocking could just as well mean you're coming way too close in an emotional sense. They don't know what to do and block you. It could also be punishment. Or indeed being not interested anymore. You'll never know which though :-(

[Aw511]

I blocked mine immediately after I left his place for the last time. I do this to protect myself from seeing things I don't want to see/obsessing. I also am not tempted to post things with subliminal messages knowing he has no way of seeing it. It's just safer for me this way. He of course retaliated by blocking me on Instagram, snapchat, vine, and every other social networking website. He probably did this to try and hurt me but I actually couldn't care less. I don't want to see him smiling in photos, flirting with girls, nothing. Even the smallest thing could set me off. I don't want to know... .

[Jbt857]

I blocked mine immediately after I left his place for the last time. I do this to protect myself from seeing things I don't want to see/obsessing. I also am not tempted to post things with subliminal messages knowing he has no way of seeing it. It's just safer for me this way. He of course retaliated by blocking me on Instagram, snapchat, vine, and every other social networking website. He probably did this to try and hurt me but I actually couldn't care less. I don't want to see him smiling in photos, flirting with girls, nothing. Even the smallest thing could set me off. I don't want to know... .

Yep - me too. I have blocked him on FB for the same reason. I don't want to see what he's doing and I have his number blocked on my phone so I don't get any unexpected messages, which have the ability to totally derail my day.

My life is simpler without those things while I'm trying to move forward and get through this.

[Ironmanrises]

To avoid such things... .

And to protect myself... .

From her... .

And from myself too... .

I have closed down... .

All my social media... .

Facebook and Instagram.

Blocking/ unblocking... .

Has no power... .

When there is nothing... .

To no longer block.

Prevents the stalking on there... .

As well.

That was the measure... .

I had to take.

[Turkish]

I blocked mine last week. I thought it had worked when I "forced" her to post a mutual break up message on both of our pages (we have two kids, and not a few mutual "friends", but we were still connected. She hasn't painted me black on her page in an obvious way, but I got sick of seeing her BS platitudes about moving on, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, growing through change and all of the usual FB inanities.

Last night, she asked if I had seen the pics she posted of the kids, or maybe it was her co-worker's costume. I said no. So she hasn't realized she is blocked yet.

I told me T the other week that she still wanted to be "friends" (possibly a form of that at some point in the future due to our kids... .like YEARS). He said, "a friend is someone with whom you entrust the building of your character." So, no, she is not my "friend", FB or otherwise. She is at best a friendly acquaintance due to our children.

The funny thing that I began to see is that all I had to do was sit back and watch, taking the high road. She got hardly any validation for her posts, sometimes none at all. I have posted "higher level" philosophical and literary references touching upon what is going on with me and I get quite a lot. I also get far more "likes" when I post pics of our kids than she does. I think most everybody realized what happened. I don't need that validation, but I will certainly take it and feel slightly better. It may also be due to the caliber of friends that I have.

[caughtnreleased]

Funny, how facebook is such fertile ground for manipulating and hurting others.  Thankfully I was never friends with my BPDex on facebook, so no unfriending was necessary

But I really noticed how it is so NOT indicative of people's relationships to eachother when I had a falling out with another troubled "friend".  He continued to comment, and like many of my posts etc. on my wall despite the fact that we were no longer on speaking terms.  I'm not saying that's how it is all the time, but sometimes, that's how it can be. 

[goldylamont]

He said, "a friend is someone with whom you entrust the building of your character." So, no, she is not my "friend", FB or otherwise.

I love that quote! Tell your T thank you. I totally agree with the friend-status thing--months after we were apart I was finally just like, this person is *not* my friend. yes i want to get to a place where i can be friendly, but no one who purposefully lies, smears and punishes is my "friend" no matter how long a r/s we may have had. I was the one who initially un-friended her on FB, and so glad i did this first. Also unfriended her family--but i loved them, i did this for me so that i wouldn't try to check in on her :-) But, i never blocked her--just didn't feel the need, I did the unfriending for my own detachment and, at least at the time, she wasn't doing any stalkerish activities. 6 months later of NC she calls me up and tries to start communication again... .all in all it was just 1 call, a few texts and/or messages on FB. We had very cordial communication which was healing for me, but I basically just ignored the last few texts she sent--a week or so later she had blocked me on FB,  . again i didn't care i'm sure she was trying to punish me or something for not replying to her, but it was completely silly b/c i was the one not contacting her there was no need to block (we already weren't friends b/c of me). or, maybe she got tired of FB stalking me and seeing picks of me and my current gf online  ?

[Turkish]

He said, "a friend is someone with whom you entrust the building of your character." So, no, she is not my "friend", FB or otherwise.

I love that quote! Tell your T thank you. I totally agree with the friend-status thing--months after we were apart I was finally just like, this person is *not* my friend. yes i want to get to a place where i can be friendly, but no one who purposefully lies, smears and punishes is my "friend" no matter how long a r/s we may have had. I was the one who initially un-friended her on FB, and so glad i did this first. Also unfriended her family--but i loved them, i did this for me so that i wouldn't try to check in on her :-) But, i never blocked her--just didn't feel the need, I did the unfriending for my own detachment and, at least at the time, she wasn't doing any stalkerish activities. 6 months later of NC she calls me up and tries to start communication again... .all in all it was just 1 call, a few texts and/or messages on FB. We had very cordial communication which was healing for me, but I basically just ignored the last few texts she sent--a week or so later she had blocked me on FB,  . again i didn't care i'm sure she was trying to punish me or something for not replying to her, but it was completely silly b/c i was the one not contacting her there was no need to block (we already weren't friends b/c of me). or, maybe she got tired of FB stalking me and seeing picks of me and my current gf online  ?

Awesome. It sounds like you are doing very well at this point.

Yeah, I like what my T said. In another sense, I like to think of it that your friends are also a reflection of your character. Hers are ok... .but after a while I realized that even though they are long term, they aren't that "close". The three that are close friends to her all moved states away from each other. Her one childhood friend she does see and talk to now and then. But not that much. if my childhood friends lived in the same city as I did, we'd be seeing each other at least once a week. Not once every few months.

X is currently trying to live the party animal life, in-between being a good mom during the day. If those are her friends now (nothing wrong with partying, but all of the time with two babies at home?), then she can have them and they can have her. The college jock she hooked up with can have her, too. Idiots.

She has turned so far from who I am at my core (something they lack... .just The Empty inside, sad), that I am now thinking, more power to her!