Harassment

[casper324]

I have a civil agreement with my (hopefully) soon to be ex.  As part of the agreement he is not to come to the property without notice and was supposed to come once to get material and equipment required for business.  He is not supposed to write me the nasty grams he does, both via text and e-mail,  he is not supposed to talk about me to others which he does and tells me about it in his love letters.  He is sabotaging me professionally making it difficult to earn an income.  When I had a TRO against him and he came to the house without the required notice , took things he was not supposed to including my dog, I went to the police with the TRO and they told me it was a personal property matter not a TRO issue.  (Huh?)

I'm sitting here trying to decide if I file harassment charges against him.  His e-mails are worded carefully and if a person didn't live with a BPD Narcissist  they may not see the e-mails as harassment.

This mornings love letter "I told Brad to just keep the commission from xxxxx and we will go forward. Your attorney does not know that if Johnny missed any part of college in a row that his support for school is null and void. Also support is only till he is 21 which he will be when this disaster is finally over. Very knowledgeable guy you got there. The blind leading the blind. Johnny does not want to even say hello to me when I was there? His loss. Close to saying goodbye to him too. He was there when you tried to set me up. He should know better. I went to him and told him you were an inch from my face telling me to hit you so you can call the police. Then I went back to him to tell him now she is going to burn pictures. He also knows you are an alcoholic. He chooses not to speak to me? see ya.    CHEERS "

I cannot talk to my divorce attorney about this, I can't afford to do so.  My last bill included hundreds of dollars for when he took the dog, would not provide me with a copy of my company's computer Hard Drive as agreed.  I still don't have the dog back nor do I have the copy of my hard drive so although my Attorney writes a letter and bills me for it, the narcissist is above the law and the letters mean nothing. 

When he talks about me setting him up the reality was he was waiting for my daughter and boyfriend to come home ( they were in the USA from Europe for a month over the summer) to continue his 3 day rant about how she is a disrespectful obese pig and even racist remarks to her boyfriend who is from Spain.  He verbally abused our daughter, tried to evict her by putting a stupid eviction letter on her door and was just being horrid.  Yes my behavior that night was horrible but I would do anything to deflect his anger back to me from one of my kids and he was just waiting for them to come home to start on her again. 

I don't want to be treated like crap or a baby for considering this harassment (this is a c&P from todays love letter, I get them at least 4 times a week).   I know civil orders have no real teeth but also don't know how much longer I can take his continued rants.  Anyone else deal with this and how?

[momtara]

You can post for free on avvo.com to get lawyers' ideas and advice.

If the dog is yours you can file a report saying it's theft.  If he's both of yours, I guess that is harder.

Harassment can be prosecuted as a crime, but you havce to first tell him the letters and calls are unwelcome, in some way.  If he doesn't stop, you can go to the cops.  However, he can just make the same claim against you.  It may not stand up, but you may have to fight it.

Going the criminal route may not be the way to go.  Going back to court to ask for a TRO would be better.  Then at least the judge hears what you're saying.  You can make it clear what you are seeking.  Maybe, that emails only concern the kids, or business, or whatever. 

[momtara]

Still might be a good idea to talk to a lawyer.  Find one who gives free consultations, don't mention you already have one.  At least you can get some ideas on the phone.

[Matt]

Do you know what court issued the civil order you're living under?  If you have a copy of it, you can take it back to that court, and ask how to file a motion for contempt - ask the court to find the other party in contempt of court for violating the order.

Make copies of any evidence you have, and attach them to the motion.  In the motion, describe each piece of evidence:  "Attachment A is Mr. Ex's letter dated 11/1/13 in which he acknowledges violating the court order.  Attachment B is his text dated 11/2/13 in which he issues a threat." etc.  Focus on items which clearly show violations of the civil order.

Ask for a meaningful but reasonable type of relief, such as a TRO, a fine, or even jail time if you can find out what is suitable under the circumstances.  Make it very clear what you are asking for - you can't just complain about his behavior, you have to propose some sensible relief.  Don't try to make your motion sound like a lawyer wrote it, just write it in clear, simple language, and state in it that you can't afford an attorney.

When I filed a motion, after my divorce was final, I didn't get what I asked for, because of a law I didn't know about.  The judge wrote a simple reply, stating that the law did not give him the power to do what I was asking.  It cost me nothing, took a few weeks to get a response, and I think if the law was on my side he would have granted my motion - he didn't argue anything I was saying, just pointed out that he had to act based on the law.  (I was asking for my arrest record to be sealed, since I had proved the accusations against me were false.)

So... .the worst that will happen is you won't get what you ask for.  More likely, you will get help of some kind.

[marbleloser]

What you're describing isn't technically harassment. Although it is harassing,authorities won't usually do anything without a threat involved and even then,it will need to be a bodily harm threat. Been there/done that.

What stopped my harassing communications was a letter from my attorney,to hers, stating basically, "My client has informed of harassing communications from "X". As you know,the standing order states that there is an injuction against any type of harassment. Your client is not to contact mine unless it directly involves the children and their welfare."

It doesn't work on everyone,but in my case a letter from the attorney worked great.