A moment of cleansing

[thisyoungdad]

For a long time I had a picture of the two of us on our wedding day, printed off as a 5x7 and I had it tucked in the back of a book I had been reading last fall around this time. A wonderful personal growth book, that I would have read with or without our break up. So anyway I picked it up recently to read it again and this picture fell out. I forgot I had it still. I have the cd of the wedding pictures but this one is the only one I apparently had printed (or so I know about) and so for the past few weeks I have contemplated what to do with this. Looking at it was so bittersweet. Wonderful memories of that day, and a reminder that we had some wonderful times. So bitter though because of the pain it was for me to look at those two smiling people holding each other, and so happy. Even looking into her eyes in the picture she looks present and truly happy in that moment vs some other pictures. So it was really hard to have it but I couldn't seem to let it go.

Tonight I was home alone, my daughter with her, and I have a fire going because it is so cold and I suddenly got the thought I should burn it. So with my favorite country song on, I went and found it and sat in front of the fireplace and held it as it burned and then sat it down and watched it burn up... .and I felt sad, and I felt like someplace deep down I was free. I can't explain it. The pain is still real, but it was like really letting go of the marriage.

I didn't even cry. I had a small tear but that was all. I felt a heaviness for a brief moment. Now I am on the couch watching my movie again, and my fire died as soon as the picture burned which is odd. Anyway that picture was one of my very few tangible reminders of the relationship which I could look at whenever I wanted to. Everything else is packed away so far as I know. I am glad I waited to do that until I felt right about it.

[Reg]

Hi thisyoungdad,

You did the right thing on the right moment - I hear you !

No more memories in my home either.  Not that I don't have them anymore, they are part of my life, but everything is on an external hard disc on my puter.

We will always feel empathy for our loved ones, BPD or not, and there's nothing wrong with that.

The most important is to take care of your own person, in healing, in letting go and slowly moving on in life to a new horizon.

You're on the right path, continue the good work ! 

Reg