Mom of 27 year olddaughter with BPD

[angela 33]

Hi, I've been looking for a place to talk to someone to get some advice on how to deal with my daughter. No one truly understands unless they're going through it!

I want to pull away and then I feel guilt! I am so worn out by this illness! I raised my 2 girls by myself since their father passed away when they were only 1 and 2 years old.

My younger one is the one I'll be talking about. She has been trough DBT on and off but she pretty much dismisses therapy. She married someone who is doing drugs ("Special K". She has been doing drugs on and off, mostly on for the past 11 years! In her mid to late teens she was hospitalized several times and was in and out of rehab. Always chose wrong friends and had to have a boyfriend, always, wrong kind of boys! Has no self esteem! She's been married for 10 months and is still coming to me for financial help. When I found out they've both been doing drugs I took away the car that I lease for her, and I give them nothing! They are struggling! My family and I will have nothing to do with her husband! It's very difficult. He is a nut job when on drugs. In the past 3 weeks I've had to go pick her up in the middle of the night. The first time he took her by the neck and dragged her in the house. The second time he left her in the street after being in the bar. Both times she goes back to him because he convinces her he loves her and that it was her fault. She threatens suicide and in the past she's taken pills and cuts herself. She's been hospitalized for it. Now she's under his control. What do I do?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[peaceplease]

angela 33,

.  I am glad you found us here at bpdfamily.  I am sorry that you have a need to be here.  I was so happy when I discovered that such a website existed.  It is a godsend to many of us here.

You mentioned that your (daughter) dd was in DBT.  Did you have DBT skills training for family member? 

I can imagine that it must be difficult for you to see your daughter married to someone that is controlling. My daughter, age 29, was in a similar relationship.  She is an addict in methadone treatment.

I know how rough it can be for a single mom.  I left my ex-husband when my daughter was 10 months old., and my son was 3.  I can understand the struggles.

When a child suffers from BPD, not only is the child unhappy and unhealthy, but often, so is everyone who loves them. This mental illness can severely affect everyone, creating drama and heartbreak, while also piling on the guilt and anxiety. The good news is that there are answers to these problems, and we are here to offer you the support and encouragement to help you find them. You'll see that there are things that can be done to stop making things worse and begin to make them better. A great place to start is with this set of resources: What can a parent do? We look forward to seeing you on the Parenting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD board and hope you join us in learning how to understand and communicate with our children better.

When you are ready, I hope you will join us on the parents board.

I look forward to seeing your future posts.

peaceplease