Being FB "Followed"... why?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi all,

Been NC with my exBPDbf since October of last year. He dumped me and I've gotten the Silent Treatment ever since. With the exception of a brief exchange in February over a financial matter. Which I initiated and to which he followed up with a FB message basically telling me not to contact him again.

Fine. I respected his wishes. Went on with my work of trying to heal. Checked out his FB page every so often (wrong, I know!) but found that happening less and less (yay!). Had finally reached a point where I basically felt not much of anything for him.  Then I wake up on a Sunday morning two weeks ago to see he's now "following" me on FB.  Why?  After a freaking year?  He hasn't done anything and I will ignore him if he does. I just don't understand the need to "follow" me yet stay in the shadows.

Thanks for letting me vent !

[lipstick]

Hi all,

Been NC with my exBPDbf since October of last year. He dumped me and I've gotten the Silent Treatment ever since. With the exception of a brief exchange in February over a financial matter. Which I initiated and to which he followed up with a FB message basically telling me not to contact him again.

Fine. I respected his wishes. Went on with my work of trying to heal. Checked out his FB page every so often (wrong, I know!) but found that happening less and less (yay!). Had finally reached a point where I basically felt not much of anything for him.  Then I wake up on a Sunday morning two weeks ago to see he's now "following" me on FB.  Why?  After a freaking year?  He hasn't done anything and I will ignore him if he does. I just don't understand the need to "follow" me yet stay in the shadows.

Thanks for letting me vent !

[Perfidy]

I agree... It's weird. Seems as though some people move on but don't really move on? The social networking thing really kind of sucks for those of us that really want to move on from bad relationships. Cell phones have a similar effect with picture messaging and texting. I remember a day when I could get kicked to the curb and just forget about it.

[Turkish]

block him,  lipstick.  you won't see him and he won't see you. I  did it with mine finally,  and we're still living in the same house...  

[lipstick]

Hi Turkish,

I've read your story. Brutal. How are you doing?

I should block him - I know - but I feel like if I do that - he'll take some sort of satisfaction from it. Like "oh, look at that! She blocked me! I still have an effect on her! Goodie!".  Know what I mean?

I just ignore him. Like I said - he doesn't do anything. No comments, no "likes", no messages. I just find it weird that he would to this after more than a year of NC.

[Turkish]

Hi Turkish,

I've read your story. Brutal. How are you doing?

I should block him - I know - but I feel like if I do that - he'll take some sort of satisfaction from it. Like "oh, look at that! She blocked me! I still have an effect on her! Goodie!".  Know what I mean?

I just ignore him. Like I said - he doesn't do anything. No comments, no "likes", no messages. I just find it weird that he would to this after more than a year of NC.

Hi lipstick, Thanks for checking in with me, and taking an interest in my story... .so many stories here, hard to keep track. I was sent a text Friday night by her meant for her boyfriend "it's not like that!" she told me when I caught her two months ago. Yeah... .ok. I put off confronting her all weekend due to a mutual family function. She is good at putting on the mommy/sister/daughter identity when is is required. Right now, she's living a split relationship between me and the POS (piece of #$). I'm going to confront her tonight after our kids are asleep. She HAD to have seen what she did, as the phone saves the conversation string and she sent me some texts afterwards. It will be interesting to confront the pathological Liar persona again. Having kids complicates everything. My friends say I should kick her out, like tonight. Being parents, we both have equal rights to our children. Not sure how it is going to go... .if she will get vicious all of a sudden, which I have not seen from her yet. Sorry, don't want to go on and on a highjack the thread. Thanks again for your caring.

[Learning_curve74]

Hey lipstick, maybe he was just bored and wanted to check up on you. Borderlines seem to have an unhealthy obsession with the past because they can never formulate or understand how to plan a new future. They seem to have a script in their head how everything will play out disastrously as it always does, not understanding it's their own poor dysfunctional choices and actions that keep them in the same cycle.

Since the borderline future is just a huge black wall of anxiety, the only source of comfort is the past. That's where you/we come in.

Just because he chooses to live in the past doesn't mean you have to, does it?

[lipstick]

Hey lipstick, maybe he was just bored and wanted to check up on you. Borderlines seem to have an unhealthy obsession with the past because they can never formulate or understand how to plan a new future. They seem to have a script in their head how everything will play out disastrously as it always does, not understanding it's their own poor dysfunctional choices and actions that keep them in the same cycle.

Since the borderline future is just a huge black wall of anxiety, the only source of comfort is the past. That's where you/we come in.

Just because he chooses to live in the past doesn't mean you have to, does it?

Hi LearningCurve,

I'm doing my best not to "live in the past".  He's been trying to get my attention on FB since July - I've ignored it. Now he's chosen to do the "Following" thing. I'm still ignoring. I just hope he doesn't find the courage to escalate. I don't think he will. He knows he did a rotten thing to me - and I don't think he can bring himself to actually message me or otherwise engage with me.