50 and feeling 10

[tikiroom]

Hello,

I went to a therapist last year.

I calmly mentioned a few details of my mothers actions.

The therapist gently mentioned that my mother may have BPD and that her actions are not normal.

I actually stood up for my mother.

I then looked into the disorder and discovered that I have feelings and habits that are child like, destructive and unhealthy.

I have just opened a mountain of negative emotions that I usually keep locked away.

I feel very very unstable.

[Learning_curve74]

Hello tikiroom, I just wanted to say hello and welcome you to the community. 

You mentioned that you went to a therapist last year and then you started to look into BPD. Have you only recently started to have negative feelings or have you been struggling with these feelings for months now? Have you been seeing this therapist on a regular basis? If you don't mind me asking, how old is your mother and does she live with you?

You sound like you are struggling. Everybody struggles, tikiroom. For some perspective, you may want to read this: How a Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Her Children. We don't get to choose our parents, but when we are adults we can heal ourselves and also choose how we will interact with them.

Hang in there, tikiroom. Here is a hug for you because you deserve one. 

[sophiegirl]

Hi tikiroom! if its any consolation you will not be alone. after reading into BPD I recognised traits in myself I had developed and maintained from early childhood to protect myself from mothers emotional abuse. If you can recognise those traits then you are well on the path of working on them and becoming the person you'd really like to be. Glad you found this site and let us know how you get on!

[GeekyGirl]

Hi tikiroom and welcome! 

It's very understandable that you wanted to stand up for your mother. We all want healthy, loving parents, and it can be very painful when we learn that they may be disordered. 

What has happened since you met with this therapist and learned about your mother and yourself? Are you open to seeing this therapist or another one? It's a good way to take care of yourself and work on healing and growing.

How is your relationship with your mother now?

-GG

[Changingman]

I had to protect my baby's from my mothers crAzy. It started with... .I'm not going to call her by the name you have chosen for her, you should change it to xxxxxxx... .

I was astonished and said you won't be allowed in the house till you call her by her name. I kept that lite, but meant it... .She said that's a bit strong we might fall out over it.

That was day one of my daughters life. Amazing, she has had little serious contact with her and my son.

The mother of my children turned out to have uBPD as well, I guess when crAzy is normal around you, you can fall into trying to rescue mode. Replay old hurt and save them this time. A fool's errand.

I had no idea that BPD existed until I broke up with my exgf and tried to find out if alcohol was the cause of her emotional crAzy, discovered BPD relationship how it evolves and had matrix wake up moment. Then could see all the lies and distortion going back the years to my mother, this was so damaging to me emotionally I thought I might not survive. I'm pretty good now, still coming out of the sickness they infect you with but much better. How far does the rabbit hole go down. Find out

[chickadee]

Hi Tikiroom,

When my therapist told me that my mother might have a personality disorder, I didn't believe it at first.  We discussed the symptoms of BPD and I acknowledged that she had some symptoms, but not enough for a diagnosis.  A few years later, I met someone who had a mother with BPD.  We talked, and I realized that my therapist had been right and my mom does have it.  Perhaps my therapist didn't do a very good job in explaining BPD to me, or perhaps I just wasn't ready to accept it at the time, I don't know.  But suffice it to say that I'm not surprised at all that you defended your mom when it was suggested she might have BPD and I think your reaction was pretty normal.  You mentioned having feelings and habits that are destructive and unhealthy, well that's normal too, and it doesn't mean that you have a disorder yourself.  The fact that you acknowledge these things and discovered this message board is  evidence that you have a very good chance to improve yourself and your life.  This board really helped me a lot.  My mother has never been diagnosed with BPD (at least not that I know of), but I believe she does have it.  The effect her illness has had on my life has been profoundly negative and I even had to break all contact with her.  I wrote to her in 2007 and suggested she had BPD and asked her to get help.  I never heard from her again.  Here at bpdfamily they do not encourage us to confront a person about your suspicion that they have BPD, but I did that before I found this board.  Still, I'm not sorry I did it because my life really is better without her drama.  Keep reading and posting here on this board because you'll get lots of support and advice.  It really helps!