I suppose it's different for everyone, but I've struggled my whole life to feel loved. And during this idealization phase, I finally got what I needed, some perfect, undoubtable love. Because she amplified my self doubt, my co-dependency, the true colors of my ego rose to the surface and I became a non-person. Because I always try to understand things and have had to take a hard look at both of us in a more objective way. I can finally build a healthy ego, where I can be my own person and not a person that validates their existence through other peoples eyes (this is something both the BPD and the non-BPD have in common),
Hi SO, Personally speaking, if this had happened to me ten years before, I might be in more of a BPD "mode". But what you say is where I am at. The problem for my X and I was that I was already kind of at this point 90% by the time we met six years ago. She still sees herself through her roles in life (rather than how her core qualities and their relation to defining these roles and interacting with others). Since her core "quality" is emptiness, she will never be whole until that is healed. And will never have a mature relationship.
Have you read any of the articles on this site dealing with break-ups?
