How I met my ex?

[zkirtz]

@undine well, how did you meet? I remember I thought it was romantic because I was singled out on a lovely day in the park one day. He came up spoke to me, laughed about my jokes and invited me over. Meanwhile, there were all sorts of clues I should have acted upon: weird not so good friends, strange humor, defensive attitude, there was this awkward feeling, i thought well I do not mind to get in contact with you if you are sure that this helps you out because who in earth would want to have contact with me? Did you miss that I am very ugly and stupid?

[goldylamont]

met mine while out with friends at a bar. i started talking to her and we really hit it off. but her friend was there and kind of looming around giving me the stink eye--this can be normal sometimes friends will hate so i wasn't too worried. but then i asked my ex in a joking manner, just being sarcastic and silly "why's your friend always looking at me so funny. who is that, your girlfriend?". and, my ex just stayed silent... .hah! well, we met up for drinks maybe a week later. she "claims" that she had just broken up with this girl... .that she wasn't really into women and mostly liked her as a friend.

so, we only met once after the initial meet. had a great date... then i never heard back from her. i would ask mutual friends if they'd see her, hoping to run into her again at some point but it just never happened. three years later she pops up at one of my shows. about a year after meeting her i added all the emails in my phone to an email list for my band; so she was getting our emails for three years i guess and finally showed up. i'd forgotten about her... .but then we hit it off and the rest is history.

[Aw511]

He was my boss. Used to flirt and joke with me incessantly but I shot him down. Then he turned into a complete dick... .Eventually fired me. I was always hurt because I had liked our relationship initially... .(DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR? Hindsight is a bhit.)

Hit me up a year later on FB... .Got sucked into the vortex and promptly spit out.

If there were awards for ignoring red flags I would win them all.

[havana]

I met her in high school. I spent 41 1/2 years with her until her death. She got real bad the last 6 years. Pretty much lost touch with reality the last 6 months.

[redbaron5]

Biggest, Earliest Redflag in the history of BPD family?  Stripper at the spearment Rhino Las Vegas.  4 Years later, greatest idealization stage in history of man, engagement rings, houses, cars, power struggle, lose of identity, other guys behind my back, awful... .

[Aw511]

Hang in there redbaron 

[RecycledNoMore]

My daughter and I had just moved to a small town, I was working at a fish factory, so was he but we we never introduced, he said later that hed been watching me for a long time  but was to shy to say hello because I was popular and had alot of male/ female friends, we met through a mutual friend, one week my daughter went to visit her grandparents and I was alone, our mutual friend invited me on a road trip, my ex came along ,he had no money first red flag,we got to talking he was very confident,and funny,he focused all his attention on me and I was flattered, a couple of days later,xmas eve, my mum rang me to tell me my dad had cancer, I was devastated, my ex became my world in just a few short days, I was never the same again.

[redbaron5]

I met her in high school. I spent 41 1/2 years with her until her death. She got real bad the last 6 years. Pretty much lost touch with reality the last 6 months.

You are a good man.

[Ironmanrises]

I met mine via a mutual friend... .

On Facebook.

That was the only person... .

That mutual friend introduced me to.

That pretty much says everything.

[ShadowDancer]

I met her in high school. I spent 41 1/2 years with her until her death. She got real bad the last 6 years. Pretty much lost touch with reality the last 6 months.

You are a good man.

I second that.

[oletimefeelin]

Biggest, Earliest Redflag in the history of BPD family?  Stripper at the spearment Rhino Las Vegas.  4 Years later, greatest idealization stage in history of man, engagement rings, houses, cars, power struggle, lose of identity, other guys behind my back, awful... .

Did you meet her at the strip club?

BTW, I met mine at a party.  She was the friend of a co-worker.

[ThanksForPlaying]

Biggest, Earliest Redflag in the history of BPD family?  Stripper at the spearment Rhino Las Vegas.  4 Years later, greatest idealization stage in history of man, engagement rings, houses, cars, power struggle, lose of identity, other guys behind my back, awful... .

Did you meet her at the strip club?

I met mine at a strip club.  She called me later that night and that started two years of idealization before the crazy started (okay if I'm being honest, the red flags started after about 3 months).

I absolutely believe the number of strippers with BPD is 50%+ - it's a perfect scene for BPDs.

[oletimefeelin]

Biggest, Earliest Redflag in the history of BPD family?  Stripper at the spearment Rhino Las Vegas.  4 Years later, greatest idealization stage in history of man, engagement rings, houses, cars, power struggle, lose of identity, other guys behind my back, awful... .

Did you meet her at the strip club?

I met mine at a strip club.  She called me later that night and that started two years of idealization before the crazy started (okay if I'm being honest, the red flags started after about 3 months).

I absolutely believe the number of strippers with BPD is 50%+ - it's a perfect scene for BPDs.

I only asked because of a recent experience at similar establishment in Las Vegas.  Met someone there soon after breaking up with my ex, the one who brought me here.  I saw her again recently, and I guess I didn't quite understand the whole picture the first time through.  I don't think she's borderline, but there's some self-esteem stuff there that makes things hard. 

First time through, this person made me forget about my ex which was invaluable.  Second time through, she made me realize that I am seeking out unavailable women to keep from having to get close to someone lest I be wounded again.   

[redbaron5]

Biggest, Earliest Redflag in the history of BPD family?  Stripper at the spearment Rhino Las Vegas.  4 Years later, greatest idealization stage in history of man, engagement rings, houses, cars, power struggle, lose of identity, other guys behind my back, awful... .

Did you meet her at the strip club?

I met mine at a strip club.  She called me later that night and that started two years of idealization before the crazy started (okay if I'm being honest, the red flags started after about 3 months).

I absolutely believe the number of strippers with BPD is 50%+ - it's a perfect scene for BPDs.

I only asked because of a recent experience at similar establishment in Las Vegas.  Met someone there soon after breaking up with my ex, the one who brought me here.  I saw her again recently, and I guess I didn't quite understand the whole picture the first time through.  I don't think she's borderline, but there's some self-esteem stuff there that makes things hard. 

First time through, this person made me forget about my ex which was invaluable.  Second time through, she made me realize that I am seeking out unavailable women to keep from having to get close to someone lest I be wounded again.   

Yes I met her at the Rhino, She was working, she was BEAUTIFUL, the prettiest girl in the club by far. I gave her 20 dollars and ended up talking to her for 8 hours that night, got her to go out with me next week, laughed her out of her pants and the rest is history. Hands down the funniest woman I had ever met, Within weeks we were taking midnight trips to Disneyland with an hours notice. She told me after a month she had to stop dancing because "she was falling in love with me and can't dance for other guys"

I thought It was adorable at the time, but now i recognize it has a BPD flag. 4 years later I am a shell of my former self.  I honestly think I might have had the highest idealization stage in history. Its a long fall to the bottom.

[oletimefeelin]

Yes I met her at the Rhino, She was working, she was BEAUTIFUL, the prettiest girl in the club by far. I gave her 20 dollars and ended up talking to her for 8 hours that night, got her to go out with me next week, laughed her out of her pants and the rest is history. Hands down the funniest woman I had ever met, Within weeks we were taking midnight trips to Disneyland with an hours notice. She told me after a month she had to stop dancing because "she was falling in love with me and can't dance for other guys"

I thought It was adorable at the time, but now i recognize it has a BPD flag. 4 years later I am a shell of my former self.  I honestly think I might have had the highest idealization stage in history. Its a long fall to the bottom.

Try to give yourself a break.  I can only imagine what that ride is like with a woman in that profession.  Sounds like there was at least some fun involved followed by a brutal fall.  It'll be important for you to remember you still are that guy worthy of being idealized.  The work will be in trying to build yourself up to the point where you don't need that as much as you once did.  I felt like a shell at one time, too.  Now not so much.  It's a process. 

[allweareisallweare]

Well ... .got a (1) new message on Facebook - it was her, she was coming to my home town from elsewhere in Europe soon - but we had mutual interests blah blah blah - she came to my home town, and that was the spark ... .five and a half years before the burn-out... .

[Turkish]

I met mine doing community volunteering. In the back of my mind was to find a wife who shared similar values as I did. I quickly determined that the single women there, of varying ages, had some types of issues. I had some issues, but I am not disordered. Given the nature of the service, as we were encouraged to be open about our feelings and experiences, I confirmed this. I later met her, my first impression of her across the room (the very first) was that she was guarded and untrusting. But hey, she was very pretty! So I approached her and started engaging. Dumb me... .but we have awesome little kids, so this is life.

[Juno]

Met mine in high school. She was my Science teacher. I was a senior and she told me at the time she was 28. (Just found out this year she was 34) It started very innocently. The last day of school she asked to sign my yearbook. After she signed it she gave me her phone number and asked me to visit her that week. She was married with two kids and I thought it was just a friendship thing. After my visit she asked me to continue to visit her. We would talk for hours. Then she asked me to meet her at various landmarks in our community at sunset. Then she started to hold my hand. When it became apparent I was very nervous about the hand holding she told me she just considered me a friend. She went on to explain in her world it was completely normal to hold a friends hand. We continued to meet and then she progressed from hand holding to kissing my neck. After that the affair was on for two years. I tried many times to break up, but she refused to let me go. Its been extremely dysfunctional and I seriously doubt she will ever truly move on with her life. Looking back now, I wonder if my graduating high school was an abandonment issue for her and that's why she invited me over to her house?

[Love Is Not Enough]

He was my boss. Used to flirt and joke with me incessantly but I shot him down. Then he turned into a complete dick... .Eventually fired me. I was always hurt because I had liked our relationship initially... .(DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR? Hindsight is a bhit.)

Hit me up a year later on FB... .Got sucked into the vortex and promptly spit out.

If there were awards for ignoring red flags I would win them all.

I was the boss. I can't believe I fell for her lies. Red flags EVERYWHERE! I'm just happy she is not working for me anymore. That was a nightmare all in itself. You just don't know.

[zkirtz]

This is all so interesting! Lovely stories. Thank you for sharing.

"mutual interests blah blah blah -  "

makes me very curious to what this blah blah is about.

likewise... .

"Hands down the funniest woman I had ever met, Within weeks we were taking midnight trips to Disneyland with an hours notice." What must ever have happened between those weeks? Or indeed years... .

"I met her in high school. I spent 41 1/2 years with her until her death."

This one was one particularly recognizable.

" he said later that hed been watching me for a long time  but was to shy to say hello because I was popular "

and this

"he focused all his attention on me and I was flattered"

that is exactly what should not have happened.

I guess its much like what I experienced, someone comes up to you, says yes me too, oh me too, oh totally me too, do you want a beer? I never thought I would meet someone like you, with your great sense of humour, you are very intelligent, do you want another drink? I am so happy I have met you. I just cannot believe I met someone like me. Let´s go somewhere quiet`.

And there we go.

We're just fools for  

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFvTVQObI5I

[zkirtz]

and yes hindsight is a cruel wench 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqkI691dxNg

[Changingman]

Biggest, Earliest Redflag in the history of BPD family?  Stripper at the spearment Rhino Las Vegas.  4 Years later, greatest idealization stage in history of man, engagement rings, houses, cars, power struggle, lose of identity, other guys behind my back, awful... .

Yes I met her at the Rhino, She was working, she was BEAUTIFUL, the prettiest girl in the club by far. I gave her 20 dollars and ended up talking to her for 8 hours that night, got her to go out with me next week, laughed her out of her pants and the rest is history. Hands down the funniest woman I had ever met, Within weeks we were taking midnight trips to Disneyland with an hours notice. She told me after a month she had to stop dancing because "she was falling in love with me and can't dance for other guys"

I thought It was adorable at the time, but now i recognize it has a BPD flag. 4 years later I am a shell of my former self.  I honestly think I might have had the highest idealization stage in history. Its a long fall to the bottom. [/quote]
We have gotta laugh at ourselves sometimes, this is gold Red Baron5. I'm so the same, hey they are human beings with real feelings. You made me remember that I was bit on by a high class hooker for sex, come to the toilet with me, come home with me she said, and a stripper tried to start a relationship with me. I've never been with a hooker and have rarely gone to strip clubs. But I wonder if they had BPD and I'm such a hook for them.

I just had a 4 year with uBPDxgf and I'm still dazed 4 months out. A lot better but still damaged. Is BPD the hooker/pornstar syndrome in some?

I took the whole RS seriously but she was in another galaxy. She could look amazing, but was always involving some sort of S*** stuff into our RS. Triangulation etc it was like think of the worst decision you could make in any situation... .that's what she'd do. Always messy, chaos making s*** . Thankfully she is gone.

[RecycledNoMore]

Lol zaz, now, just fools I am happy about one thing, if I hadnt have gone through all this with the uBPDx , I would never have recognised my fixer/ co dependant qualities or developed the ability to spot a BPD type, Im hyper vigilant now, not sure if thats a good thing,, but its better than the giant pair of " rose coloured glasses" I used to drag around with me, hopefully in time ill find balance... .