Janewhi
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Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 18
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« on: November 16, 2013, 06:02:08 AM » |
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Hi All,
I left my uBPD partner suddenly the end of July. From what I have read on here, it appears to be the usual drama and heartache. We were together a little less than a year and lived together only two months. A move to another city was involved, and two months later I have moved back home. I had to change my phone number the day after I moved (she cut me off her plan and cancelled my number), which turned out for the best. I never gave her my new number or told her where I am living or working now. So her only means of contacting me is email. She went to see a therapist for a while, and I strongly suspect she tried to find an instant relationship elsewhere and dropped out.
I have been seeing a therapist since I came home, and she is the one that suggested BPD. After my research, much of it on this site, I am fairly certain she has many traits, at the very least. I continue to see my therapist.
The ex alternated between being extremely nasty to I want you back. I nicely asked her to back off and give me some space since I had to find a job and get my life back in order. She said she would, but of course didn't. I told her the end of August and again in Sept. I had to go no contact indefinitely. Of course, this brought on a new round of nasty messages. Then she backed off for a while, then mostly just the nice I want you back, miss you and love you messages. I had not replied since I went no contact. Her last emails said she is so sorry for hurting me, she is committed to getting healthier and she knows what to do, and begs my forgiveness. She has been on the I want you back campaign for a few weeks.
Anyway, her sister sent me a facebook message two weeks ago asking me to text my ex because she was depressed, which resulted in a lengthy exchange with her sister. I ended up telling her I think her sister has BPD and she and her family should research the disorder and assist with getting the ex sustained and professional help. I'm not sure what the family did. I broke down and called the ex (and blocked my phone number) to ask how she is doing. She told me she is on a leave from work (her job IS her life, and she is highly functioning, so this is huge) and started in an outpatient program several hours a day each week for several weeks. I am not certain exactly what the program is for and I have no idea if she has been diagnosed. The call went well overall, and we both cried while talking and said we missed each other and still loved each other. It lasted 20 minutes. She sounded very determined to get healthier, and she tends to accomplish a lot of her goals.
I want to offer encouragement from a safe distance and be VERY careful about it. We agreed that I would call her once a week for now (and I said I cannot offer more than being a phone friend). If this ends up being a distraction for her from her current treatment, I will back off as needed/agreed.
Here are my questions for your advice and input:
1. I am going to continue to block my phone number when I call. What is a good response when she will ask why I am doing that, and why won't I give her my number? Of course we all know why I won't, until she has shown a lot of improvement, but how do I say this to her without being mean but keeping my boundaries firm? Any other advice for keeping my boundaries firm with her (what to say to her) is appreciated.
2. I would really like to know what her treatment plan is and if there is a diagnosis. I think she would probably tell me if I asked, but how does one go about that?
Thank you
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