Well, that was easy

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

After 3 days of being told over and over again that she will be moving out on Tues, my BPex comes home last night with her adult daughter to continue packing.  As I'm standing there, she abruptly confronts me... .as in stands up, turns around, and steps right up to me... .and bursts out "I told you last night I was moving out tomorrow".  I hadn't said a word.  I still didn’t say a word.  Of course she hadn’t said any such thing. 

Inside, I was like “Yippee! It couldn’t happen any faster!” and I should have offered to help pack.  BUT, I restrained myself.

Her 3y/o granddaughter was here also.  She has called me grandpa since she could say grandma, though I'm not blood.  The daughter has always been totally for it, since the paternal grandfather isn't participating.  But last night, whenever she called me grandpa, she was corrected with "that's M****".  So now they're inflicting this sheet on a 3y/o, when they could have just let it go, and the little girl would have eventually forgotten about me.

This morning I got up and showered, out the door about 8.30 for breakfast with my parents.  The BPex was sleeping on the couch, but now I’m betting she was just waiting for me to leave.  After breakfast, my folks and I swung by the apartment, and I was expecting to find her moving stuff out with some help.  Nope.  IT WAS DONE!  In just a couple of hours, including tearing down her over-bearing desk and computer, and she took the wall unit she didn’t even buy.  Oh well, you gotta take some loss to get out of this stuff, right?

My mom being a mom, she started cleaning up the kitchen stuff that got strewn around.  I went to the store to get a new dead bolt lock, and my dad went home to get some 1”x1/2” wood strips and a small saw.  MY apartment has 3 arcadia doors, so now there’s a drop bar for each sliding glass door.

I haven’t gone through the whole place, and it’s not like I had an inventory of my property anyway, so I don’t know how long it might be before I might realize something is missing.  Nothing has been obviously been damaged, but who knows when I might want to watch a particular DVD movie and find it’s been scratched up?  I’ve got about 600 or so discs.

What did surprise me, was that she didn’t leave her other cat.  Of course she took the kitten; that was as much to hurt me and I knew that would happen.  But the tortoise shell she had before we moved in together, she got from her brother.  The cat is needy as all hell, constantly demanding attention, and no matter what, only shuts up when she’s asleep or eating.  But my BPex only complains about the incessant meowing and pushing for attention, never pets or rubs her, and only gives her nightly treats in an attempt to shut her up.  The cat does cuddle with me, and I give her loving and a good combing once in a while.  I had figured with all the complaining she did about that cat, she would have left her with me and gotten her off her hands.  I would feel better for the cat if she had.  I think the BPex is going to dump her off on someone else or a shelter.

I anticipate the BPex to cycle down from her emotional arousal soon, and try to bargain with me to recycle the r/s, but on her terms of course.  She won’t like mine.  Oh, that’s right, I don’t have any terms.  It’s an absolute no.

[frag1911]

After 3 days of being told over and over again that she will be moving out on Tues, my BPex comes home last night with her adult daughter to continue packing.  As I'm standing there, she abruptly confronts me... .as in stands up, turns around, and steps right up to me... .and bursts out "I told you last night I was moving out tomorrow".  I hadn't said a word.  I still didn’t say a word.  Of course she hadn’t said any such thing. 

Inside, I was like “Yippee! It couldn’t happen any faster!” and I should have offered to help pack.  BUT, I restrained myself.

Her 3y/o granddaughter was here also.  She has called me grandpa since she could say grandma, though I'm not blood.  The daughter has always been totally for it, since the paternal grandfather isn't participating.  But last night, whenever she called me grandpa, she was corrected with "that's M****".  So now they're inflicting this sheet on a 3y/o, when they could have just let it go, and the little girl would have eventually forgotten about me.

This morning I got up and showered, out the door about 8.30 for breakfast with my parents.  The BPex was sleeping on the couch, but now I’m betting she was just waiting for me to leave.  After breakfast, my folks and I swung by the apartment, and I was expecting to find her moving stuff out with some help.  Nope.  IT WAS DONE!  In just a couple of hours, including tearing down her over-bearing desk and computer, and she took the wall unit she didn’t even buy.  Oh well, you gotta take some loss to get out of this stuff, right?

My mom being a mom, she started cleaning up the kitchen stuff that got strewn around.  I went to the store to get a new dead bolt lock, and my dad went home to get some 1”x1/2” wood strips and a small saw.  MY apartment has 3 arcadia doors, so now there’s a drop bar for each sliding glass door.

I haven’t gone through the whole place, and it’s not like I had an inventory of my property anyway, so I don’t know how long it might be before I might realize something is missing.  Nothing has been obviously been damaged, but who knows when I might want to watch a particular DVD movie and find it’s been scratched up?  I’ve got about 600 or so discs.

What did surprise me, was that she didn’t leave her other cat.  Of course she took the kitten; that was as much to hurt me and I knew that would happen.  But the tortoise shell she had before we moved in together, she got from her brother.  The cat is needy as all hell, constantly demanding attention, and no matter what, only shuts up when she’s asleep or eating.  But my BPex only complains about the incessant meowing and pushing for attention, never pets or rubs her, and only gives her nightly treats in an attempt to shut her up.  The cat does cuddle with me, and I give her loving and a good combing once in a while.  I had figured with all the complaining she did about that cat, she would have left her with me and gotten her off her hands.  I would feel better for the cat if she had.  I think the BPex is going to dump her off on someone else or a shelter.

I anticipate the BPex to cycle down from her emotional arousal soon, and try to bargain with me to recycle the r/s, but on her terms of course.  She won’t like mine.  Oh, that’s right, I don’t have any terms.  It’s an absolute no.

[heartandwhole]

frag1911,

I'm glad that moving day was relatively painless. You sound in a solid place, like you know what you want.  Congrats on sticking to your boundaries and taking care of yourself.  This is a new chapter for you, and you have a great attitude. 

It's also the end of an era, even though it was painful at times, and I wonder how you are feeling about that?

[frag1911]

Hey Heart and Whole, let's put it this way... .

Boom shaka laka boom shaka laka boom shaka laka BOOM!

After all the stuff I mentioned doing, and then posting about it here, and then talking to a couple of folks from my abuse support group... .

I then proceeded to rearrange the living room.  And then the bedroom.  And then the kitchen.  I've moved ALL of my clothes to the master closet (a lot were in the second bedroom closet, because she took up most of the master).  Next I will be rearranging the "office" (the second bedroom) so that I can use it for extra storage and stop paying for the storage unit I'm renting.

Yes, I've fully accepted that she is no longer here.  Since I'm a pretty independent and self-sufficient person, it's not like I'm going to miss her cooking or sparkling conversation.  I have homework to do, I have a BPD resource book to read.  I have a rowing machine I'm going to spend 45 minutes on.  After all of that, I will probably come back here, as well as IM some other friends on FB and yahoo.

Tonight I will be researching how to file in small claims court for the balance of the rent she is responsible for since she abandoned the lease, and figure out what other monies she owes me from supporting her butt even though she works full time.

[eeyore]

Tonight I will be researching how to file in small claims court for the balance of the rent she is responsible for since she abandoned the lease, and figure out what other monies she owes me from supporting her butt even though she works full time.

If affordable you might want to forgive the balance to move on.  Otherwise all you posted sounds great.  You should be proud of yourself for handling everything with dignity.

[Learning_curve74]

Hey frag1911, congratulations. 

I agree with eeyore that you might want to just cut your losses and forget about the money. It can be very frustrating to have to deal with cleaning up even more garbage.