Weird possible "other woman" moments

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

If you follow my posts, yesterday I confronted a friend about being the other woman.  My ex broke with me not even two weeks ago.  This woman told me she barely talks to my ex however her car was parked inn her overnight parking... .obviously she was there. 

I asked her to call me and she said she was not dating my ex and was not being dishonest with me.  The thing is she has been getting tangled in lies lately, all involving time spent with my ex (witnesses). 

So at my ex house on the phone she asks me if my ex were to come back would I take her and I said, maybe.  I don't know. 

Assuming she is with my ex that is a weird question to pose?

My ex who has blocked me from everything except email (something she has never done before) wants nothing to do with me.  Her fb pic is now happy... .from a roaring tiger. 

I am hoping this friend isn't lying but not sure why shed be spending the night.  She wants to hang out and have dinner Sunday.  I have no idea what to do.  My ex always said she thought this woman would be interested in her if we weren't together.  I feel heartbroken.

[Pretty Woman]

If you follow my posts, yesterday I confronted a friend about being the other woman.  My ex broke with me not even two weeks ago.  This woman told me she barely talks to my ex however her car was parked inn her overnight parking... .obviously she was there. 

I asked her to call me and she said she was not dating my ex and was not being dishonest with me.  The thing is she has been getting tangled in lies lately, all involving time spent with my ex (witnesses). 

So at my ex house on the phone she asks me if my ex were to come back would I take her and I said, maybe.  I don't know. 

Assuming she is with my ex that is a weird question to pose?

My ex who has blocked me from everything except email (something she has never done before) wants nothing to do with me.  Her fb pic is now happy... .from a roaring tiger. 

I am hoping this friend isn't lying but not sure why shed be spending the night.  She wants to hang out and have dinner Sunday.  I have no idea what to do.  My ex always said she thought this woman would be interested in her if we weren't together.  I feel heartbroken.

[Learning_curve74]

I'm sorry you're feeling so heartbroken, earth angel. It's hard, we've all visited that same place where we feel like humpty dumpty and nobody can put us back together again. 

So your friend who hung out overnight with your ex wants to hang out and have dinner Sunday? Do you feel like avoiding her because of what you've seen? Maybe she has been interested in your ex but is seeing some red flags or maybe she wants to clear the air with you. Even if you have suspicions about her motivations, it seems like face to face might be a good way to discuss things with her? What are you leaning towards?

[goldylamont]

earth angel i can only share my perception of what may be going on. none of these things are facts of course, but just what i would think from my experience and what i've read of others. it's likely that your ex is seducing or has already seduced your friend. and since you've already established that your ex is dishonest he/she (sorry i'm unsure of gender) is probably slandering and devaluing you to your friend. blocking you from all communication serves to allow this person to run away from any accountability, and to punish you. ending relationships with many pwBPD can often be open warfare where at best they will do anything in order feel better for about themselves, and they don't care or they purposefully will act in ways to inflict as much pain as they can to the person they are leaving (or who left them). sleeping with friends and acquaintances is actually quite common in these situations. probably since it's easy prey and also hurts you more.

one thing i would say to keep in perspective is that your friend is most likely being misled. being fed a story of victim-hood from your ex, while also being idealized and made to feel like she is special, while also slandering/devaluing you.

the toughest thing to figure out in this painful situation is how you can behave your best, even though i know how low it feels. while it's good advice to always take the "higher road" where you are at right now, it often just doesn't "feel" right--you want to slander your ex right back. break their stuff, tell the truth, etc. issue with this is that trying to explain the situation to people sometimes will make you seem like the crazy, abusive, negative person. proceed with caution and self-love 

i wouldn't recommend at all trying to change your friend's mind about the ex. if she is already spending the night over there then she's going to figure it out for herself. in my experience once the quicky rebound r/s is done serving the purpose of amusing the pwBPD whilst hurting you, this person gets discarded brutally. with your 'friend', who probably feels on top of the world and that she is helping, being supportive--i think the only thing you can do is calmly let her know that this isn't a situation that you are comfortable with and that you will need to take your space away from it. trust me, if you remain friends with this person, weeks/months later they will be coming back to you to tell you all the crazy isht you already know. they'll get the same treatment, or worse. i've had three people come back to me asking what was wrong with my ex but this took about 18 months or so to unravel.

that being said, you just have to express yourself, right? do it on these boards. find other friends that you really really trust that you can be open with to allow you to vent. do as much physical activity and relaxation as possible to work through the anger and allow the sadness to pass through.

you cannot change how this person may act or how hurtful they may try to be, however you can manage as best you can your behavior. what i did was imagined myself years in the future, looking at myself in the current situation, and imagining the best way for me to act. strive for perfection in this regard knowing that it's ok because you are going to mess up. know that you are a beautiful soul ok? you will get through this, just hang in there and make it easiest on yourself by trying your best to take out your pain and frustrations in constructive ways. my heart goes out to you! be strong love warrior! (ok, that was cheesy, admittedly, however perhaps somewhat appropriate  )

[Jbt857]

Earth Angel,

If your gut reaction is telling you that, it's probably right.

But as others have said, your friend will be being told a very skewed picture and you can't really do much to change it. I'd step away from them both if you can.

Stay strong - we are all here for you - keep us updated on how things unravel.

[Pretty Woman]

Well even weirder is while I am on the phone with this woman, who is in my exes house she asks me, "would you take her back if she wanted to get back together?"

Who does that?  She keeps texting me and all my friends checking in on us.  It is just weird to me.  One of her last texts to me was "maybe J will come back in a few months"


What?

I don't think she is an evil person.  Troubled with her own issues, yes.  So weird to me.