Does Anyone Ever Get an Empty Feeling in Their Stomach?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I occasionally get this emptiness in my stomach and I all of the sudden loose all my self esteem / self worth / self confidence.  It happened to me today in a meeting.  I have been doing my job for 19 years and when it hit me today I felt like I didn't deserve to be in the meeting and was terrified to answer questions.  I own the damn company!  Every time this happens I almost immediately begin ruminating about her and start feeling like anything that I do is empty and could be immediately fixed if she were to appear.  This is after 3 months!  Disclaimer:  I am improving exponentially but crap like this keeps popping up (less and less though). 

I hate to post that I am still having issues after 3 months because I don't like to discourage the folks that are just starting out on their final (but extended) ride on the BPD roller coaster.  It gets better guys.  Three months seems like a long time but it has gone by pretty fast.

[Waifed]

I occasionally get this emptiness in my stomach and I all of the sudden loose all my self esteem / self worth / self confidence.  It happened to me today in a meeting.  I have been doing my job for 19 years and when it hit me today I felt like I didn't deserve to be in the meeting and was terrified to answer questions.  I own the damn company!  Every time this happens I almost immediately begin ruminating about her and start feeling like anything that I do is empty and could be immediately fixed if she were to appear.  This is after 3 months!  Disclaimer:  I am improving exponentially but crap like this keeps popping up (less and less though). 

I hate to post that I am still having issues after 3 months because I don't like to discourage the folks that are just starting out on their final (but extended) ride on the BPD roller coaster.  It gets better guys.  Three months seems like a long time but it has gone by pretty fast.

[Nicky2001]

I feel exactly the same. Things seem so much harder when hes left. Even though I do it all by myself anyway. Kids. Work. Pay the bills. I just get the same empty feeling in the pit of my stkmach n feel worthless. I had been with him 12 yr and every sept for the last 6-7yr hes left n came back after christmas. N every time I get the same feeling. N tbh it only goes when hes home. It seems to get better then he comes back and the cycle starts again. I feel for u I really do. But I know I keep putting myself thru this n probably still would if he turned up home again. N that makes me feel even lower. Its like the only think to make it better would be him cominv back. Until hes here n am reliving the ladt 7 yr again.  xx

[Waifed]

Even though it would feel better I will not ever consider taking mine back. I guarantee you I am 100% sure of that 99% of the time 

[bruisedbattered]

ah yes...   empty... .   since I met my xBPDgf Ive lost 30llbs,   im going to write a new diet book,  title ":)ate BPD"  guaranteed to take your appetite away!

[Turkish]

ah yes...   empty... .   since I met my xBPDgf Ive lost 30llbs,   im going to write a new diet book,  title ":)ate BPD"  guaranteed to take your appetite away!

I lost 25 lbs in less than three months. Calories in, calories burned. Not eating is a pretty good diet (though unhealthy). I feel like I've taken on her borderline eating disorder (no pun intended, though it fits!).

The physiological effects I am pretty much past now, though I had all of this in the beginning. I didn't really lose my self-esteem at work (then again, I don't own a company, nor am in management), but 2.5 months going after I found out about her affair, and I still find it hard to concentrate on work. Not good, but slowly getting better.

[bruisedbattered]

for me it was 30llbs in 2 months.   I think im suffering from ptsd as she raged and physically attacked me in public which resulted with her being strapped/restrained in an ambulance taken to hospital... .   I even gave her a 2nd chance after that... .  im an idiot. 

[ShadowDancer]

Mine was more than an empty feeling... .it was a hole. For about six months a Mack Truck could drive thru it was so big. But now... .it's only my belly button.

[ShadowDancer]

for me it was 30llbs in 2 months.   I think im suffering from ptsd as she raged and physically attacked me in public which resulted with her being strapped/restrained in an ambulance taken to hospital... . 

Dayum Dude!

[Waifed]

ah yes...  empty... .  since I met my xBPDgf Ive lost 30llbs,   im going to write a new diet book,  title ":)ate BPD"  guaranteed to take your appetite away!

LMFAO... .its good to laugh.  Thanks.  I have only lost 17 lbs.  Maybe that is natures way of getting us ready for the next relationship  

[ShadowDancer]

ah yes...  empty... .  since I met my xBPDgf Ive lost 30llbs,   im going to write a new diet book,  title ":)ate BPD"  guaranteed to take your appetite away!

Or ":)ate BPD Diet" guaranteed to reduce you in more ways than one.

Or the "BPD Strip Club". You'll pay for a stripping you'll never forget. In hot pink neon of course.

Or "BPD Psychological Services". Come in happy and you will leave screaming.

Or "BPD Buffet". Come in hungry and leave starving.

Or "BPD Health Clinic" come in healthy leave sicker than a dog.

So many BPDs... .so little time.  

Oops there I go off topic again.

[Calm Waters]

its called depression, I have had it all my life but inly recognised it as such when my BPD ex tried suicide then dumped me. I have learned not to fight it which helps immensely having fought it for 40 years. Recognising the feelings and trying to find the root of them but not fighting them is what I have learned and I'm still here

[patientandclear]

ah yes...   empty... .   since I met my xBPDgf Ive lost 30llbs,   im going to write a new diet book,  title ":)ate BPD"  guaranteed to take your appetite away!

Oh, yes. The PD expartner diet. I lost so much weight it was scary.  It's intense how common this is.

[toomanytears]

I have to say that the best (if that's the right word) thing about this whole agonising experience is that I've been able to eat cake for breakfast and actually lose weight.  I've been indulging myself in this way every day for three months. Admitedly I'm getting a bit sick of such a poor diet (aged 56 and I've developed a spot on my chin for the first time in years!) and am now back on yoghurt. A friend who's been through the same thing with a BPDh (now ex) said she knew she was in recovery when the pounds started to pile on again. 

[peas]

I've wondered that too, TooManyTears, that when I get my appetite back whether it's a sign that I'm on the road to recovery.

I've lost about 10 lbs since breakup five months ago (four months NC). I eat one meal a day because I'm not that hungry. Unfortunately, I've upped the cigarette smoking. So hopefully when my depression lifts I'll eat more and smoke less.

As for the empty feeling in my stomach? It's more an empty feeling in my heart. I drive around town feeling nothing but pain. It's a dull pain and I can't shake it. Just plain misery I guess. Awful. It doesn't help that my breakup with BPD guy coincided with me having moved to a new city for work, so I am away from the familiar surroundings and support group of friends in my last town. I'm terribly homesick and heartbroken at the same time. I can easily say this is the worst I have ever felt in my life.

[love4meNOTu]

Ah yes... .the empty place where feelings go to die.  

It's turned into an ulcer for me. Nothing serious, my doc says it will heal in the next few weeks. For the first time in my life I don't have an appetite at all, because it plain just hurts to eat anything.

I've lost 20 pounds in six months. I feel pretty good physically, and it's nice to have my clothes fitting properly again.

My therapist suggested that all the months I swallowed my fear, my anger and my voice during my ex husband's rages settled in my guts. I was so afraid the last couple of months that he would drive my children away (he was just scary to be in the same room with) that I just withdrew from everything. I felt paralyzed, like I couldn't open my mouth if I wanted to.

Now I'm dealing with the aftermath. But, I know I have to get through this in order to grieve properly for the man and the marriage I loved.

My best friend suggested when I felt that empty "hole" inside of me, to tell myself (picture myself as a little girl in my head) "I love you, you've done nothing wrong. You are the love of my life."

I know it sounds silly, but it does help me.

Blessings.

love4

[snappafcw]

I can relate. I am very popular in my job in the entertainment industry and I worked hard for it but at times i feel undeserving/like a fraud. It is definitely depression be kind to yourself being abandoned will take a battering on your spirit.

[toomanytears]

Hi peas

Yes I've upped my cig smoking and that is an appetite depressant. I don't really want to smoke, but it does help somehow. I'm ignoring the health issue thing for now.  I will stop.  In fact I have days when I don't smoke or crave it.

I absolutely empathise with your feelings atm. It must be so tough being in a new city too. When my BPDh left me (nearly 3 months ago) it was on the same day as my son went away to college abroad. A double whammy and the pain was excruciating. Then my daughter didn't come to visit me for another 4 weeks. I think she just couldn't handle it.  I felt so adrift - but I did have lots of amazing friends who rallied round and that was such a help But even so, I wept and wept tears of gut wrenching grief. I've now been visit my son with my daughter in his University town (Leiden in the NL). It has made such a difference to how I feel - we didn't talk much about what has happened but they were very supportive and I feel like a mum again at last. The emptiness I felt was in large part me missing them at such a crucial time.

Back to you peas: What's the city like you are staying in? Do you have time to do any evening classes? I've started Zumba at the local gym (which might not be everyone's cup of tea). It's good for me because you have to concentrate so hard it makes you think about the now, not the past not the future. And it's with other people. I don't know any of them but we all have fun. So that's one hour I don't have to think about my BPDh.

Also, can you skype friends and family back home or pop back for a visit?

Thinking of you 

[peas]

I absolutely empathise with your feelings atm. It must be so tough being in a new city too. When my BPDh left me (nearly 3 months ago) it was on the same day as my son went away to college abroad. A double whammy and the pain was excruciating.

You know, the pwBPD simply cannot recognize or respect timing -- so selfish to leave right when your son is also leaving. These people are maddening. Yes, it's a double whammy and they are oblivious. It sounds like you got through it. It's good you reconnected with your kids. I'm sure they brought some of the life back into you.

I visit my last city once a month and reconnect with friends there. It's great. Although it's a little sad because my uBPDex is not part of the visit -- I used to stay with him on weekend trips there. But that is getting easier. My plan is to save money at my new job out of town so I can eventually return to my city. That's my goal and it's one of the bright spots in my life. Even though my job removed me from my city, at least it pays well and it will allow me to return on better financial footing. 

Like you, I'm not a regular smoker and I hope to get to a point where the smoking just stops or I cut way down and have one only with cocktails.

[Juno]

Waifed-thanks for sharing. I feel for all of you out there that are fighting this battle. I can't imagine trying to leave a BPD relationship while your still emotionally attached to that person. That's got to be really hard to do. My situation is much different and I have absolutely no love for my ex. I feel sorry for her some days. Then I remember all the bs that she has done to me and it makes me angry. This makes it much easier for me to cope with. I do have empty feelings in my stomach as well. It's the result of knowing my ex is extremely sick and wondering how crazy she might get. She has always tried to keep me in her life one way or the other. As she gets older I'm realizing how desperate she might be. What worries me is when age meets reality and abandonment is no longer a fictitious thought. I worry how desperate she will become to confront this new reality? I'm thinking either a nervous breakdown or suicide. That eats at me, but I know I must maintain no contact.

Lucky for me my job takes me to some amazing places and I can escape for brief periods. Nothing better for the soul than taking a walk along the Irish Sea and trying to release the nightmares. I wish you luck my friend.

[Waifed]

Thanks Juno.  It is gut wrenching to think about the chaos our exes have yet to live out, but at the same time I have realized after several months that I need to be healthy and happy.  If they don't believe they need help there is nothing any of us can do.  I have decided to let it go and whatever happens to her is left up to fate.  It still hurts sometimes though.

[maxen]

so many themes on this thread. the weight loss, the empty feeling, being 50-something, the obliviousness to timing.

Every time this happens I almost immediately begin ruminating about her and start feeling like anything that I do is empty and could be immediately fixed if she were to appear.

the breadth of this feeling is amazing. from the day she bolted until still now i feel as if everything i do is worthless. the magazines i read are silly, my teaching is a waste, my living conditions are embarrassing, my life will be a dead end. i'm looking for the validation of a person who, objectively, is a liar, adulterer, and coward, who has kept the door open just enough to lead me in my weaker moments (which is most of them) to think that if i wait, maybe she'll change her mind, and i won't be a loser anymore. yes i know there are personal issues here but i've had breakups that weren't like this (as many others have noted about the end of a BPD relationship).

Then I remember all the bs that she has done to me and it makes me angry. This makes it much easier for me to cope with.

and it's coming into my view that this will help get me over it. whatever within the marriage, the way she has acted these past 6 or so months has been so sordid and demeaning and unapologetic that i'm starting to feel contempt. in my clearer moments i think i'd be ashamed to have her back.

[samthewiss]

Dear Waifed.

Might i suggest that you are a hedonist. 

I don't mean hedonist in the running after pleasure kind of way.

Rather, you are a hedonist because you do not want to feel pain.

Pain sucks, loneliness sucks, having a wounded self image sucks.

And pain and sadness is part of being a normal healthy person.

So, first, congratulate yourself that you FEEL, your EXBPD cannot.

second, try looking back in your life to an old relationship that ended not in the way that you had hoped, it had pain too.

That yummy loving feeling you once had, that you miss so much, needs to be developed from within.

If you feel lonely, it is because you miss YOU. 

Please forgive me if this sounds like tough love. This message is as much more for me as it might be for you.

[Waifed]

Thanks for the comments Sam

I don't think anyone particularly likes to feel pain.  I do believe that I have felt my fair share of it over the past 3-1/2 years.  I also realized that I am lucky that I don't suffer from BPD, but at this point I could care less how those with BPD feel or don't feel.  I posted this topic yesterday and was feeling pretty horrible.  Twenty-four hours later I feel strong again and could care less if I ever see her again.  Same time tomorrow who knows how I will feel.  It is getting old and I am ready to move on.  I just wish my mind would join the party on a constant basis! 

Sam I also think you are right about missing myself, etc.  I do feel it coming back more often and if feels great.  I am thankful for my life and it is so unfortunate that the pwBPD have to endure such an inhumane life of insanity. I also believe that if they are too proud to seek help then they have no one to blame but themselves.  No more pity party from me. (based on how I feel this moment... .such a BPD characteristic   ). I guess I still have some projection issues.

[toomanytears]

Great thread. 

For me this recovery process is two steps forwards one step backwards.

I slip backwards when I make the mistake of  1. thinking too much 2. making contact.

2. usually follows 1.

This is inevitably followed by rejection. So, lesson learned.

Note to self, two beers and too many cigarettes later: you are still not healed enough to be alone with your own thoughts.

But I am still further on today than I was this time last week.

[Turkish]

Note to self, two beers and too many cigarettes later: you are still not healed enough to be alone with your own thoughts.

But I am still further on today than I was this time last week.

You, me, many of us here! Way too much beer for me, though, but I've been cutting back. And only on the weekend nights. I also use the time to talk to text friends for support. The smokes, I need to cut cold turkey soon.

Me personally? No more crying over it, really. Better now... .for now.

[peas]

Great thread. 

For me this recovery process is two steps forwards one step backwards.

I slip backwards when I make the mistake of  1. thinking too much 2. making contact.

2. usually follows 1.

This is inevitably followed by rejection. So, lesson learned.

Note to self, two beers and too many cigarettes later: you are still not healed enough to be alone with your own thoughts.

But I am still further on today than I was this time last week.

If you don't mind sharing, TooMany, how were you rejected? I am in that frame of mind right now, thinking too much and wanting to break contact with my ex, but I'm scared of a big rejection.

Have any of those attempts actually helped you? I feel like I need to get closer to closure and that contact -- no matter how it is received -- will help me get there. For what reason, I don't know. But I need a release from the NC tension.

[toomanytears]

Hi peas

Having avoided a meeting because I was too nervous, I changed my mind and texted to ask him to come over... .He said no he had now planned the evening and was going to cook with his new friends. What an idiot I was. But I got over it and figured that it was a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

However, today he sent six consecutive emails about a solicitor's letter he's had sent to me about separation proceedings. Not so cool after all.

[ShadowDancer]

Note to self, two beers and too many cigarettes later: you are still not healed enough to be alone with your own thoughts.

But I am still further on today than I was this time last week.

You, me, many of us here! Way too much beer for me, though, but I've been cutting back. And only on the weekend nights. I also use the time to talk to text friends for support. The smokes, I need to cut cold turkey soon.

Me personally? No more crying over it, really. Better now... .for now.

Me, over a year sober... .not one single brewski... .ah the gifts of the borderline! Life is GOOD!

[HarmKrakow]

Empty feeling everywhere, not just stomach. And even chronically now. I lost 20 kilo's (not sure how much that is in lbs/stones) in 4 weeks. Breakups of this kind can seriously alter the chemical wiring in your head and your hormonal levels lime cortisol (speaking from guy perspective.)

[Waifed]

The thing that really pisses me off is when I go a couple of days feeling really good, not thinking about her, accepting and forgiving her, thoughts of the good time waning, etc and then BAM... .two steps back for 3-4 days, depression kicks in and the whole time my mind is spinning constantly. I guess this is progress but damn, enough already.

I am also waking up in the morning with thoughts of the emotional abuse I went through. This just started 3 months after the breakup. I rarely think about the "good times" anymore, just the evil passive aggressiveness and silent treatment that I put up with like a fool. I am afraid I would very methodically verbally and passive aggressively tear her to shreds if I spoke to her today knowing now what makes a pwBPD tick and their vulnerabilities.