Thank you both for your thoughtful responses.
Sitara - I think yes, a part of me does not want her to pull the same sort of crap she pulled with me for years. But I think what it really boils down to is that I fear she will 'turn' him in the same ways she has many other people under her 'spell.' Deep down I know that won't happen and that my husband loves me and sees how she is, but it is a part of my low self-esteem.
And to respond to your comments about your mom loving your husband when you first started dating - I haven't had that experience. However, she tends to get all of her validation from men and has all of her life, if that makes sense. She likes to be desired - has 'daddy issues'. She knows though now that she's shown her true colors to my husband and she I'm sure knows that I've told him all kinds of stories about my childhood, that she is unable get that from him. One example of a way she disrespects him is by calling him my former fiance's name - even though we've been married for 4 years now. I don't think she does this by accident, and she knows it really gets under my skin (or it did - I have learned not to react to it). And I'm sure it gets under my husband's skin as well but he gets that she has an illness and ignores it.
GeekyGirl - thank you for your comments. I do feel threatened, but in such a way that it threatens my 'safe zone.' She has always betrayed me and can't be trusted - I think I just react that she will try to lure my husband into revealing something about me (I have limited contact with her and do not share anything about my life except for superficial things). I know he wouldn't do that but I get anxious because she is very manipulative. So after discussing it with my husband we agreed that he'd respond politely but succinctly. He would not engage her. That made me feel tons better.
As far as what I can do to make contact with my mom less stressful... .until I get to a place where I am strong enough that she can't trigger such reactions in me, I guess I need to continue to limit contact. Any suggestions are most welcome. I really feel so lucky to have these boards and you all to talk about this stuff.
