Ex blocked my number

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

This post is a follow up of my last... .

Ex and I have 50/50 of DD2. There were a few *very* simple issues that needed to be resolved, I stuck to the 'KISS' mantra . He replied back saying I was harassing him and to NEVER text him... .and blocked my number. I don't understand how he can not stand to co parent with me... .it isn't a choice.

To be honest , I am also so tired of being the bigger person... .I really am. I don't know if I can take 16 years of this. He is being so uncooperative. How can I document that he has blocked my number?

Is there even anything I can do in this situation?

[motherof1yearold]

This post is a follow up of my last... .

Ex and I have 50/50 of DD2. There were a few *very* simple issues that needed to be resolved, I stuck to the 'KISS' mantra . He replied back saying I was harassing him and to NEVER text him... .and blocked my number. I don't understand how he can not stand to co parent with me... .it isn't a choice.

To be honest , I am also so tired of being the bigger person... .I really am. I don't know if I can take 16 years of this. He is being so uncooperative. How can I document that he has blocked my number?

Is there even anything I can do in this situation?

[ForeverDad]

Keep documenting.

Alleging harassment is typical tactic to keep you off balance.  Him changing tactics could very well have been a response to recent changes and events in your lives.  If you've got other worries, he could be doing this just to add to your worries.  A normal person would not add to your problems, but we all know he's not normal.  He'd rather do like the old saying, strike while the iron is hot... . 

I don't know if I can take 16 years of this.

Oh, yes you can.  You already did.  You already have for 1.5 years and you're stronger now - and in a better parenting position - than you were before.

He is being so uncooperative.

Yeah, that's what our sort of ex-spouses {jerks} do.  It is what it is.  Sadly.  So focus on yourself and your child.  Let him be a jerk or whatever.

[livednlearned]

I don't understand how he can not stand to co parent with me... .it isn't a choice.

Is there even anything I can do in this situation?

Many of us (all?) eventually end up parallel parenting: www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201309/parallel-parenting-after-divorce

I feel for you. It has to be so much harder to do this when your child is young.  :'(

[david]

I didn't use text much so I blocked it on my cell. I only communicate through email. It's much easier for me to document everything. It also helps minimize contact. I've been doing this exclusively for three plus years now and it works well. If ex calls she knows to leave a voicemail because I will not answer it. I used to be accused of being physically, verbally, emotionally, and spiritually abusive. I am now only accused, in emails, of being emotionally abusive so I guess I am getting better.

[Matt]

Yeah, I think e-mail is best too.

I also think it's important to disengage as much as possible - minimize contact.

If the issue is something you can deal with by yourself, just do that.

Or... .send an e-mail stating what you are going to do, and don't ask for feedback.  That way, if he wants to respond in an appropriate way, great, but if not - if he doesn't respond at all, or if his response isn't constructive - you just go ahead and deal with whatever the issue is, without his help.  Like if he didn't exist.

That's why I don't think in terms of "co-parenting", or even "parallel parenting".  I just think I'm parenting - doing my best to understand the kids' needs, and meet them.

[Forestaken]

In many e-mail systems, there is an option that automatically sends an email when it is delivered. Another option is when it is read.

[Waddams]

Yeah, you can set up emails using Outlook so that they document it was received and sometimes even opened by the recipient.  I think it's not as functional when sending to web-based email though, such as gmail, hotmail, yahoomail, etc.

[Free One]

My lawyer told me to get documentation on things like this, I had to confront ex (via email) with the issue so I would basically have him admitting it. It is not easy to do, especially for me, without being confrontational. Maybe something like, "I haven't been able to reach you by phone. Is your phone working?" See what he says. You might have to be more direct and flat out ask him.

[Nope]

I would video tape myself calling three times from my cell phone and then calling once from a disposable phone. Have each call on speaker phone so the sound on the video can catch the messages.

We had a similar situation about a year and a half ago. Wish I had thought to do this then. But since we didn't the court decided that since he said his number was blocked and BPD mom said it wasn't that they just weren't going to do anything about it. We even wrote our L an email every time he tried to call and it was blocked. Over fifty emails total of contemporaneous testimony and the court didn't care. You need hard evidence any way you can get it.