Knee-jerk reaction and more

[catsprt]

I started taking dance lessons, I am a novice and I like it. The other night, a woman started complaining vehemently that I was getting special attention (which is true but it not a situation where she is cheated).

The instructor/owner was able to respond with tact and diplomacy but I was still shaken to the ground.

Both my parents would often reproach us that our life was easy and rambled about their youth; I got most of the blunt with both parents, it was an excuse to rage, take things away or to mock us.

The other night, I wanted to hide and felt like I had been caught stealing. If I look at the barometer of my emotions, I am rather down. My challenge for the coming weeks or more will be to find my place and own it.

It is my birthday month and it is no coincidence. I have decided to not call my parents (divorced) for a while (I live abroad and I am usually the one calling). I am also done with the memories and most of the scars. I am planning for the "fake it until you make it" strategy. Although it is not so much a plan and more like the only way out. If I speak (public speaking), sing, dance, make art, (all these as a beginner) will I get somewhere? with the occasional knee-jerk reaction that is.

I know all this is about my perception of things. Am I missing something here?

[Suzn]

How exciting! Kudos on getting out there and trying new things. 

The other night, I wanted to hide and felt like I had been caught stealing.

Sorry this happened catsprt.   How did you cope with this in the moment?

My challenge for the coming weeks or more will be to find my place and own it.

This is an awesome goal!

[Cumulus]

Hi catsprt, an awful feeling, that we somehow took something that doesn't belong to us, I'm familiar with it as well. Have you been able to talk and reason yourself out of it? It sounds like you are taking up a lot of new activities at the same time, is there a reason for that?

The image I got in my mind when reading your post is the one of the dancer with the caption, Dance, like no one is watching. Hope you're dancing just that way.