Sex=Intimacy for the pw BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was reading another post on here debating sex=intimacey for the ps BPD.

My ex and I have had several breakups over the last year, the last one being Weds.

In the past she would rage, dissapear and re-contact when I left her alone. This time she wants to be best friends and is responding although when she does she includes "we will never be a couple again".

Which is much different than in the past.

I still feel this is BPD even though she has not been formally diagnosed (as far as I know). She is still controlling the situation by saying, I want to see you so I won't be lonely, but don't think I am giving you more than that.

We were very sexual when we met. After this last break, the past four months we've had sex maybe once and she has complained about it, cried she missed our "intimacy" that I was not being vulnerable and letting go.

But herein lies the problem. Letting go, and being intimate... .and then getting dumped. Um, I put up walls.  So we have been in a non sexual relationship for about a year.  I wonder if her feelings of intimacy are actually stronger for me being our relationship is not based on sex?

[Pretty Woman]

I was reading another post on here debating sex=intimacey for the ps BPD.

My ex and I have had several breakups over the last year, the last one being Weds.

In the past she would rage, dissapear and re-contact when I left her alone. This time she wants to be best friends and is responding although when she does she includes "we will never be a couple again".

Which is much different than in the past.

I still feel this is BPD even though she has not been formally diagnosed (as far as I know). She is still controlling the situation by saying, I want to see you so I won't be lonely, but don't think I am giving you more than that.

We were very sexual when we met. After this last break, the past four months we've had sex maybe once and she has complained about it, cried she missed our "intimacy" that I was not being vulnerable and letting go.

But herein lies the problem. Letting go, and being intimate... .and then getting dumped. Um, I put up walls.  So we have been in a non sexual relationship for about a year.  I wonder if her feelings of intimacy are actually stronger for me being our relationship is not based on sex?

[modafinilguy]

Umm I have BPD and I care for people with BPD (yes its a nuthouse ).

I think, sure maybe she is one of these highly sexually needy BPD, but it probably she see's you as "wanting" her sexually as validation.

I myself am much more emotional than sexual. And many of the BPD women I know can be very sexual, but in most cases I would say their emotional needs are greater.

I would guess, to her, she see's you having sex with her, as desiring her, as wanting her.

I am not sure I got that right.

The reverse could also be true, if she has seen herself as generally a sex object to men, and you are not focused on that, then the relationship could be on a different level to her.

Complex.