Silkroad
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Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 65
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« on: November 04, 2013, 05:43:25 PM » |
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I was so happy that my suspecting BPDh was getting stable for long. Always around October things change until January, but this year it lasted until Sat! Here its how its unfolded:
Went with 2 little children to spend a day and a half at the sea side, back in July. (he didnt go).Friend and husband hinted they would like to come and visit, so i agreed with h to have them for a night, even though they even said the would go for a b and b. My h actually saidf course, they can stay here!
they arrived sat night, after 8, me and h and kids were together at a church event, but let party earlier as things werent suitable for children (my very rare occasion of going out in the eve, maybe the only one in 3 months)
Friends were already at home. I spoke to them and they went to bed at 10. H arrived 1030, took sleeping bag and slept in our son's bedroom - we dont share the same bed, he normally sleeps in the couch downstairs.
when he arrived he tried to yell at me saying how a bad mum i am,(because our 4 years old was misbehaving at the party) that i was doing all these( i dont even remember what) just to show off to MY friends and so.
I looked him in the eye and said: dont talk to me like that and i dont want to hear you shouting. He said: ok, are you sure you are not going to hear me? i said : if you keep screaming, no. So, he left banging doors.
In the morning, he lef the house 730, before my friends were awake.
WE WENT TO THE SAME CHURCH WHERE HE IS THE ASSIST PASTOR.
so believe you or not, he went play the drums, taught Sunday school and didnt even look at my friends face.
I tried to get another friend to take my visitors to see his class(which is nicely decorated ) and eventually meet him, but he had already left .(in less than 10 min after the service was over)
I felt so embarassed that i had to explain to my friend my situation, i did say he had an emotional problem and we were struggling.
We went to a nice restaurant for lunch and were home after 4, where my friends just had coffee and travelled back.
I did it all with my 2 little children.
He got home after the evening service.
Never said a word. Never read my email( i sent him a long email before he fully ignored them for the whole time, still trying to encourage us to do things together, but saying i cant have him working in a church environment any longer to have him behaving like this and how i am going to keep old friends despite his behaviour, i like people, and want my children to be normal, as he said recently to me he doesnt like people, in one of the rearest occasion of a honest declaration)
The email is still unopened in his account (do you think he has read it but just trying to show me he doesnt care living it unread?)
He went to university today where he is doing his part time masters to change his careers - left 7 in the morning and came 8 in the evening.
Going to do the same tomorrow as i overheard him talking to people at house group (yes, we had housegroup today, as he left a message asking pls to contact the people and get it going) we normally have it but he organizes it all and does the talk. (But today someone else was doing the talk, so he didnt want to cancel it by not being here, but doesnt see my side , having to sort it all out by myself and host people, involvind cleaning the house, cooking, getting children to bed and so on.)
Anyway, I was feeling good having him in a 'normal' way for such a long period, but maybe now its time to face reality again. He was suffocating me a bit. So maybe now i will even have more time to read here.
Normally his silence treatment are long.
He has to book a trip for his course this week, to go to haiti in January. I think that is what is behind all the stress.
I think i dont even know if i like the life i lead with him, as i never experienced anything better or different. So it seems to be my fate.
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