It gets better

[Sango216]

Hi all!

The last couple of posts that I made were on the "Personal Inventory" board, but I think it would be more appropriate to post this one here.   

For those of you who feel as if the pain will never subside, I have good news….it does get better.  It has been almost 9 months since my relationship ended and I am feeling great.  The same will happen for you, so please don't give up. 

I am a firm believer that the more you distance yourself from that person, the more you will begin to see clearly.  I'm sure many of you have heard of the "fog" or "haze" that we seem to be stuck in as a result of our relationships with pwBPD.  We are blinded by it and it clouds our judgment, causing us to make decisions that lead us closer to pain and suffering.  I promise there is light at the end of this dismal tunnel.

By putting distance between you and your significant other, you allow yourself to heal, and you begin to see yourself change for the better.  Prior to my BPD relationship, I was working towards becoming a much stronger, level-headed person.  I was getting my emotions under control, and I was facing issues that I had swept under the rug for years.  During the relationship this took a turn for the worst, and when it ended I was left feeling absolutely crushed and hopeless.  My grades suffered, I got into trouble at work, and it made me mentally and physically ill.  After the relationship ended and time went on (and I got to the point where I was fed up with the person I had become), I started keeping myself busy.  It felt strange at first because I fell right back into my old ways (the good ones, at least).  I took my studies seriously, my grades improved, I made some new friends and I began to feel like my old self again.  It was almost as if I was getting reacquainted with the person I was before.  All of my problems have not vanished.  I have, however, resumed my path to mental and emotional health.  I may have taken a detour, but I found my way back to the path I was originally on.

Obviously this process is not easy, and it isn't quite the same for everyone.  We all heal in different ways, but you too will heal and move forward.  There's so much waiting for you at the other end of the tunnel.   

Thank you and good luck,

Sango 

[Findingmysong723]

Congrats on getting where you are today! Enjoy where your path takes you!

[Sango216]

Thank you Findingmysong! 

[Findingmysong723]

Welcome!

[Surnia]

Hi Sango

Congrats and thank you so much for sharing this. Really good news!

[Sango216]

Hi Surnia!

No problem.  I remember how tough it was in the beginning and how hopeless I felt. If there's anything I can do to alleviate that for other people, I'm happy to do so. Thank you for the support!

[Surnia]

Perhaps you can participate in this thread, it would be great. 

How we gained control of our lives.

[Sango216]

Surnia,

I just did.  Thanks for the head's up!  :D

[Surnia]

Thank you very much, Sango! 

[Trick1004]

Good for you Sango,

I pretty much echo everything you just posted. It's only been five months for me and while I still have a lot of work to do things are getting better for me. It can take awhile but you have to find your way out of the fog by cutting ties with the exBPD.

It's been three months since I've heard anything from my ex, woke up yesterday morning and saw she sent me a text at 3 in morning that she misses me.

I didn't and won't respond, but to an extent it made me feel a bit better. Clearly I'm still on her mind and things may not be working out for her as well as she thought. Oh well, that's her crap to deal with now and any desire I had to possibly reconnect is rapidly fading every day.

Trick

[Sango216]

Hi Trick1004!

Good for you!   What a strong and resilient person you are.  I'm glad you too have found your way out of the fog.

Hugs,

Sango