It is getting better

[emily13]

Hi. I had been w/my dBPD/Bipolar BF for 6 1/2 years. During the first 6 months he and I were "soulmates" even though I hate the term. It was like "coming home"... .like we had known each other forever. We finished each other thoughts/statements more often than not. He swept me off my feet. We stayed up talking until dawn, night after night. I gave him my trust immediately. Stupid me.

Next came 6 years of hell. Compulsive lying, stealing from me, abusing me... .he had no job, was in and out of hospital, suicide threats and attempts, jail for harrassing an ex. I "saved" him from crisis after crisis.

Finally had enough during his most recent hospitalization.

Of course others wonder what took me so long. It took me what it took me. I cannot beat myself up.

So now NC. At first I managed 3 days and then responded to a vague suicide threat by texting 3 "little" words... .where-are-you. That's all it took for the floodgates to open again and I was bombarded with crazy emails, texts and voicemails. Sorry I asked.

Since then (2 weeks) I have not responded to any contact and the messages have let up.

I am SO enjoying the peace and quiet. Sometimes I miss him but I remind myself that he has nothing to offer me and what I am missing is the time spent 6 years ago.

[hurtbyboderline]

I feel a lot better. Although I still miss her, or maybe I miss what I wanted the relationship to be? I was in the relationship with my exBPDGF for a little over 4 years & have been NC for 49 days. I feel an enormous sense of freedom. I think I wasted 4 years of my life in a relationship that never changed although I keep trying to 'fix it' LOL... .I think the main thing is I've missed out on potential opportunities with others. In fact I know it. Even though I feel like contacting her I'm sure going to do my best to not do so. I've broken up with her before & once the contact started it was only a matter of time. Although now she's 1500 miles away so this could make a difference. In the past I've fallen for the "let's just be friends" thing or the "let's just have sex one more time"... . Stay strong!  zzz

[living in the past]

 Reading posts here today and ran across your story, i wanted to say my heart goes out to you,  i hope you are doing good, i am doing a little better, and i think a two year friendship with friend with BPD is coming to an end. i too am thinking of going to therapy, it seems a lot of people here start therapy. i would like to know how that is going for you, but really want to let you know that i appreaciate you posting here, like everyone else it gives me a clearer picture of what is going on, also i see you dealt with the drinking issue, i am in al-anon from a previous relationship,best wishes.

[heartandwhole]

emily13,

It takes a lot of strength to put your own need for peace and well being ahead of someone who is threatening to harm himself.  I commend you for understanding that you cannot save him.  It's very sad and I'm glad you are being gentle with yourself.

I hope you'll continue posting and sharing your story with us. 

heart

[Nicco]

Hello Emily13

Seems that this story about the "soulmate" is common in many of our stories... .sometimes i've the impression they all agree to common schemes that they decided tu use during a kind of "BPD secret metting" or something like that... .crazy :/

Anyway glad to read you're doing pretty well.

Even if i'm still painful after 2 months break up,like you i enjoyed the only good sensation this break up gave me... .suddenly after i was not forced to take care anymore about her i felt a kind of peace... .not a form of inner peace but the one consequent the fact that for the fisrt time after two years her moods,her personalities,our schizofrenic way to stay in touch on internet,fb,whatever... .were not my DIRECT problems anymore... .when we were together everyday i was worried and in anxiety... .i didn't knew what kind of person she would have been that day... ."how she feels today?she will be nice or grumpy?happy or depressed?lovely or cold?what can i do to keep her relaxed?what would be better to say or NOT to say to avoid problems and useless arguments?"

In that way,everyday... .now that she's gone i'm not happy,but don't be forced to be worried about how to "menage" her moods and our relationship 24h on 24h gave me a kind of "peace" from this point of view.

Hugs.