things about me

[fakename]

i think part of the reason i enjoyed her affection so much is that i grew up without a lot of showing of love/affection. i guess that might have had an affect on me.

i also think it allowed me to not think i value myself enough, or love myself enough.

so when she came around, it felt great to give and receive the affection/love that i had so long wanted.

when i was treated poorly by her, maybe because of my past, i put up with it. cause i didnt love/value myself enough. because of that, i felt like i wouldnt receive her type of love/affection when times were good anywhere else. but i think that might have just been filling a void in me that i hadn't resolved.  to treat myself better because i do hold that much value.  i liked who i was around her in terms of being able to care for someone and treat someone so well. i didn't do that much as a child.  it's like me treated her well was an extension of me trying to treat myself well.

i learned treating myself well means recognizing when and why i should have boundaries and how important they are to me otherwise they cause grave effects in terms of destroying self-esteem, confidence and raising the rate of me questioning myself.

i also learned who i am depends on what i think of myself and what i do with myself and how i progress... .

the past is the past. i can do what i can to fix any of my issues, forgive myself and others during my childhood and opportunities present themselves for me to take the right forward steps to find the peace of mind i seek. 

life may be challenging, may throw tough decisions my way, may not be what i dreamed up as a kid - but life is good when i value myself and take forward steps... .

just wanted to share that

[GreenMango]

  getting to know yourself pays off.