Pain is unbearable...

[Mazda]

Could I really have fallen in love with a lie?  Did I get engaged to something that didn't exist? Did I imagine a life with someone that wasn't real?

I just can't take the pai. Anymore.

[Waifed]

Mazda

It wasn't a lie.  Your feelings are true.  The person you were with just isn't capable of maintaining their feelings over a constant period of time.  You got caught up in the FOG like most others on here.  You almost can't take the pain, but you can.  You have to hang in there and live in the now.  Try to focus on right now and every time you think about that person force yourself to remember the bad that came along with those rare moments of "love".  You must also realize that you will get through this and will be a happier person once you come out on the other side.  If you don't have a therapist I would consider finding someone as quickly as possible.

[fromheeltoheal]

I can't say it better than our friend Conundrum said in another post:

"Calamity strikes, bewilderment, anger and rage clouds the soul. Because it is unfathomable, beyond the range of ordinary relational experiences. To experience the lightening metamorphosis of what appears to be sincere affection and love turn into detest, blame and hatred--is traumatic. To feel as your existence, conjoined with another, which mattered beyond all else to you personally--is being erased. Your imprint, undone, the futility of it all. This is trauma. And we have experienced it. And we will survive."

Yes, you can take it, you will make it, the darkness will eventually reveal a new dawn.  What if your borderline showed up in your life for a reason?  There were lessons it was time for you to learn, experiences that it was time to have, all of it to serve you?  It may be difficult to shift your focus right now, but do it anyway.  Imagine a bright future full of the evolved you, and focus on that image as you go through healing; sometimes all we can do is put one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, but have faith that image will show up, which it will.  Take care of you.

[Mazda]

I am convinced he has replaced me.  It is killing me inside.

[houseofswans]

I am convinced he has replaced me.  It is killing me inside.

I KNOW my ex has replaced me twice. And I know who they are.

I really do feel your pain, but take courage in the not knowing, if that makes sense... . 

[fromheeltoheal]

Could I really have fallen in love with a lie?  Did I get engaged to something that didn't exist? Did I imagine a life with someone that wasn't real?

I just can't take the pai. Anymore.

Yes, the hardest part for me was accepting that I was in an extremely close intimate relationship with someone with a serious mental illness.  That was a serious wake-up call, like what the hell?  Didn't make it hurt any less knowing that, made it worse initially.  But it's true.  And you didn't fall in live with a lie, you took one side of a split personality, the one that was mirroring the good in you, and then in turn projected your good onto it, and fell in love with that.  Mindfck I realize, but realize that what you actually fell in love with was YOU, as reflected back to you.  Take that in.

Learning about the clinical side of the disorder really helped me depersonalize what happened; it could have happened to anyone, or a wet mop for that matter, it's not about us.

So.  It's not about you, and if he is with someone else, remind yourself that they are in the idealization stage and you are in the the devaluation stage of the disorder; it's the flow-through system from hell, and there is plenty of pain awaiting the new victim.  Work hard and focusing away from him, stay strong, stay here, take care of you.