Milestones & Healing

[Depression = 72% of members]

Last time I posted my divorce was final, a major milestone, which caused me to go through some terrible grieving.

Last week I moved into my own home after living with my sister for over a year and a half during the divorce process. Another milestone and although I am excited to have my own space I'm grieving all over again. The grieving is not as intense but still painful and confusing.

I have been trying so hard to heal from the devastation of this relationship. A couple of months ago I blocked calls from my ex-husband of 33 years because no matter the circumstance, each and every time we connected, it set me back.

This past week I unblocked his calls because as part of our marriage settlement agreement, I was allowed to get some items left at our house. Of course he was very controlling of the situation and communicating with him was very very unsettling to me. I had all those victim feelings again, sad, hurt, etc. but yet I also started missing him again.  I also have been reviewing my role in this relationship, taking on a lot of the responsibility which I was so good at during our marriage.

I scare myself.

[Awakecj]

Last time I posted my divorce was final, a major milestone, which caused me to go through some terrible grieving.

Last week I moved into my own home after living with my sister for over a year and a half during the divorce process. Another milestone and although I am excited to have my own space I'm grieving all over again. The grieving is not as intense but still painful and confusing.

I have been trying so hard to heal from the devastation of this relationship. A couple of months ago I blocked calls from my ex-husband of 33 years because no matter the circumstance, each and every time we connected, it set me back.

This past week I unblocked his calls because as part of our marriage settlement agreement, I was allowed to get some items left at our house. Of course he was very controlling of the situation and communicating with him was very very unsettling to me. I had all those victim feelings again, sad, hurt, etc. but yet I also started missing him again.  I also have been reviewing my role in this relationship, taking on a lot of the responsibility which I was so good at during our marriage.

I scare myself.

[Bananas]

Awake,

I scare myself too sometimes

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I do think your feelings are normal considering what you have been through.  33 years is so long, my relationship was not nearly that long but I can tell you that I feel a setback each time I connect with my ex.  (We work together).  I do feel things are getting better though. 

Something that you wrote, the grieving is not as intense, so that shows you are making progress and that is good.

Have you read this book?  The Betrayal Bond  It really helps me.  There are exercises in it, and I find myself going back and reviewing it a lot when I have these setbacks.   

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=77344.0

Hang in there, you will be in my thoughts!   

[Awakecj]

Thanks Bananas,

It helps to hear that what I'm experiencing may be considered normal because I'm not liking my thinking right now. So often I question my responses as well as past experience to the point where I wonder if all of this is me and he is not really that bad and that is unnerving. Isn't that the way I've been thinking for so long and why I endured the relationship for so long?

Crazy-making.

I can't imagine working with my ex but maybe the continual exposure can help lead to detachment, I don't know.

Thanks for the thoughts and book reference, I'll check it out