done, finished, complete, door closed, no more court, I can now move on.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Property settlement was completed today. Property sold in September, after many delays and hearings the proceeds have been divided. This is it, I never have to deal with him again. He can never control me again, he can never abuse me again. I might always be afraid of him but he will NEVER control or hurt me again.

The jerk of judge made a very bad ruling. He gave me my down payment, the payments I made on the property after my N/BPD ex husband quite paying, gave me half of my expenses to bring the sewer & wells up to code, gave me half the electric bill then gave him all of the rest of the proceeds. We made a nice profit and he said that my ex gets the gain in the market because he was awarded the property in the divorce. Truth is he wanted the place and was told to get financing on the agreed price and he could have it. There was not intent to give it to him as part of the settlement.  I said fine.

My attorney asked for a moment and advised me not to take the grossly unfair ruling but to take the judge up on having an evidentry (sp) hearing so she could try to recoup some of my other expenses and make up for his bad ruling. I said NO, seal the deal. I am done, I want this finished, it is over. Afterwards my attorney said, it was probably a good idea to do this as this way he will see that he won and I will be safer in the future.

I am on cloud nine. I don't care how much money I have lost, thousands of dollars... .my life, no choice!

[coffee shop]

Property settlement was completed today. Property sold in September, after many delays and hearings the proceeds have been divided. This is it, I never have to deal with him again. He can never control me again, he can never abuse me again. I might always be afraid of him but he will NEVER control or hurt me again.

The jerk of judge made a very bad ruling. He gave me my down payment, the payments I made on the property after my N/BPD ex husband quite paying, gave me half of my expenses to bring the sewer & wells up to code, gave me half the electric bill then gave him all of the rest of the proceeds. We made a nice profit and he said that my ex gets the gain in the market because he was awarded the property in the divorce. Truth is he wanted the place and was told to get financing on the agreed price and he could have it. There was not intent to give it to him as part of the settlement.  I said fine.

My attorney asked for a moment and advised me not to take the grossly unfair ruling but to take the judge up on having an evidentry (sp) hearing so she could try to recoup some of my other expenses and make up for his bad ruling. I said NO, seal the deal. I am done, I want this finished, it is over. Afterwards my attorney said, it was probably a good idea to do this as this way he will see that he won and I will be safer in the future.

I am on cloud nine. I don't care how much money I have lost, thousands of dollars... .my life, no choice!

[Forestaken]

Congratulations.  I hope to join you soon.

[sanemom]

I bet you feel incredible now!  CONGRATS!  You can always get more money. 

[ForeverDad]

I agree, a bad ruling but very freeing.  As I recall the ex was not awarded the house, he was only awarded possession while the house was sold (or before that, refinanced).

It is what it is... .it's over.  Of course, be alert during the months ahead whether anything else pops up.

[YorksGuy]

Congratulations, the value of moving on and being able to get on with being you free of the poison is worth more than a financial loss. I just settled with my BPD ex and the deal is a long way from fair BUT I am free of her and her control, now I just have to find ways to better protect our daughter.

[coffee shop]

Thank to all here that support everyone.

Yes the ex was awarded possession not the house. We all know the money lost does not compare to my feelings of freedom from the continuous drain there has been on my emotions.

I am hopeful he feels the winner and will move on but I will be very cautious in the coming months. It is possible he will file a law suit or two but right now I think he will not want to risk his 'win' with this bad ruling. I will also be very careful about my safety in case he is on a high and thinks he won't get caught now if he does something physical again. I keep my revolver close and carry it between my garage and my apartment door.

I do feel incredible! I sob (tears of relief and joy) and then I laugh with joy and relief, I have a feeling that will go on for a few days. :-)

I plan to stick around and support all of you through the rest of your journey. I hope I can provide more support now that I this off my shoulders.

Thank you thank you! and the tears come again.

[Surnia]

Wow, coffee shop! A   for the the divorce and a big, big hug for all the feelings.

Let the tears come and go. 

[catnap]

I am so happy for you coffee shop!   

[livednlearned]

I was so happy to see your thread! Done, finished, complete, door closed, no more court. I can't wait until the day I can write that!

I wonder if your judge is a jerk, or very smart. Giving your ex a win may have kept you out of court. If he lost, that would've surely mean more law suits, no?

Let him gloat -- he's a loser 

Maybe he'll take his money and move far away.

I'm glad you have some peace in your life, coffeeshop. You deserve it. 

[AnotherPhoenix]

Congrats, Coffee Shop!

AnotherPheonix 

[ForeverDad]

Spoiler alert... .Don't count on ex to refrain from filing an appeal.

[casper324]

Forever Dad, think happy thoughts or maybe that he's exhausted his funds or Attorneys patience.  Then again because they have to win, they are an attorneys best client.  Coffee Shop, Good for you!  I am glad you are finding peace. 

[coffee shop]

forever dad, I hear you and of course know in the back of my mind that it is possible that he is so full of himself that he thinks he can win again/more. Just like I know that even though he won (in his mind, truth is I won because he is out of my life), I still carry my revolver to and from my garage etc.

Yes I will celebrate and continue to walk on cloud nine. I am moving on and he is still in his old rut of trying to intimidate others before they get him. I on the other hand will enjoy life, I will see the good in others, the good in all situations, I will empathize with others who are walking an uneasy journey, will empathize with others on journeys that lead to celebrations etc. He can't enjoy life, I can. I am the winner because he didn't bring me down to his level.

I will never look at another person and think they can get out of that bad situation if they really wanted to. I will always remind myself not to judge others and the life they are living. I have learned so very much. Yes some of it is about being more careful but I think the big lessons and the most important lessons are about not judging others and their situations.

Again thank you all and don't think I am leaving you behind, I am here to support you through all then next steps. I will be out of state taking care of a relative who is having surgery and I don't know if I will be online after the 12th of this month but I will be thinking of all of you.