My Update

[strikeforce]

Well its been 5 weeks since I split up from my BPDgf. Going on 2 weeks NC. She still texts me regularly, and the last time she did she said her medication wasn't working and that she was having panic attacks and breakdowns. It took a lot to ignore that text.  

Most of what I had read and studied was online material before I came here.

Some people would say that they would grow out of BPD others would say it gets better as they get older. Others would say its gets worse.

I have also seen online and heard from healthcare professionals face to face that BPD is a myth and that its simply to give a doctor something to diagnose them with.

I was clearly confused, I didn't know what to think or do. Should I stay and hope she grows out of it? Or should I leave before It gets worse?

At times I would question if she really did have BPD or if she had been misdiagnosed.

Then I found this place. The support has been fantastic and just to read what others had been through or were going through was just what I needed to heal.

And reading what I have read I now understand that they:

DO NOT grow out of it.

DO NOT get any better as they get older.

And that therapy DOES NOT help the relationship/intimacy side.

It time to focus on ME now and not let crazy people into my life ever again. Its time to meet someone I deserve and someone who deserves me. Its time to be happy.  

[heartandwhole]

Its time to be happy.  

Really love these kinds of posts.  So far, what has been the most valuable thing you've learned about yourself?

Happy for you, strikeforce!  

[strikeforce]

Hey heartandwhole  

I have learned over the course of the last few months that I am a decent, caring, loving guy. That I deserve better than what I had had with my BPD ex.

I had a wonderful loving childhood with my parents and family.

It made me realize that it was self esteem issues that I had and still have today that is giving me bother. I have studied my childhood and there isn't anything there to say that I lacked love, very much the opposite.

I have a great family and friends group, but its my desire to find love that has got me into bad situations with crazy people in the past.

I have learned to love myself and not to look for love.

[strikeforce]

She's contacted again just now. A message with a load of kisses.

Hearts beating fast  

Why does she text me so much when others can go a long while and not hear anything?

[heartandwhole]

Never mind why, how are you doing? 

You've come a long way, strikeforce, and I say if your childhood ain't broke, don't try to fix it.  You've found some issues that you are working on now, and that is what matters.

Stay strong, we're here for you.

[strikeforce]

I didn't reply I got up and made some tea 

It doesn't usually bother me but the text tonight made me feel different than usual.