Anniversary reactions to No Contact

[larmieq]

It has been a year since my uBPD mom severed contact with me for not contacting her immediately and not thanking her well enough for my Christmas present (or more aptly, I did not sooth what ever wound she was feeling).  While I feel relief that this was her decision this time, I find myself having a tough time again and suspect it may be an anniversary reaction. I feel lost, overwhelmed by anyone who shows even the slightest behaviors reminiscent of her behaviors, weepy, questioning every reaction I have to regular daily events, and just generally out of sorts.

Wondering if anyone else has ever experienced this?

If so, what have you done to move though it?

[Marcia]

I always feel bad about the situation (NC), I do feel sorry for my BPD mom. But, I have also realized, after years of trying to overcome the illness, that contact with her doesn't make her any happier, and the rest of us my dhusband and adult kids pay the price in crazy scenes, guilt and recriminations, accusations and all kinds of unpleasant situations and behavior.

I have chosen to disengage, so that my family can be their happy, pleasant and undemanding selves. Somebody had to break the negative cycle, and I did it. But, it still is sad... .

[larmieq]

I have also realized, after years of trying to overcome the illness, that contact with her doesn't make her any happier, and the rest of us my dhusband and adult kids pay the price in crazy scenes, guilt and recriminations, accusations and all kinds of unpleasant situations and behavior.

Thanks Marcia, you have helped me put words to a thought/feeling I have not been able to express with words.  My contact with uBPD mom does not make her feel better, and makes my family feel bad.  Disengaging is  the only way to create a quality life for us.

I am feeling better as the time has moved past the anniversary. Over the last year, I have thrown myself into rereading Children of Borderline Mothers, Stop Walking on Egg Shells, began reading for the first time Surviving a Borderline Parent, reading/posting here and some spiritual reading.  However in doing so, I have withdrawn from friends.  So much of the messages I have pulled from my path over the past year is to let friends in.  I have tried this in the past and it has scared people away. So I have hesitated to try again. However, last week I contacted 2 friends and shared what has been going on in my extended family and received such support and caring and shock, I felt a release of much of the weight trying to go it alone had caused.